New Law in Louisville Could Be Big

Taking small steps to curb or end the trafficking of pornography and illicit sexual activity throughout our communities might seem like it doesn’t make a big difference.  The absolutely massive amounts of pornography and scandalous sexual activity (not to mention illegal and morally reprehensible) running rampant everywhere, often seems like a daunting task to overcome.  Many believe that we can’t even make a dent in the $100+ Billion dollar pornography industry.  This is not the case!  Small chunks will eventually make all the difference in the world.  Here’s a great story about a law in Louisville, Kentucky that will help.

Taken from a Louisville, Kentucky based website:

Operators of adult businesses in Louisville are pinning their last hope on an appeal to the U.S. Supreme Court in a seven-year battle with the city over a no-nudity ordinance they say would effectively shut them down. Unless the nation’s highest court intercedes, city officials say they’ll begin enforcing the ordinance as early as February, effectively ending nude dancing and, eventually, alcohol sales at the city’s strip clubs.  If that happens, then adult businesses may as well shut their doors, said attorney Frank Mascagni III, who represents Déjà Vu and PT’s Showclub, because he said no one is going to go to a strip club to buy an overpriced soda and watch a woman dance in a “G-string and pasties.”

“They’re going to run all of these businesses out of town,” he said of the city.  About 25 adult businesses, including several adult DVD and bookstores, have sued to stop the ordinance, which would eliminate all-nude dancing and alcohol sales, and force club owners and employees to pay licensing fees. Clubs will be allowed to sell alcohol until their current license expires, but they will not be allowed to renew, officials said.  The ordinance also would halt touching and direct tipping of dancers by patrons, prohibit lap dances, and enact a 6-foot buffer zone between dancers and patrons, as well as restrict hours of operation and force clubs to make structural changes inside and outside to deter illegal activity.  Owners of adult businesses have been battling the ordinance, trying to get the courts to rule it unconstitutional, since the Louisville Metro Council passed it in 2004.  They’ve lost each step of the way, most recently last spring before the Kentucky Supreme Court.

Mascagni has until the end of January to file an appeal, and says he’ll do so, even as he acknowledges that chances are slim that the U.S. Supreme Court will hear arguments in the case.  Even if the high court decides to hear the case, Mascagni said, that likely wouldn’t happen until 2012.  City officials, meanwhile, are moving ahead with plans to enforce the ordinance, said Bill Patteson, a spokesman for the Jefferson County Attorney’s Office.  “The process has not stopped,” Patteson said.  Initially, he said, citations and fines will be issued only on violations related to portions of the ordinance that are the easiest to enforce, such as eliminating direct touching and private lap dances.

Mascagni said he felt he had to try to fight the new law because he believes Metro Government is trying to legislate morality.  “Politicians shouldn’t be regulating human behavior,” he said.  Metro Council member Madonna Flood, D-24th District, who was one of the sponsors of the ordinance, said it arose from planning and zoning issues with some newly opened adult bookstores in south Louisville and was intended to combat property devaluation and criminal activity.  It was not designed to “legislate morality” or shut down the businesses, she said.  “They have the right to operate, but I have an obligation to protect property owners,” she said.

Mascagni said club owners have indicated to him they would look at the economic impact of the ordinance and consider closing or moving if profits suffer.  “I believe the government has the right to regulate industries — we all know civilized society needs rules,” Mascagni said. “My problem with this (ordinance) is the city government is making conduct that is otherwise lawful so restrictive that my companies will have to go out of business.”  A letter outlining the guidelines of the ordinance is being crafted, and will be distributed to businesses, Patteson said.  Bill O’Brien, director of the civil division for the County Attorney’s office, called the potential high court appeal a “last desperate attempt to avoid regulations.”  “I really do believe they’ll say no,” he said of the Supreme Court.  Jim Mims, director of the city’s Department of Codes and Regulations, which will oversee enforcement, said he understands some businesses will have to make structural changes to comply with the guidelines, such as moving stages or adding lighting. He said the city will give them 30 to 45 days once they receive the letter to do so.  “We will work with operators and property owners to make sure that is the case,” he said. “Our mission is not just to penalize people; our mission is to get these operations in compliance with the ordinance.”

