What Makes Porn So Bad?!

So last post (Porn Gone Mobile) I said that I would talk about why porn is so bad.  The totality of the answer can’t fit into this post, so here’s what I’ve got for you today.  A great number of people, even those who do not currently look at, use, buy or sell porn, believe that there is nothing wrong with porn.  This is a sign of a culture that has completely lost its moral compass.  Not only has the moral compass been lost, it has since been replaced with a compass (better stated as a philosophy) that is so far from the truth that it actually denies that absolute truth exists!  This philosophy… moral relativism.  Relativism states that all things are relative.  If you really believe that the composition of the stuff that makes up the ocean is not H2O, but actually H3O7, then in relativism, H3O7 is “truth for you”.

Sure, that’s a silly example, but it can be extended onto any philosophical issue… any issue related to morals, ethics, virtue, choices, life, death… you name it.  You may believe that abortion isn’t murder of a human life, but that doesn’t make your belief true.  The problem with moral relativism is, well, everything.  It denies the absolute truth and leaves everything for the individual to determine.  Not a good place to start.  If relativism is true, then what Christ did on the cross doesn’t matter.  If relativism is true, then God isn’t the ‘unmoved Mover’.  If relativism is true, then there’s no definition to what manliness is.  So…

That brings us back to porn and why it IS so bad.  It’s not that porn is only bad for me and for some other select group of people.  It’s not that I’m ‘trying to force my morality on someone’.  It’s not that only certain kinds of porn are bad.  It’s all intrinsically evil.  Catechism of the Catholic Church, paragraph 2354, states: “It offends against chastity because it perverts the conjugal act… It does grave injury to the dignity of its participants… It is a grave offense.”  The production of, distribution of and/or the use of pornography damages the individual, causing them to enter into mortal sin, a total turning away from God.  It is a lie.  It is repulsive.

On another note, porn is intrinsically evil because it destroys our brain’s ability to function properly.  When porn is viewed/used, a chemical bond is created.  The chemical involved is a hormone, called oxytocin.  Oxytocin exists in both males and females.  One of the most commonly known occurrences of oxytocin is in child birth.  It is one of the bonding agents between a mother and a newborn child – a very powerful bond.  Oxytocin is also released in sexual orgasm, thus creating a bond.  When the bond is based on a fantasy, ie porn, the bond is incredibly detrimental.  This false bond distorts the understanding of the sexual act.  Once the distorted bond is in place, often times, the bond continues to deteriorate.  Many men choose to allow this bond into their life and then wonder why real intimacy and actual giving of oneself in marriage is so difficult.

If you haven’t been exposed to porn, I urge you to do everything in your power to stay away from it.  Porn is just like meth… it only takes one time.  If you have been exposed to porn, it will continue to bond you to the fantasy, to the sexual act, to the addiction.  If you’re a single man using porn, the distorted bond will damage your relationships, it will be a stumbling block to finding the right spouse, it will become your motivation.  If/When you get married, it will cause you to be selfish in regards to intimacy with your wife, not to mention in day-to-day activities and interactions.  If you’re a married man using porn, I’m almost 100% certain that the intimacy with your wife is distorted by your addiction.  Not only does it distort your relationship with your wife, it distorts the relationship you have with your children, friends and co-workers.

The good news, as stated before many times, is that freedom from porn exists!  I’m walking proof.  I had these distortions in my life.  It takes a ton of hard work to get over them, as well as daily prayer, the Sacraments and God’s grace.  You can do it!  Get rid of the porn today!

TrueMan up!

Porn Gone Mobile

It may not be news to some of you, but porn is everywhere.  When I first got my Droid phone, I searched through lists and lists of free apps to add to my phone just as most people who have app-enabled phones do.  Obviously, we want to utilize the machine for what it can do, right?  In those lists, I came across apps that were quite scandalous… these apps served up porn (of varying degrees).  It’s porn gone mobile… as if porn wasn’t easy enough to access on the web, the porn industry had to add it to web-enabled phones as well.

This was all brought to mind today when I saw a thread about Steve Jobs, Apple’s CEO, and his comments to a hack-job blogger on the topic of “the ‘freedom’ that iPad offers.”  Currently, to the best of my knowledge, there are no apps for the iPad that support pornography.  It’s hard to say that porn isn’t accessible on the iPad because porn is still accessible via the web browser on iPad, but not directly via any apps.  Some porn companies are frustrated with the inability to have an app for their porn site(s).  What it comes down to for the porn companies is the almighty dollar.  Totally disgusting.

Here’s the whole point… and I’ve said this before, but will repeat it as many times as is necessary.  PORN HUNTS FOR US!  It’s not like the ‘ol days’ when you had to be ballsy enough to walk into an ‘adult store’ and purchase a magazine or VHS.  Now, porn is accessible in places we can’t even imagine.  Porn is everywhere and it doesn’t wait for us to find it, it comes after us and doesn’t stop.

