Protecting Boys after High School

High school graduations are upon us, and many of those graduates will be moving on to bigger and better things.  When they’re gone, they’re still your child, and you still have some responsibility for their sanctification.  Although they’re of adult age, and many will be out of the house, your parental role doesn’t stop, it merely changes.  How then do you help your college-aged, young adult children?  Well, here are a few tips.

1. Don’t Lie to Yourself: Realize that they’ve seen more, done more, and have been exposed to more than you’d probably like. If they’ve seen any mainstream media, heard any popular music, or hung out with any other children who have done so, they’ve seen it, done it, and/or have been exposed to it.  The “it” is the junk, filth, and garbage that’s out there in TV, movies, music, magazines, and all over the internet.
2. Be Aware: Most institutions of higher education don’t filter, block, or have regulations against pornography and other filth on the internet. Some do, but those systems are rare.
3. New Found Freedom and Rebellion: Being out of the house lends itself towards rebellious views and ideas of invincibility, especially on the college campus. These institutions are typically not calling the boys towards authentic masculinity, but rather, allows and encourages on-going childishness and “cultural manliness”.

It doesn’t matter what they go on to do, they’ll be exposed to more and more than ever before.  Even faithful, Catholic schools have problems with protecting their students, and your child isn’t the exception to the rule.  Okay, okay… downer Dave here… as usual, killing the excitement and joy surrounding graduation.  Harping on the bad news and leaving everyone scared to raise kids in America.  Sorry.  Well, not really.  Instead of only harping on the bad, I’ve got a great tool to aid you in your parenting.  It’s called Covenant Eyes, and I fully endorse their products.

Covenant Eyes is a filtering and accountability software for PCs, Macs, smartphones, and tablets.  It works on a plethora of devices and they continually develop the software to keep up with the latest and greatest gadgets.  Covenant Eyes does a number of things, and while I can’t tell you all of them in this short post, here are three of the most practical things it does, especially for your boy (or girl) heading off to college.

1. Peace of Mind: Covenant Eyes lends itself towards giving parents peace of mind that the content that their child (even their young adult child) is protected from content that is bad for them. The filtering helps to block explicit, pornographic, and malicious content from entering the device.
2. A Talking Point: Covenant Eyes is a gateway to conversation between parents and children. It gives a parent the opportunity to discuss the content, not ignore it.  It gives the child the responsibility of having the device, with the accountability to back it up.
3. Keepin’ It Real: Covenant Eyes keeps everything honest, open, and transparent. The truth is the truth, and if a site has been visited that shouldn’t have been, or an app has been utilized that shouldn’t have been, or questionable online behavior is happening, it puts it all out on the table.  When it’s out there, it can be dealt with.

And it’s not only good for older kids, it’s great for everyone in the house.  Dads – you need this software on your devices to keep you honest.  Moms can benefit from it too!  (Did you know that 1 out of 4 church-going women admit to being addicted to pornography?!)  And our pure, innocent littles… it’s the least we can do for them.  The least.

So how do you start using Covenant Eyes?  Click HERE to go to the Covenant Eyes site to sign up for your free one-month trial.  That’s right, it couldn’t be easier, just head on over and they’ll let you try it out for a month at no cost.  (The link takes you to my affiliate page automatically.)  Once you’ve signed up, you’ll download the program on your computer(s), laptop(s), and iOS/Android devices (get the app), set up the functionality you want to utilize (in the setting portion of the account), and immediately, the device is protected.  If you have ANY problems, or struggle with technology (like so many parents do), simply call their customer service line and they will walk you through everything.  It’s totally worth it, easy to do, and gives you that all-important peace of mind.  What’s stopping you?  Do it today!

Covenant Eyes has a monthly cost after the initial free month trial.  Considering all of the junk out there, I find the minimal costs to be well worth the souls of our children.  One monthly cost covers ALL of your family’s devices.  Hard to beat.  I’ve tried tons of different blocks, filters, and accountability, and by far, this is my favorite.

TrueMan up!