Great Resource For Women – “Yes, She’s More Beautiful Than You”

I came across this great website by a lady named Ashley Weis.  See her site HERE.  Ashley writes strictly to women, to be a support and a source of inspiration to them.  Ashley’s story is a good one – the wife of a man with an addiction to pornography.  This topic is a topic that spurs a lot of questions.  Many women ask me about this topic – how can I help my _________? (fill in the blank).  Sometimes it’s “my husband”, “my boyfriend”, “my dad”, etc.  I know how to help the men, I don’t necessarily know how to help the women.  I was very relieved when I found out about Ashley’s resources.

My wife is a great resource in this process of healing, as she too is the wife of a recovering pornography addict.  She is a Licensed Professional Counselor and really good at what she does.  She has some insights into the feelings, emotions, prayers, healing and trust that goes into all this.  If you’d like to talk with Catherine, feel free to email us at ContactUs@TrueManhood.com and we’ll pass your email along to her.

For women who might be reading this, I hope that either Catherine or Ashley, or any of the other women that are resources on this topic, can be a source of peace and healing for you if you are dealing with this trauma.

For the men reading this, I urge you to see the hurt and pain through a woman’s eyes/thoughts.  It should speak volumes to us and help our behavior.  If you know of a woman in your life who needs to read this, please forward the link to them.

Ashley recently wrote a great article for the Covenant Eyes blog.  I share it with you below.  (BTW: if you’re looking for a great internet security software, Covenant Eyes is a great one.  It might cost a bit of money, but a few dollars a month is worth your salvation, don’t you think?!)

Here’s the blog entry from Ashley that was posted at the Covenant Eyes Blog:

Yes, She’s More Beautiful Than You

“I nuzzled my face into his chest, peered up at him, and said, “I just want to be the most beautiful woman in the world to you.”

Silence.

Immediately, I replayed memories. Like the day I found explicit links on the computer. And the night he confessed to viewing pornography at work while I waited for him at home—pregnant.

“Silence doesn’t make me feel any better,” I said, hoping he’d say something to reassure me.

“I don’t want to say something that’s not true.”

“So, there are women you think are more beautiful than me?” He didn’t answer, but I pried.

“There have been. Yes.”

I gulped and restrained tears. “What about them?” He named qualities. Attributes I already knew he found attractive, but hearing the words ripped my heart into a thousand pieces.

When I begged for a deeper understanding, he asked, “Would it help if I gave you an actual person?” He gave me a celebrity’s name. I thanked God it wasn’t someone we knew.

Then I asked a question I shouldn’t have asked, “So, if you stood her next to me, you would think she was more beautiful?”

“Yes, she’s more beautiful than you.”

Tears rained for an hour. I thought I’d never heal after such devastation. Beauty was stolen from me. My essence was torn apart. I never imagined feeling beautiful again, not after my dearest companion whispered the heart-wrenching words, ‘Yes, she’s more beautiful than you.’

Agonizing thoughts popped up every time my husband and I made love. Whenever we were in public, I feared seeing a woman with the qualities he named. And I cried every time I saw my reflection in a mirror.

I had to do something, but what?

Divorce was out of the question. I didn’t want to break my wedding vows. I didn’t want to run from problems. But I didn’t know how to heal. Sometimes just looking at my husband brought tears. I missed the way our relationship sparkled in the beginning. I wanted us back. But every time I looked into his eyes I felt unwanted and ugly.

My husband began to change. He battled lust and asked God to purify his heart. Even so, whenever he told me I was beautiful, I cringed.

People often reminded me that beauty isn’t reflected in a woman’s appearance—it’s all about her heart. But every time I saw another woman I’d compare myself. And whenever my husband looked at me I’d wonder if I was beautiful enough.

Surely, beauty had something to do with appearance; otherwise God wouldn’t have created women to be beautiful and men wouldn’t be so visually stimulated by their wives. But how could I feel beautiful in my own skin after my husband ranked me below other women? He said he had changed, and his actions proved that his heart was being purified more every day, but I still positioned myself below those women and felt unattractive.

After many agonizing nights of locking my husband out of the house and handing over my wedding rings, I woke up, looked in the mirror, and asked God to help me view myself through His eyes—not my own or my husband’s.

For the first time I saw beauty. But it wasn’t a familiar beauty.

Stripped of make-up and hair products, I saw beauty in my reflection. I saw a woman crafted by God. And He doesn’t make mistakes. Every flaw somehow vanished when I realized that my imperfections were beautiful to Him.

