Follow Up Guest Post from Catherine DiNuzzo – “You’re Worth It!”

This post is a follow-up guest post from Catherine DiNuzzo, wife of Dave DiNuzzo.  Catherine will continue to guest post on this site.  Please leave comments!

Women, you are worth a TrueMan!  Believe it!

Women, I want you to listen to me and to listen well.  If you come to this site and take anything from it, I want you to remember that you are special, and a precious gift from the Father!  You are worth a TrueMan and you need to expect a TrueMan.  I am guessing right now that you may be rolling your eyes and saying to yourself, “if she only knew what I have done or what has happend to me, she would know this is not true for me.”  I know you are saying this because every time I talk to my girlfriends or speak to women at speaking engagements about this, I see women look down and shy away from me; their body language screaming these words.

God created you in His image and as the perfect mate for your “Adam”.  If God created you, and everything that God creates is good, then you must be worthy of goodness… a TrueMan.  When I think about my friends who refuse to believe this “cardinal rule”, most of the time it is because some less-than-virtuous man has taken advantage of them. Sometimes this is done through psychological manipulation and other times by force.  To me, it doesn’t matter what has happened in your past.  What is important is where you go from here.  If women are going to expect men to change then we must also change.  The first step in this change is loving yourself enough to except only virtuous men in your life.

How do you do it, you ask?  First of all, you need to look inside yourself and break down any walls that are keeping you from seeing the true value you possess.  These walls may have been past relationships gone bad, decisions that you made that hurt yourself or others, or anything that holds you back from seeing the marvelous treasure that God created you to be.

I too had to go through this step, and it was not easy.  When I was in high school and college, I was in a very abusive relationship, both physically and mentally. It ended badly and with the depression that set in from being a victim of domestic violence, I turned to drinking in excess.  With my life spinning downward, I had no confidence that I could ever love myself again.  I was certain that I would never find a virtuous “TrueMan” who would want to love me.  So, I stopped looking.  After many years of this way of thinking, I was at a 3-day party, with lots of drinking and men.  As I drove home, I hit my bottom.  I had no self esteem, no joy in my life.  I could easily say I was empty in every sense of the word.  So in tears, I looked up to Heaven and said “GOD, I give up! I can’t don’t do this anymore.”  I truly believe that I felt the Holy Spirit come down and shower me with grace and love.  I could hear God saying, “I love you, let me take care of you, trust in my love, I am here.”  And that is what I did!  From that point on, pain from my past slowly started to go away.  For the first time in seven years, I was able to see myself as a blessed gift that God had created.  That very day, I went on a group date with Dave, my future husband!

Women, love yourself!  Force yourself to see the treasure that God has created you to be. If there are walls that are blocking you from seeing this, take it to prayer and ask God to help you break down the walls.  Know that in this battle, you are not alone.  God is there wait for you to put your hand out and ask for help.

The Power to Positively Effect Change

I don’t typically follow mainstream media, news or happenings, and I definitely don’t follow the NBA, so this story was interesting to me when I heard about it.  Recently, in an interview with Maxim Magazine, LeBron James (Team Captain of the Cleveland Cavaliers) was quoted, when asked “If there was one guy on the planet you could dunk on, who would it be?”, as saying: “If it doesn’t have to be a basketball player, George W. Bush. I would dunk on his [ass], break the rim, and shatter the glass.”  (LeBron is a known-supporter of Barack Obama.)

The friend who told me about this LeBron story wrote this to me in our correspondence: “Boston just beat the Cavaliers with King James and Shaq. After LeBron’s majorly inappropriate comment about wanting to dunk and shatter the backboard over Pres. Bush (more than any other person), I have lost respect for LeBron. How about dunking over Osama Bin Laden? In LeBron’s role model position, you just don’t show that kind of disrespect for the President even if you don’t like him. Not to mention, his poor sportsmanship in losing the playoffs last year… he wouldn’t shake hands after the game. Your manly opinion on this?“

In response, I wrote: “In my humble opinion, LeBron has no class, no leadership and an immaturity that rivals others.  He who, in his position, could effect MAJOR POSITIVE CHANGE on a global level. On a manliness scale, he’d rank very very low. No virtue = Not Manly.”

