The TrueManhood Podcast – Episode 1! “What TrueManhood is All About”

The FIRST episode from The TrueManhood Podcast by Dave DiNuzzo Sr!

In this episode, Dave dives in to what TrueManhood is… from the definition of the words, to the ins-and-outs of the ministry that has been serving the Church for over a decade. TrueManhood is emulating Jesus Christ (True God and TrueMan).

The files will be downloadable from iTunes very soon.  Watch social media for updates.  Please like and subscribe, and share with the men in your life!

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Daddy’s Rule – No Boys! It’s Not What You Think

From the time that I learned I was having a daughter (she’s almost 7 now), I began to formulate a rule for her.  I now have 3 daughters, and the rule is the same for all of them.  The rule… very simple: no boys.

As soon as this simple rule came to be, it was often laughed off by those who heard of it.  They assumed it to be some silly new-dad sort of over-compensation for fear of raising a daughter in this crazy world.  It was assumed to be sarcasm, and folly.  Many who thought they knew me associated my burly, rough, sometimes crass and overtly confident exterior with this rule as if I simply wanted to lock my daughter(s) up in the basement, never to see the light of day.

This couldn’t be further from the truth.

Men – if you’re a dad, you should know that there’s nothing more important for a father than getting his children to heaven.  A major stumbling block for many of our children will be their life-choices, especially associated with choices about their relationships (friendships, intimate, romantic, marriage, etc.)  This particular area is not one where we can sit on the sidelines and hope that our children naturally make good choices.  We must be totally invested in them, from the word ‘go’, and know all the details as they grow.

How then do I justify this rule of “no boys”?  It’s very simple.  The opposite of manliness is childishness.  Manliness equals virtue.  So, when a man (read as “virtuous man”) comes into OUR lives… at a MUCH later date… and proves himself worthy of my daughter’s attention, involvement, affection, and potentially her ‘yes’ to marriage, it will be time for her to embrace her vocation to marriage (should it be so.)  I’m not, in the least, afraid of her vocation, because it comes from God and will be a major contributor towards her sanctification.  [FYI – I’ll discuss the topic of “courting” (versus dating) in a coming post.]

The “10 Rules to Date My Daughter” lists, and “Applications to Date My Daughter”, etc. etc. etc. aren’t where we should be.  We also shouldn’t be on the “Her Body, Her Rules – feminist father” side either.  (See a good post by Tom Hoopes in response to a recent pic floating around the interwebs.)  These fail to honor our daughters and their abilities, which speaks poorly of us as fathers.  We should be on the side of total investment in teaching our daughters that they are loved, that they are princesses (more on this below), and that they are worth the very best.

“That they are princesses” is important to explain.  Disney has hijacked the princess for the past 20+ years, and it appears that they will continue to hijack it for many more to come.  Our daughters don’t understand what “princess” truly means, they merely see bad examples of rebellious, poor-decision-making, spoiled little girls in those movies, instead of what a princess really is… the daughter of the King.  Jesus is King, and because He’s God, and we are His (God’s) children, thus we are welcomed into His royal family, and therefore, we’re all princes and princesses.  Princesses deserve the very best, by sheer nature of their birth, and that’s what we must instill in our daughters.  If our daughters know their worth, and how to make good decisions, we won’t have to worry about their choice in a spouse because it will be right.

I could go on and on with this topic, but I won’t.  Just make sure that if you’re a dad, that you spend time investing in your daughters each and every day.  And remember, “No Boys!”

TrueMan up!

TrueManhood More Realistic with the Help of Good Women

I’m striving for TrueManhood.  TrueManhood is what all men are called to, a life of virtue as an imitation of Jesus Christ, the TrueMan.  It is the most fulfilling life a man can live.  I strive, but I am far from perfect.  I fail to live up to TrueManhood, and have a long road towards virtuous living.  This lifestyle is difficult, but it is realistic, and it is achievable.  To my point, TrueManhood is much more realistic with the help of good women.