Out with the “Grey”, In with the “Old”

Undoubtedly, you’ve heard of the self-proclaimed “worldwide phenomenon”, “Fifty Shades of Grey.”  Whether it is in reference to the book series, various off-shoot parodies, re-enactments, productions, products, and so on, or the upcoming film, you’ve heard it.  I wonder, though, how many people actually know what all the hype is about.  If you’re not really up on the details, the facts will likely shock you.

Fifty Shades is, in a brief description, rape porn and BDSM porn.  BDSM, for those who may not know, is an acronym for Bondage, Discipline, Sadism, and Masochism.  This is also known by such names as slave porn, torture porn, domination porn, and so on.  [Any male believing that he is in control of reality, making a good decision, or ‘treating a woman right’ by these sorts of acts is greatly misled.]  Why then, is this series of books and now the upcoming movie (not to mention all of the “adult novelties” for sale based on the books) so popular, especially among women???  It boggles the mind, and clearly shows the broken nature of our world.  Folks are looking for authentic love, yet receiving a drastic counterfeit.

Does this definition sound like a free, total, faithful, fruitful gift of self to another, or something opposite?

I think it’s important to point out that “50” depicts violent porn as glamorous – a lie that most pornographers want the consumer to believe.  It’s ultimately the consumption of the lie of “Cultural Manliness” by women, believing that males like character Christian Grey are what they should be looking for in a man. I assure you, he is not.  “50” wants you to believe that what’s happening in the story (stalking, dominance, rape, and various other forms of dangerous and degrading sad0-masochistic sex) is normal, acceptable, and even beneficial to relationships.  How people believe these lies are beyond me, but obviously they do.

On February 14th, the Feast of St. Valentine, the movie form of “50” will be released in all markets.  I highly encourage all of my readers and supporters to 1. boycott the film and 2. have an open and concerned conversation with others in your life who may go to the film.  Support of this movie is in direct conflict with the Gospel Message.  Exploitation of individuals, especially women, and the degradation of human sexuality is absolutely sinful and should be avoided at all costs.  If you’re looking for an alternative, and want to support mainstream films that uphold human dignity and wholesome entertainment, please consider attending “Old Fashioned – the Movie” instead, also opening in theaters on February 14th.

I was recently invited to privately screen the film, and overall, I enjoyed it.  I made a date night out of the event with my wife, getting some of her favorite movie-foods, and creating a little “home theater” for us.  The film is a depiction of a man who, after turning away from a life of debauchery and exploitation, has chosen to have standards for himself and for any potential mate moving forward, for the goodness of his and her soul.  He is seen by other characters in the film as being “stuffy”, “prudish”, and, well… “old fashioned” (hence, the name of the film.)  I was impressed enough to encourage you to see it especially as an alternative against “50”.  Here’s the trailer:

Additionally, there is a responsibility here, for men to step to the plate and protect humanity.  Personally, should our local community-run theater choose to show this film, which I have already formally requested that they not do, I will likely be forced to take further action.  Let us pray that this does not happen.

For me and mine, we say “Out with the ‘Grey’, and In with the ‘Old’.”

TrueMan up!

If you or someone you know is struggling with an addiction to porn, download my “5 Step Guide to Overcoming an Addiction to Pornography & Masturbation” for free.

Where are the Men? Part 2

In the last post, I mentioned how while attending a Saturday evening Vigil Mass at a local parish, I noticed that only 4 of 31 servant-leadership roles were filled by men.  Of those 4 positions of service, 1  was a young boy altar server, 2 were Extraordinary Ministers of Holy Communion and 1 was in the happy happy clap clap band.  The problem is not the women, the problem is the men.  Here’s why…

When men are absent from servant-leadership (in anything, not just at Mass) the ‘thing’ does not function properly.  When a father is absent from his family, when a husband is absent from his wife, when a priest is absent from his parish, when a coach is absent from his team, when a boss is absent from his employees, when a commander is absent from his troops… the family, marriage, parish, team, company and unit do not function correctly.  At Mass, specifically, we must correct the dysfunctions because they are widespread and have a large scope of influence.  The way to correct the dysfunction is to encourage and challenge men to act in the way in which God created them to be.  To grasp this picture, let’s look at the creation account in the Book of Genesis.

