Busy, Frustrated, Anxious, Confused

Lately, life has been on a lightspeed pace.  I think I’ve bitten off more than I can chew.  I’m frustrated with various things, anxious about what’s happening in life and confused as to what God’s doing in my life.  But I’m a man… I shouldn’t be admitting this.  Right?  I should be strong and well-put-together.  I should have everything taken care of with time to spare.  Right?  I should be self-sufficient.  I should be completely ahead of the curve.  Should, should, should.

Well, we all know that sometimes we aren’t ahead of the curve.  Sometimes, life gets busy and we get behind.  How do you keep it all straight?  How do you keep your head above water?  Are you a yes-aholic?  Do you have trouble ordering your priorities?  (I’ve written about priorities before, just do a search for “PRIORITY” and you’ll find some good stuff.)  Do you struggle with loads of work yet waste away time on meaningless activities and hobbies?

I recommend a few things.  First and foremost, I recommend that you examine your prayer life.  If you’re praying, your foundation is strong and you take the necessary time to sit in quiet with God.  If you’re not praying, try starting with 15 minutes a day.  Along with daily prayer, frequent reception of the Sacraments is vital.  Next, I recommend that you organize your life however works best for you.  Maybe it’s a planner, a calendar, a list, post-it notes, etc.  Don’t just let life happen to you, dictate what your day looks like.  Next, I recommend that you (if you’re in the same boat as me) start saying ‘no’ to some things.  Today, I cancelled three future meetings (to be rescheduled) and moved two other events around so I could breathe.  Do whatever it takes to order your life properly.  An ordered life is the goal, because then everything is in it’s proper place.  “Living balance means that you’re doing what you want to do.  Living order means that you’re doing what you ought to do.”

As men, sometimes we are told that we can’t or shouldn’t rely on others for help.  This is not logical, it’s not practical and it’s not Scriptural.  Lean on those around you to help you out.  Reach out to friends, family, colleagues that will assist you in reaching your goals.  Showing vulnerability or the need for help doesn’t mean you’re less manly, it just means that you need some help.  In this entire process, I recommend taking life in stride and to remain positive.  If you are negative, and if you complain, you will only add stress and strain on your already busy lifestyle.

Best of luck in reaching your goals!  Your prayers for me are appreciated as I navigate the everchanging and rapid waters of my life.

TrueMan up!

Control Your Emotions

I’ve realized, lately, that I often tell my oldest daughter, who is now a new two year old, to control her emotions.  Some might think that it’s over the top and too advanced for a child her age, I disagree.  I’m trying to convey to her, in a time of an emotional up-and-down, that she has the ability and the power to control her actions in regards to her emotional status.  Sometimes she immediately changes her behavior, other times she doesn’t.  The realization that I’ve had is that most adults can’t do this simple task.

Emotions are highly overrated and, when used in decision making, volatile.  I’m thinking back to several encounters (some of which I have posted about on this site) that I’ve had with adult men over the past several months.  The regular and recurring theme between many of the encounters that have gone badly is that the man couldn’t control his emotions.  He allowed his emotions (regardless of what they might be) to get the better of him.  It’s a shame, really.

By allowing your emotions to be in control, you are saying that your brain isn’t strong enough or smart enough or formed enough (etc) to make a change.  I know better than that.  Your brain is capable of being in charge and putting your emotion in their right and ordered place.  Try it next time… when you’re frustrated in traffic, relax, be a gentleman and keep on.  When you get bad service at the restaurant, remain calm, let it roll away – you can still demand customer service, simply do it in the right way.  When someone mistreats you, act out of charity… stand firm in the truth and remain vigilant for justice.  When you disagree with your spouse, put her needs first, even when it means that you won’t get your way – be a servant-leader.  No matter what the situation, you have the ability to control your emotions.  I guarantee you, without a doubt, that you’ll like yourself much more and other people will like and respect you more.

Man up!

Killing a Good Man Quickly

My wife and I were talking the other night about something that’s very important for men.  Man time.  She said, so profoundly, “I’ve never known a female who longed for, or who needed time with her girls like guys need time with their buddies.”  She also said, “If a man is married, the quickest way to kill him is to take away his time with the guys.”

We talked a bit about this topic and as I thought about it, I realized more so that night than any other, that my wife supports me hanging out with my buddies because she knows it’s best for me, our kids, our marriage, the Church and our world.  She supports my time with the guys because she knows that my friends are solid men that challenge me to make myself better.  She supports me because our time together makes me, and them, an all-around better man.  Some women might not know about this concept, so let’s bring it to light today.

There is a caveat here.  If the “buddies” aren’t good men, this idea doesn’t work.  If the men are out doing vicious (un-virtuous) things, it’s not going to build anyone up to be a better man.  So, this idea only works when the group, as a whole, are striving for excellence in all things.  If time with the guys involves drinking too much, finding women or causing trouble, it’s obviously counter to quality man time.

This is also not to say that man time should supersede family time, or spousal time.  A proper ordering of time with one’s friends is important anyway, but when a wife and/or children are involved, the time spent outside the home needs to be properly regulated.  This regulation should be the man’s responsibility; if you’re out of the house 5 nights a week with other things (whatever they are), it’s not good to be out another night on a regular basis.  Keep it monitored and all will be well.

To the women: the idea of men getting together, hanging out, drinking a beer, maybe watching a game, might sound trivial and pedestrian to you.  In some cases, you’d be correct.  However, when the caliber of men increases in the group, the effect the “man time” has also increases.  Encourage your man to find solid friends, men who are leaders and who love their families.  Men who are virtuous and who are striving for excellence.  This time away will benefit the family in ways you may not know are possible.

To the men: there’s a big responsibility with man time, so don’t blow it for the rest of us.  Keep it pure, keep it focused.

Man up!