The same God that orchestrates beautiful sunsets created me! Looking at myself and believing I needed make-up, hair straighteners, and tan skin to create beauty was pretty much telling God, “Sorry, but you didn’t cut it. I need to add some things, take away some things, and then I’ll be beautiful.”

It’s not easy to feel this way every minute of the day. Satan seeks to destroy me. He throws arrows at my deepest wounds and worst insecurities. He wants me to feel like I need to prove myself. Like I need something else in order to be good enough. Whether it’s my body or personality, he is always trying to make me think I’m lacking something. God wants me to rest in who I am. Satan doesn’t. It’s like a tug of war for my heart. God builds me up and Satan schemes to bring me down. I don’t want to let him.

Yes, I still wonder if I’m good enough for my husband. I still battle the wow-I-wonder-if-he-likes-that-woman thoughts. But I have learned to view my beauty through God’s eyes. And in turn, I’m not so dependent upon anyone’s opinion other than God Himself.

I hope I will continue to realize the “I’m not good enough” feeling is a lie. There is no perfect woman. God created me to be me. Confidence is a beautiful thing, and I want that! Not stylish clothes, but the godly confidence God created me to have. I desire a smile that beams when the world is crashing down.

I am learning to love myself, appreciate the gifts and positive qualities God gave me, and thank Him for them. I am still learning and struggling, but most of all, still fighting and loving.

Truly, I feel as though my beauty has been resurrected since I looked at myself through God’s eyes, and stopped trying to attain the sex appeal advertised on billboards or advertisements. Although it’s still difficult not to desire that kind of sexiness, God has shown me a different side of beauty. A beauty that He finds attractive, because He created it.

I’m not sure if I’ll ever be able to rid myself of the words my husband said. They still tumble through my thoughts and spin my heart. But I have learned to stop believing them. I’ve learned that I do not need affirmation from the world in order to know I am beautiful. Now, when I brush make-up on my face, I know it’s not necessary; it’s only a fun accessory. Real beauty is created by God, not me.

I can shout with full confidence, “I am beautiful,” because the King of Kings fashioned me. And no one can take that beauty away from me.”

Comment Response

Not too long ago, I received a comment on a post called “Porn Proves Deadly” about a driver of a big rig who, while driving was streaming porn on his laptop, hit and killed a woman whose vehicle was disabled in the median.  The comment was poorly written, unsubstantiated and downright unnecessary.  I receive occasional comments like this and respond as I can.  Typically, when I respond, I don’t hear back.  Such was the case of this comment and its author.  Here is his comment in red italics:

“While I’m not saying I’m pro-porn, I have to say that logically, you’re using a false correlation here.  Some of the things you post I agree with, some I don’t, but saying that the reason he crashed was because of porn is just misleading.  The reason he crashed is because he was being stupid and not paying attention to the road.  It could have been porn, or a regular movie, or he could have been playing solitaire.  It wasn’t the porn, it was his actions and negligence while he was driving.

Frankly, I don’t appreciate your attempts to whip up a fervor.  Countless accidents happen because people text while driving, but I don’t see you talking about that here.  As far as I can tell, you’re just trying to get people on your side with stories that have an untrue “if-then” correlation.  That’s lying, and that, sir, is just plain unmanly.”

I then responded with the following, below in gray:

Thank you for your comment and continued visits to my site.  I’m glad that you agree with me most of the time.  For those times when you don’t agree with me, as in this case, that is certainly your choice.

I have read over your comment, and after review of my post, I believe you are incorrect in your critique of my writing.  Therefore, I am not approving your comment, which is my prerogative, here’s why:

I am not lying, pornography kills.  I even wrote in there “sometimes figuratively, sometimes literally”.  You are correct; it could have been any number of other distractions.  It wasn’t.  It was porn.  This man was looking at porn and killed a woman.  Besides, texting, or watching another movie, does not involve the chemicals in the brain the way that pornography (or any sexual activity or stimulus) does.  The brain emits oxytocin during orgasm and oxytocin is a bonding agent.  It is the same bonding agent between a mother and child at birth and during breastfeeding.  This was not the man’s first time viewing porn, so the bonds that were created in his mind from previous exposure were firing at incredible speeds and it most likely caused such a stir that he lost all recollection that he was driving.