Parents – don’t assume your kids aren’t looking at, watching, using, distributing, streaming or buying porn.  Get into their media, including their mobile media… basically anything that has access to the web or a signal, and put a stop to it.  It will destroy their lives!

Many people wonder (and debate heavily) why porn is so bad.  I’ll leave that for next post.  Until then, fight the giant.

If you are addicted to pornography, please click HERE to start getting help TODAY.

TrueMan up!

Keep Fighting

Men, Whether you’ve been on the battle field for a long time or have just begun the fight, I want to encourage you to continue to fight! The devil is strategic in how he attacks you and a period of freedom (any amount of time) can at times play games with a man’s mind, allowing him a sense of “I’m done with this” – that’s called complacency.  No matter how long you’ve experienced freedom (1 day or 10 years), you can never let your guard down.  The path to holiness is paved by discipline and you must remain disciplined in order to successfully achieve holiness.  Holiness, a complete imitation of Christ, in Heaven is our goal.  If you’re reading TrueManhood for the first time, then you may not know what I’m talking about.  Here at TrueManhood, we directly attack the evils of the culture, one of those being a most grave evil – pornography.

For men who are reading this for the first time (or for someone who knows a man who has an addiction to pornography but hasn’t yet sought help), please visit the links posted below to get started in battling your addiction.  If you’ve already seen all these resources, it may be time to read them again.  Take back your life and strive for TrueManhood – a life of virtue in Christ Jesus.

• For “TrueManhood’s 5 Step Plan to Overcoming an Addiction to Pornography” Click HERE.
• To read other articles about the fight against pornography, type in ‘PORN‘ or ‘PORNOGRAPHY‘ in the search box towards the upper right.
• For Porn Addiction Resources, Click HERE.
• For “TrueManhood’s Guide to Virtue” Click HERE.
• To view videos of my talks against pornography addiction, Click HERE.
• For free anti-porn software, click HERE.
• If at anytime you need assistance with your battle, email me directly at Dave@TrueManhood.com.

TrueMan up!

Tuesdays with Daddy – Father’s Edition

To all the men who are fathers… today’s “Tuesdays with Daddy” is for you.  Unfortunately, my opportunity to be home with my girls on Tuesdays will be coming to an end in about a month.  I thought it would be a good idea to put forth a challenge to all the dads out there, to keep you thinking, to keep you purposeful in your parenting.  Read over these questions and be honest with yourself about the answers.  If something’s not up to par, make a change today.  I believe that we are all on a journey towards being the best father that we can be.  The journey requires us to always be moving forward, always toward being better.

• Do you tell your children, not just everyday, but every chance you have, that you love them?
• Do your actions match up with your words?
• Do you love your wife?
• Does your love (action!) match up with your “I love yous”?
• Do your children see you loving your wife?
• Do your children have a healthy and realistic understanding of love, or is it what they see on television, in movies and online?
• Do you prioritize your life well?  Or do you give one (or more) part more attention and neglect the other things you ought to be doing?
• Are you addicted to anything?  Porn?  Alcohol?  ESPN?  Work? etc.
• Are you working to overcome your addiction?  (Ask me if you need resources… Dave@TrueManhood.com)
• Do you strive to grow in virtue?
• Are you faithful to a daily prayer life?  To a Sacramental life?
• Do your children know that you pray?
• Do you pray with your children everyday?
• Are you actively involved in the spiritual formation of your children daily?
• Do you pass on responsibilities and place them on your wife and/or childcare provider?
• Do you rejoice in your children?
• What else do you need to work on?

Man up!

“Our lives change when our habits change.”  – Matthew Kelly

Tools and Resources

TrueManhood Men’s Ministry offers various tools and resources for men.  If you don’t see something on this site, but are curious if we have anything for you, please ask.  Find us on social media, or email us at Info@TrueManhood.com.

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Regarding pornography addiction: There are numerous resources available for men (and women) who have addictions to pornography.  The essential element in dealing with an addiction is that the FIRST STEP towards recovery takes place.  The next important step is the continual work.  The journey is long and hard but the freedom that comes from breaking the chains of an addiction to pornography is almost overwhelming.  I highly recommend checking out TrueManhood’s Guide called “5 Step Plan” and then determine what sort of resource(s) you need to make your plan effective.  Here are just a few ideas, and a few resources.