This is my Mother’s Day post for 2014.  It has been interesting, for me, as I became a father and my children grow older, the shift that has taken place surrounding Mother’s Day.  The focus of Mother’s Day, for husbands of mothers of small children, is no longer on their own mother (although we are still grateful and appreciative – Happy Mother’s Day Mom!) but rather is derived from the family’s appreciation and admiration, thanksgiving for, and efforts of “Mommy.”  This focus, it seems to me, is led heavily by those things specifically from the father’s point of view.  The small children aren’t necessarily capable of intentionally creating, buying, or delivering thoughtful, sentimental, meaningful gifts or performing acts of gratitude, so the responsibility lands on that of the father.

I am notorious for getting the wrong gift, things my wife never asked for, indicated that she wanted, or has any use for.  (Not all of my gifts are horrible, just most of them!)  I lack originality and romance, sentimentality and thoughtfulness.  It is a crippling affliction.  This year, I’m writing this post as an attempt at a textual monument to my wife, the mother of my four beautiful children.  Words cannot begin to explain.  She is a true servant, compassionate, and tender, and incredibly thoughtful.  One of my favorite characteristics of my wife is her intentionality; everything she does has a plan and is thought out and most importantly, purposeful.  In addition to those, she is never self-centered.  She challenges me in so many good ways to raise my level of living, and I am so grateful.

Catherine – you work tirelessly to support me in my endeavors, and are relentless in the rearing of our children.  They are incredible because you make them incredible.  They are lucky little kids, having you as their mother.  I’m the lucky man that gets to call you wife, best friend, and soul mate.  Thank you for all you do for us, we can never live up to your example, but will try our hardest. 

All of these things speak to the beauty of how men and women are complementary, and that complementarity works to build both sides.  For me personally, my wife’s complementarity is the greatest way for me to achieve TrueManhood.  She assists me, as my helpmate, to refine me, challenge me, and inspire me to be the man that I so badly want to be, and the man that she and my children deserve.  Because we are so intimately connected, as one flesh through our matrimony, her life is my life, and I am all the better because of it.

A single day for our mothers is almost a slap in the face, because there are no words, no amounts of gifts or money spent on them, nor thoughtfulness that we can put into anything for our mothers or for the mothers of our children that will even begin to compare to the love, sacrifice, and total self-gift that these women give, day in and day out.  As a small token, for all the mothers out there, please accept this small gesture of thanks.

TrueMan up!

Vikings – Filled with Faith, and Masculinity

Early on when I heard about the show “Vikings” on the History Channel, I was very intrigued.  When I watched the first episode on our Roku, it unfortunately lost me fairly quickly.  My first impressions were that the acting was subpar, and the accents were pretty distracting.  At the prompting of my good friend Jared Zimmerer, I gave it another chance and watched episode two.  Something about it began to reel me in and I have subsequently watched all of the episodes to date.

I’m intrigued by the story for many reasons.  I’ve finally decided to blog about it now especially because of the most recent episode called “Boneless”.  Vikings is the story of Earl Ragnar Lothbrok (a legendary Norse ruler), his conquests, his family, and the general life and happenings of the “Northmen.”  I enjoy watching the fight scenes, which are pretty decent.  I also enjoy the drama between the various leaders, the imagery between good & bad, right & wrong, the marriages and relationships, but there are two very impressive themes that keep me coming back.

The first is how much the show’s writers and the actors have incorporated faith into the show.  The Vikings are referred to as pagans, but that’s not what comes across the screen.  The Vikings come across, to me, as being very faithful.  They are polytheistic, but they are constantly thinking about, speaking about, and invoking their gods.  This is not something often celebrated in our culture.  Faith, especially of warriors, is often seen as unnecessary and as a weakness.  Clearly, these Viking warriors invoke their gods, and find need to be in prayer, sacrifice, and worship of their gods.  It’s hard at times to watch because they believe that their gods call for murderous, ravenous, barbaric behavior, and a crude form of justice, so naturally it doesn’t lineup with Christianity.  One flaw, typical of Hollywood… the element that shows Christians in a horrible light – as weak, superstitious dummies, incapable of personal thought and masculine leadership.  Besides that, though, I’m impressed.

I find it very interesting that faith is found as such an important and normal part of their lives.  That’s what I want to highlight… their faith that is all-encompassing.  They think about their gods constantly.  It is engrained in the show by being engrained into the lives of the characters.  The characters are constantly talking about their gods, and the imagery shows that.