God created Adam.  From Adam’s side, He created Eve.  Adam was commanded by God to “shamar” the garden.  Shamar is Hebrew for cultivate, protect, care for, etc.  It was Adam’s job to cultivate the land, protect the garden, his wife and all of creation, but from the onset, Adam dropped the ball.  When the serpent convinced Eve to eat of the fruit, where was Adam?  Gone in another place in the garden?  No.  Was he over at some buddy’s house drinking a cold one, watching the big game?  No.  He was right beside her!  [After all, she turned and handed him the fruit that she had just eaten from.]  He was neglecting to protect the garden and his wife and failed to do what God created him to do.  The Fall = Adam’s fault!  When this sort of behavior (when men fail to cultivate, protect and care for) continues to prevail, the Church suffers greatly.

The choices Adam made are, in some way, the same decisions that many Catholic men today are making.  Instead of cultivating the Church, protecting the Church and caring for the Church, men sit back and allow women to ‘do’.  If you look at parishes and/or dioceses that are incredibly strong, that have great priests, that have large properly-functioning families and they have large numbers of seminarians, you’ll see that it is almost undoubtedly because men are involved as leaders!

The problem with men sitting back and allowing women (who are willing and ready to step in) to fill the gap is that the general population of men either don’t attend Mass or simply lose interest, although their backside is filling a spot in the pew.  This sort of behavior teaches children that men don’t need faith and that faith is a ‘woman’s thing’.  Many men believe that faith, religion, prayer, devotion, etc. is feminine and actually, anti-masculine.  They couldn’t be further from the truth.  As I have stated many times before, being manly means that a man is virtuous.  Faith, Hope and Love, the Theological Virtues, are the real signs of manliness.  In an upcoming post, I will continue with the thought of what happens when men and women don’t fulfill their roles and how it affects the Church as a whole, titled “The Church: By Women, For Women.”

TrueMan up!

GE Knows What’s Really Going On

Although the technology of a 4-Dimensional Ultrasound isn’t brand new, it’s relatively cutting-edge.  I’ve seen a 4D ultrasound of my own children, it’s incredible.  You can see facial features and expressions, you can make out every movement  and can see the chest expanding as the lungs take in oxygen from the mother.  In the discussion of embryo, zygote, fetus, blob, tissue mass, etc. this technology should end the discussion as to what’s in a woman’s womb.  It’s a human being.

It’s plain to see that even a secular company like General Electric knows that a baby inside its mother’s womb is a living, breathing, moving, (did I mention living?) human being… and still, the laws in America allow for the murder of that child.  It’s ridiculous to think that we have technology like this (as if common sense wasn’t enough) but still allow someone the ‘choice’ to murder their own child.  Absolutely ridiculous.

If you can’t view the video, click HERE.

Men, sometimes abortion is portrayed as a woman’s-only issue.  Not true.  As always, we are called to provide and protect, which must start with the defense of the defenseless.  The unborn need men to step up and fight for their rights, their well-being and their life.  If you need ideas of how you can help, please email us directly at Info@TrueManhood.com.

TrueMan up!

Supposed To Do

I just returned from a weekend trip to a private midwestern university where I gave a talk on manliness and Christian brotherhood.  I mentioned the topic of Adam from the creation story in Genesis.  In the story, Adam disregards the command that God gave to him to “shamar” the garden.  From his neglect, sin entered the world.  This, naturally, led to discussion about gender roles.  During the Q&A session, a young man in the front row asked me “what do you mean when you say ‘what a man should do’ and ‘what a woman should do’?”  I think it’s a great question and deserves some explanation and distinction here on the site.

When I say one of those statements (‘what a man (or woman) should d0’), what I mean is that men and women have been called to a specific role in humanity.  (For instance, fatherhood, or motherhood.)  The young man wanted to know if I thought that women shouldn’t work, or be in leadership or do anything outside of mothering children, cleaning and cooking.  Obviously, I am not of that opinion.  I can understand the question though, because our society tells us constantly that it’s either one, but not both.

Being called to a specific role in humanity means that a male or a female is embracing their nature.  Men are naturally designed to protect, guard and care for.  We are more rugged.  Our bodies are made for laborious tasks.  Women are naturally more nurturing, motherly and tender.  These differences aren’t pointed out to say one is better than the other, only that they are different.  John Paul II said many times, “Men and women were created equal in dignity, but different in role.”  This is an important distinction.