You are correct in saying that you don’t see me posting about the dangers of texting and driving.  You simply didn’t see it.  I posted on August 27, 2009 about it.  The post came over from my old site, so the majority of the post is missing.  Here’s the link… https://www.truemanhood.com/the-dangers-of-texting-and-driving.  I suggest taking the link from the post and watching it on YouTube.

When you send a critique like this, do you homework first.  Don’t call me a liar.  Don’t criticize me when you don’t know what you’re talking about.  My site is not intended to make everyone agree with me, it is intended to do 3 things.  1. Fight pornography and the dangers of pornography addiction.  2. Fight cultural manliness, the idea that the world tells a male.  3. Teach men about virtue and how to live virtue.

Why am I sharing all of this with you?  For a few reasons:

1. Because I believe that those of us that understand the Truth, must share the Truth!  So often the world asks us to sugarcoat everything and water it down.  I refuse.  People are longing for the truth and desire badly to grasp it.  (You simply can’t grasp a watered-down, sugarcoated false-truth… it’s all wet and slippery.)
2. To remind the TrueManhood.com Blog readership of the 3 intentions of this site.
3. To remind the men who read this site that we are striving for virtue.
4. To ward off the nay-sayers.
5. To challenge the “status quo” out there that is indifferent to pornography and the dangers associated with it.  Apathy doesn’t change problems, it makes them worse.
6. To show that being charitable doesn’t mean being an old, soggy dishrag that someone can wipe the ground with.  Being charitable may offend or upset someone.  Jesus offended many in His day.

I really do appreciate comments.  And when someone has a legitimate question, concern or suggestion, I typically heed them.  So, if you’ve got a comment, please pass it along.  If it’s negative, poorly written, distasteful or something similar, I won’t be posting it.

TrueMan up!

Victims of Addiction

During the month of November, one of Pope Benedict XVI’s prayer intentions is for victims of addiction, both those who are addicted, as well as those effected by the addiction of someone else.  It’s important for us to pray for one another, whether we’ve had or have an addiction or not.  For those who are addicted to pornography, I want to say to you that there is hope.  There is freedom outside of pornography abuse.  There are ways to find help and resources out there for you.  If you would like more info, or specific help, or possibly to be referred to a psychotherapist who specializes in pornography addiction, please email us at Info@TrueManhood.com and we can get you in touch with the correct resource.

Take a few minutes to watch this video.  Fr. Kubicki reflects on PBXVI’s prayer intention for November.  Please watch it the whole way through, as there is helpful information about addictions towards the second half.  All the best.

TrueMan up!

My Alma Mater on National TV

This season of The Biggest Loser on NBC showcased the brother of a Benedictine College student and football player.  My alma mater, Benedictine College, is one of the finest small colleges in the country.  US News and World Report ranked it one of the best colleges in 2011.  Benedictine College was a place where my life radically changed.  I owe a great deal to the institution and especially to my BC friends.

In college, I was a lost young man.  I thought I knew everything.  My favorite saying was “Dave’s way or the wrong way.”  I had a very lax attitude and was quick to point fingers.  I was an angry rageaholic and alienated myself.  I used my intimidation factor to get what I wanted, whether I hurt someone along the way or not.  I was addicted to porn and took advantage of women.  I was a bully.

I left the Catholic Church because I thought I knew better.  I was living a double life; one way in public, another completely different way in private.  It was a downward spiral and I became very alone and fell into despair.  Luckily, I had men and women around me who loved me.  They lived the love of Christ with joy… it was enticing and I never wanted something so badly in my entire life.  I began asking questions, getting my doubts answered and along the way, became a man of prayer.  My prayer life, along with educating myself and asking tough questions, as well as working to right-wrongs, allowed me to get to a place where I could make logical and well-formed decisions.  Eventually, I returned to the Catholic faith and have never looked back.  All of my questions were answered in Sacred Scripture, and enlivened by Sacred Tradition.

In this clip, you will see a college campus that is not only beautiful, but authentically Catholic.  Behind the football field (where I suited up in the #48 black jersey and helmet, and where I ran lots of stairs) you can just barely grab a glimpse of the Benedictine Monk’s Abbey.

This video clip is about more than just The Biggest Loser or about football.  The clip is about what Adam is saying… it is like any tough journey or battle that we face in our lives.