The second point, and maybe even more important, is how pro-life the show is.  It seems a contrast to a barbaric, ravenous people, but in this last episode, the wife of Earl Ragnar gives birth to a child that has a limb that apparently doesn’t function fully.  They don’t really show it exactly, but they refer to him as a ‘runt’.  At one point, Ragnar discusses with his wife about the child never having a full life, and asking the question “what could his life possibly amount to?”  The wife says, “Yes, you are correct, but I love him.”  She gives the child a chance.

There’s a scene where, during the night, Ragnar goes into where the baby is sleeping, and he takes him, walking out near the river.  As a viewer, I was spellbound, questioning what Ragnar was going to do.  He takes out his hatchet, and it looks like he’s going to kill his son, saying “there is no other way.”  The scene cuts away to Ragnar walking away from his son, leaving the viewer wondering.  This is a symbol, to me, of parents who feel like they have no other option when it comes to abortion.  There is seemingly nothing else they can.  It turns out that Ragnar didn’t kill his child, but rather, he chose life!  Even though it was incredibly difficult for him to do, he chose life!

I think it’s interesting, in our culture, that is so pro-death, so ready to discard the humans that appear to be less-than, that this show would embrace faith and would embrace concepts of masculinity (albeit flawed, tremendously), but it embraces life.  The concepts of masculinity are interwoven throughout, especially the topics of being a husband, a father, a friend, a brother, a worker/provider, a warrior, and a follower of God.   I will continue to watch.

Note: There are some potentially scandalous parts of this show, specific to sexuality.  You may choose not to watch because of that.

TrueMan up!

Changing a Man

Is it possible to change a person?  Specifically, is it possible to change a man?  I hear this topic brought up a lot, especially in the case of bad relationships.  The question is frequently asked in regards to a man who isn’t doing what he’s supposed to be doing.  The question is frequently coming after hindsight kicks in and someone recognizes that they picked a less-than-perfect-man to date, marry or befriend.

So, what do you think?  Is it possible to change a person?  Is it possible for a person with little-to-no-potential to change?  I firmly believe so!  Why do I believe so firmly in this?  Because I changed!  I change everyday, I strive to get better, I strive to change my ways – further away from my desires, interests and comforts, and more towards Christ Jesus!  I think we all have the internal power to change for the better.

I write this post because I see situations regularly, and some very “close to home”, that cause me to wonder why people (men specifically) don’t change!?!  There are so many wonderful things in life to experience, and so much good to be done, and so many people to influence for the positive… why do some people wallow in their filth?  It boggles my mind.

I look at my life and notice that I desire change.  If my wife isn’t happy with something I’m doing, I don’t become defensive and argumentative, I work on getting better!  If my children aren’t responding to my parenting, I don’t blame them, I work to be a better father.  If my prayer life isn’t as strong as I need it to be, I don’t get angry at God, I pray more.  You see, in my life, I have learned that I must be the cause for the change I want to see.  I can’t blame others for things I don’t like.  I can’t sit around and stay stagnant.  I can’t be okay with mediocre.  I must work to grow, to change, to be the man that God created me to be.  We all must do this!

One other thing here… If you know a guy who needs to change, give him the chance.  Have really high expectations and don’t settle for second best.  He has the potential to be better, he just might need to see that someone expects more out of him and that it really does matter how he lives, treats others and believes.  However, if you’ve given someone a chance, and they constantly choose to make poor decisions, to wallow in their filth and refuse to grow, be careful how much you invest in them.  I’m not telling you to stop investing in them, I’m merely suggesting that you be careful.  Ladies – if you are dating a man who doesn’t want to change, be very weary to stay with him.  You deserve a man who will strive to be the best he can be.  Don’t expect marriage to make it better, it may in fact make it worse.

TrueMan up!

What We’re Up Against

I found this two and a half year old video on YouTube a couple of weeks ago and have been wanting to post about it, but the timing just never seemed right to me.  I watched it again today and have some thoughts to share.  The video is below, but before you watch it, please be forewarned that many, if not all, of the elements of the video are incorrect.  Blatant disregard for the respect of men is apparent and falsehoods are rampant throughout.  Take a look and then we’ll discuss the problems.

First off, men are portrayed as lower-than Neanderthals in this video, that all we want is sex.  This perception comes from the large numbers of men who make this true.  For those of us who defy this stereotype, we have a long road ahead of us.  Men, if you fall into this stereotype, I challenge you to change your thinking, make better choices and being striving for virtue.  Come on, get with the program.