For men to be TrueMen, we must embrace what is naturally placed on our hearts by God and follow the commands that God has given to us.

TrueMan up!

A Way for a Woman to Guard Her Heart

I was asked not too long ago what “guard your heart” really means.  The answer isn’t cut and dry, especially because each of us has different experiences, different relationships, different baggage, etc.  However, when asked this question, I attempted to answer with an analogy that I’d like to share with you now.  I told the young woman the following:

(For the Ladies) Imagine that your heart is inside a giant mansion.  Imagine that at the outskirts of the mansion there’s a guard tower with an armed guard inside.  Surrounding the mansion is a 15′-high electrified fence.  Inside the fence are several Dobermans who haven’t eaten lately.  On this side of the dogs is a large, triple-thick, rock wall with a gate that has a special code used to get in.  Inside the rock wall is a large bullet-proof metal door with 7 deadbolts.

Now imagine that you’re early in a relationship with a man.  Guarding your heart is prudently allowing the guard to take an extended leave of absence.  The fence is still electrified, the dogs are still there, the gate is still down and the door is still locked – 7 times no less.  The man gets a little closer to your heart, but still doesn’t have unlimited access.  Little by little you reduce the security and over time, through prudent thinking and decision making, you begin to allow the man closer to your heart and allow him to have more access to you.  He gazes into your heart from a distance… sort of like looking through the windows of the mansion… and from his gaze, he begins to learn about your heart.  Seeing into the heart is different than having unabated access to the heart.

For many people, it may seem too hard to guard their heart.  For many people, it may seem too late to guard their heart.  If pain from relationships-gone-bad, lack of trust after a break up (or after every break up) and utter disappointment in relationships in general is fun for you, then keep up the common mistakes and lack of protection for your heart.  If, however, you come to understand that your heart is worth guarding because you are a precious daughter of God and because you deserve only the best in life, then take the necessary steps to start guarding your heart now.  If a man in your life is too close to your heart (or maybe inside the mansion), do what’s best for you and ask him to take a few steps back.  It will be hard at first, and may even seem pointless, but in the long run, it will be a blessing.  Trust me.

The analogy is based on the context of a relationship, but we should each be guarding our hearts from evil, sin and unclean outside influences as well.

Men, if you are too close to a woman’s heart, or inside the mansion, do the respectable, virtuous thing and take some steps backward.  This is not to suppress your feelings, your love or your desire for her.  This behavior is to show her that she’s worth the very best.  At the right time, you take the proper steps to win over her heart fully.  Once married, hearts become one in the Sacrament.

TrueMan up!

Earth Day

I bet most of you are surprised to see that I’m writing about Earth Day today.  Now, I’m no tree hugger, or granola- cruncher, but I think there’s something to be said about protecting the environment.  How does a TrueMan do that?

I recommend that we look at the Book of Genesis to get a foundation for this.  Genesis 2:15 “The Lord God then took the man and settled him in the garden of Eden, to cultivate and care for it.”  To cultivate and to care for it – in Hebrew, to SHAMAR (guard).  Everything in the garden (creation) was given to Adam to protect and defend it.  Yes, this included the woman (Eve) and the animals, but it also included the land and plants.  See, God wanted Adam to take responsibility for his surroundings.  Ask any farmer, and they’ll tell you that the land produces more bounty if you take care of it.  Adam’s job was to see to it that the land produced a large bounty.

The same goes for us now.  God expects that we shamar our gardens (our families, our land, our life, our Church).  He expects that we protect and defend all that is around us, therefore, we must protect our earth.  Personally, I’m not going to stop driving my eight cylinder Chevy truck, but what I will do is continue to use cloth diapers and homemade bio-degradable baby wipes.  I’ll continue to throw away my trash in a can instead of littering the side of the highways.  I will instill in my children how to respect the earth.  When I camp, I protect the fire from spreading.  When I see trash, I pick it up.  I’ve recently started using CFL bulbs around the house and just bought a bunch of new ones for the remaining lights.  It’s the little things that add up and really count.

Think about how you can protect the earth in your own little way.  If we all do it just a little bit, it’ll add up to some big changes.

Man up!

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