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• Serious prayer and a life full of the Sacraments!
• Your PLAN is essential, figure out what it needs to be, then put it into action.
• Accountability with your accountability partner.  This person needs to be a man and should not be your female friend, sister, girlfriend, fiancée, or wife.
• Spiritual Direction with a priest.  I recommend seeing a priest regularly so that you can obtain necessary graces from the Sacrament of Reconciliation.
• Sexaholics Anonymous – check your local area for locations and times.
• Counseling/Coaching (Email us at ContactUs@TrueManhood.com for more information.)  Group Counseling may be a good option as well.
• Support Groups/Men’s Groups
• Books, Prayer Guides, DVDs, CDs, Podcasts, Websites, etc.
• Internet filters, software and firewalls.

I also highly recommend installing Covenant Eyes on all of your devices (including each and every device you have access to).  For a reasonable monthly fee, Covenant Eyes offers accountability and filtering.  Click HERE to receive a free month of Covenant Eyes.

TrueMan up!

“The Physical Part is the Hardest for Us” – Get Rid of the Porn

I recently received an email from a loyal reader of the website. Inside the email contained a story that I have heard many times. The story of a young man, striving for holiness, in a relationship with a wonderful young woman, also striving for holiness. Yet, undoubtedly, this couple has “weakness of the flesh”. Just yesterday I received an email from another young gentleman, a first-time reader of the site, who told me similar information. How does a couple prevent this sort of temptation? How does a couple who has already experienced physical intimacy with one another bounce back and live chastity? How does a couple know when they’ve crossed the line?

Let’s be honest… it’s normal to be physically attracted to someone you are in a romantic relationship with!  Duh! It’s usually a tell-tale sign that the relationship isn’t going anywhere when you aren’t.  That’s not usually the problem.  Typically, the problem is that one or both of the persons in the relationship have had physical relationships before.  One may think that the other expects certain things, or they may think that in order to keep them, they need to “do things”.  They may also think that “it’s normal” or that “it’s what people in love do”.  I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that the majority of relationships that are prematurely physically intimate, one or both of the individuals in the relationship either have a problem with pornography, are infatuated with the media or feel some sort of pressure to perform.  I believe that without these major stumbling blocks in the way, a couple is more apt to lead healthy, chaste relationships.

Why do these stumbling blocks matter?  If someone is involved with pornography, their entire perception of truth, as related to sexuality, is skewed.  They are unable to see the beauty which God created and intended sex to be.  If someone is infatuated with the media, they often put themselves in the place of their favorite star, character or role.  This becomes fantasy and is problematic when reality sets in.  Either way, neither individual is in a place where they are even supposed to be giving themselves as a free-gift to their significant other simply because they aren’t married yet!  Living a life of selfish, hedonistic motivations leads only to more selfishness.  Selfishness kills relationships.

You may be wondering why I’m bringing this up.  I know, from my countless discussions with hundreds and hundreds of men from all over the country, most of whom have/had addictions to pornography, that most of us would not have issues with physical intimacy (prior to or in marriage) if it weren’t for our weakness and failures associated with our addiction.  I urge you to get rid of the porn!  It is secretly destroying your life.  You may not be able to see it, but I speak from personal experience… it’s creeping in where ever it can and it will pounce at the right time.  If you want to have a healthy, long-lasting relationship, with the woman of your dreams (I have this!!!) work on your personal chastity starting RIGHT NOW!  Work on being self-giving, instead of self-serving.  Selfishness is a horrible trait, so get rid of it.

Coming up soon, keeping our eyes on Christ on the Cross.

Man up!

Can you Believe it?

Believe it… the pornography industry is a giant, preying on unsuspecting victims.  Once it has a grip, it isn’t likely to let go, unless the prey decides to fight back.  This “fighting back” can’t be weak.  It must be calculated, planned and executed perfectly in order for the battle to be won. 

For many years, I was held captive by an incredible grip… a grip that left marks, wounds and scars; not to mention emotional memories.  For years, I lay helpless to pornography’s grasp.  I knew not where to turn, or how to start fighting.  Thanks to my brothers-in-Christ, I was able to begin fighting back and eventually, through God’s mercy, forgiveness and strength, I overcame the grip and applied a strangle-hold back upon my aggressor.  I’m not out of the woods yet (I’m still a living, breathing man!)… but my life is no longer controlled by porn.

The porn industry portrays itself as normal, as something “everybody does”.  It’s makes men think that it’s completely normal to injest incredibly large doses of smut, lust and obscenity.  Guess what, it’s not normal.  We were created for greatness, not for mediocrity and what “everybody else is doing”.  We’re called to stand and defend, especially against sly predators.  (Remember how cunning the serpent was in the garden with Adam and Eve?) 

If you are currently in porn’s grasp, there are ways out.  Make sure you check out the tab “Fighting Porn” located at the top of the page for some initial advice and help.  If, at any time, you need someone to talk to, contact me.  A True Man fights back against the things in life that are temptations and conduits to sin.

Man up!

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