Secondly, many men have a hard time being friends with women because they 1. don’t know what friendship is, 2. are selfish, 3. have a vastly skewed view of the true beauty of women and 4. have never had an honest and pure relationship with a female.  All of these issues may, in many cases, stem from a man’s use of, exposure to or addiction to pornography.  Pornography has a devastating effect on men, their psyche and their ability to relate with other members of society.  Some men simply don’t know how to interact with others, specifically, women, but pornography creates a serious impediment to having healthy relationships.

Next, the video portrays men as liars.  If we want a solid relationship, we can’t lie.  Honesty, with prudence and tact, is always the best way to go.  Which brings us to the next part of the video… the questions from women.  As a married man, with lots of experience with this, let me help you out.  When the woman you are involved with (courting, engaged to, married to, etc.) asks a question (usually in the form of a rhetorical question), she may be looking for something specific from you in the answer.  If you’re married, and your wife asks “Do you think Angelina Jolie is prettier than me?” you quickly answer (truthfully) “No way.”  Simple.  The reason you’re “supposed to say no” is merely a way of affirming your wife’s beauty.  She shouldn’t really care if Angelina Jolie is prettier in reality or not, and neither should you.  (Personally, I don’t find Angelina Jolie pretty at all, so that answer is easy for me.)

“Do these jeans make me look fat?” – the answer is ‘no’.  You’re not lying, you’re affirming your wife’s beauty.  If the pants aren’t flattering, say so, but do it with charity and prudence, talking specifically about the jean’s deficiencies and never about your wife.  With both of these questions (prettier women and looking fat) they aren’t really asking you for your opinion on the matter, they may be trying to validate the relationship or your deep love for her.  Instead of letting it get to that point, I recommend affirming, complimenting and encouraging your wife well before these sorts of questions come up.  This should happen regularly.  I’m not perfect at it, so take it from me, you can make a lot of ground by answering quickly and positively.  This is always good to say – “I love you.  You’re incredible.  You’re beautiful and I’m lucky to have you.”  To some, this might sound like a canned lie response.  Let’s be clear here, I’m not saying that you should lie to her.  I’m suggesting that you believe those things and get to a point in your relationship where you really see the inner and outer beauty, the incredible nature of your wife and realize just how lucky you are.  Again, as I said before, if we want to be in a solid relationship, we cannot lie.

As for the last part of the video, if you “hear” this way, you’ve obviously got issues.  Don’t let anyone treat you like this, it’s degrading and disrespectful.  I encourage all men to not only hear, but listen.  Listening is the act of being attentive to what is being said.  Hearing is merely allowing your ears to do what they were created to do.

Men, this sort of video is rampant on the internet, in movies and television shows, in emails, songs and printed media.  If we want to change the perception of men, and challenge the men who are the way the video portrays all men to be, then we better get to work.  Start by cherishing your wife and encouraging her.

TrueMan up!

Four Days For Fathers – Day 2

Ok… considering that (because you read last post – hint hint, wink wink) we’re now working on the relationship aspect of Father’s Day with our dads, here are some gift ideas that may be a little “out of the box”.  Not everyone is going to like all of these, so just try something if it catches your eye.  These gifts might help with building the relationship…

1. Do something with your father that he enjoys.  (This does not include watching television.)  Quality time.
2. Get two copies of a book on a topic that will interest your dad.  Read it and discuss it with him.
3. Share your favorite memories with your dad by writing them down in a journal/book and then give him the journal.
4. [If you have the means…] take your dad on a surprise vacation.  Maybe to the country where his family is from? Or a place he’s always wanted to visit?

Whatever you decide to do for your dad on Father’s Day, make it more than just about the gift.  Make it about him, about your relationship with him and about the important things in life.  I realize that some of you are estranged with your dad.  If that’s the case, I recommend taking the high road (when appropriate) and rectify.  Apologize for what you have done to make the situation bad and then accept any apology that may be given.  I also realize that when parents and their children become estranged, the situations are always complex and may take more than a simple apology.  The common link that all of the situations that have been rectified have in common… they all, at the very least, started somewhere.

TrueMan up!

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