He mentions many things, but the thing that strikes me the most is the ‘pay it forward’ theme.  Because of what I’ve been given, I try to give it back to others in need.  The reason why I do what I do is so that if a man is where I once was, I can help him out of it, or if a man has never been to where I was, I can help him never to go there.

TrueMan up!

Message from “Morality in Media” President Robert Peters

Today, the President of Morality in Media, Inc., shared in a press release what White Ribbons Against Pornography Week (WRAP Week) can do in a community and across the country.  For information on what TrueManhood and The King’s Men are doing for WRAP Week, visit “The Fight” on TrueManhood.com and www.TheKingsMen.org.

Annual WRAP Week a reminder that citizens are not helpless to fight back against the proliferation of hardcore adult pornography

This year’s White Ribbon Against Pornography (WRAP) Week will run Sunday, October 31, through Sunday, November 7. The primary goal of the annual WRAP Week is to heighten public awareness of the harms associated with pornography and the need to enforce obscenity laws to curb the proliferation of hardcore adult pornography online and elsewhere.

WRAP Week began with one woman in Butler, Pennsylvania, in 1987. Norma Norris heard the pastor of her Catholic parish lament that prosecutors and law enforcement agencies acted as if people didn’t care about the hardcore pornography being sold in their communities. Norma looked at the people in her church and said, “That can’t be; they’re here!” The idea of a white ribbon as a symbol of community standards of decency came to her and a movement was born.

Robert Peters, President of Morality in Media, had the following comments:

In 1987, the same year that Norma Norris launched the White Ribbon Against Pornography Campaign in Butler, Pennsylvania, U.S. Attorney General Edwin Meese announced in Washington, D.C. the formation of a National Obscenity Enforcement Unit to combat the flood of “mail porn” and “video porn” that was then pouring into American homes and communities.

Back then, defenders of hardcore adult pornography said that the widespread availability of this material was proof that the average American was no longer offended by it and that obscenity laws were no longer enforceable because to be “obscene,” sexual material must depict hardcore sexual conduct in a “patently offensive” manner as measured by “contemporary community standards.”

Between 1987 and 1993, the U.S. Justice Department proved its critics wrong, winning one obscenity case after another and prompting John Weston, an attorney who represented hardcore pornographers, to describe the crackdown on Los Angeles area businesses as “a holocaust.”

Today, defenders of hardcore adult pornography are still saying that widespread availability of this material is proof that the average American is not offended by it; and undoubtedly there is growing acceptance of hardcore adult pornography, particularly among young males who are hooked on it.

But as the Supreme Court observed in Hamling v. United States, the mere fact that pornographic materials are available in a community does not “make them witnesses of virtue;” and in October 2009, Morality in Media commissioned Harris Interactive to ask two questions in a national survey about pornography, with the following results: Overall, 76% of U.S. adults disagreed that “viewing hardcore adult pornography on the Internet is morally acceptable” and 74% disagreed that “viewing hardcore adult pornography on the Internet provides, generally, harmless entertainment.”

To their credit, the Supreme Court has repeatedly held that the First Amendment does not protect obscene materials, and Congress has repeatedly updated and strengthened federal obscenity laws. What our nation now needs is vigorous enforcement of these laws by the Justice Department.

By displaying white ribbons and taking other steps, including writing to members of Congress and making complaints to local U.S. Attorney and FBI offices, citizens can express their opposition to the proliferation of hardcore adult pornography and in support of our nation’s obscenity laws.

More information about WRAP Week and what citizens can do to fight back against pornography is available at www.moralityinmedia.org (WRAP Campaign) or by calling 212-870-3210.

Out of the Darkness

There’s a new documentary film coming out in 2011 called “Out of the Darkness”. The film is about the pornography industry and the story of a former pornstar named Shelley Lubben. Shelley shares the hard-to-hear truths about the industry and how it is affecting the women involved.

Mark Houck, Co-Founder of The King’s Men, is featured in the documentary. Here’s the trailer. If you can’t view the video below, click HERE.

Out of the Darkness Trailer from Anteroom Pictures on Vimeo.

“In the sex industry, every single day was traumatic…” – Shelley Lubben.  Find out more about Shelley HERE.

We have to do something about this.

TrueMan up!

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