The reason I highlighted positive change (both in my response to my friend and in the title of this post) is because LeBron could bring about so much positive change in this world, simply because of his stature, his following and his presence in the media.  The trouble here, is that if you ask a fan of LeBron if he’s effecting positive change in the world, they’ll emphatically say “Yes!”  It’s a clouded judgment that some people can’t see past because he appears to be so influential and such a boost for the sport.  A TRUE boost to the sport would be challenging men to live virtuous, moral lives.

Just my $.02 today.

Man up!

Evangelization Linebacker Follow-Up…

Yesterday I posted a hilarious video, the “Evangelization Linebacker”; check out the post so you know what I’m referencing today.  So, for some folks, in your face evangelization-tactics work.  For most, it pushes others away.  Therefore, you can’t be “blowin’ people up” and expecting them to “come with you” on the journey.  It’s imperative that you create a relationship with the other person and allow them time to gain trust in you.  Once trust is gained, respect usually falls in place and then you gain moral authority with them; moral authority allows you to speak the Truth to open and willing ears.  If you don’t have trust, respect or authority, you’ll be fighting an uphill battle.  [Always remember, respect is received ONLY AFTER respect has been given.]

Gaining the trust comes from meeting people where they are.  If it’s young people, you have to get in their lives and meet them in their element.  For me, with the cadets, I spend as much time with them doing fun, social stuff as possible so they can see that I’m normal and easy to talk to.  Once they come to fun stuff, they’re more likely to join us for religious education stuff and then to start joining us for Mass regularly.  Once that happens, they are willing and capable of listening to the Truth of Jesus.  We can’t expect people to immediately change their ways and “get it”.  It takes time, and usually, some pushing, challenging and proding.

Most of the time, it’s scary for a person to step out and evangelize, but the Linebacker’s got it right… we’ve got to share our faith.  You need to do it the specific/unique way God created you to do it.  And always, without fail, you must back up your words with your actions.  I’ve written about this a lot, but it requires LOVE and LOVE is a verb.  Go and live Love!

Something, besides fear, that holds people back is their lack of knowledge and/or readiness.  Lots of people think that they aren’t ready because they don’t have enough knowledge, experience or time as a Christ-follower.  You’ve got to start somewhere, so today’s the day.  Go out and, even in little ways, be an example of Christ to the world.

Wanna know more?  Email me at proveritasspeakers@gmail.com.

Man up!

An Explanation on Ephesians Chapter 5

On semi-regular occasions, I come across stories of men and women who look at Ephesians Chapter 5 in a different way than the Church does.  It often appears that they take the writings out of context and make them something that they are not.  I want to take a few minutes to explain portions of this sometimes mistaken portion of Scripture.  Note: I am not a Biblical scholar – I recommend that you cross-check my words here with other sources for full understanding.

Starting at verse 21 in chapter 5, St. Paul tells Wives and Husbands “Be subordinate to one another out of reverence for Christ.  Wives should be subordinate to their husbands as to the Lord.  For the husband is head of his wife just as Christ is head of the Church, He Himself the savior of the body.  As the Church is subordinate to Christ, so wives should be subordinate to their husbands in everything.”  A few hard-hitting verses.  If we stop at this verse, we see the writer (St. Paul) asking women to be subordinate to their man in everything.  It almost appears that a woman should blindly follow her husband simply because he is 1. her husband and 2. the head of his wife.  We might look at this and say that a wife needs to be “below” her husband and always do as he tells her.  The image of a slave and a master comes to mind here.  After all, it’s right there in Scripture – right? 

Not quite.  We need to continue reading to finish out this section.  25: “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ loved the Church and handed Himself over for her to sanctify her, cleansing her by the bath of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the Church in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.  So also husbands should love their wives as their own bodies.  He who loves his wife loves himself.  For no one hates his own flesh but rather nourishes and cherishes it, even as Christ does the Church, because we are members of His body.”  We see a much different story when we continue reading.  St. Paul isn’t writing this to women alone.  Most importantly, he is writing this to husbands; husbands are the readers who especially need to heed these words. 

Look at this with me: scripture tells us that husbands should love their wives as Christ loved the Church.  Christ didn’t love the Church out of dictatorial power… He loved the Church out of service, out of self-sacrifice and out of pure virtue.  If we leave this part out of our understanding, our understanding lacks truth and our relationship with our spouse suffers.  Again, St. Paul is speaking to the men, saying “Men, serve your wife!  LOVE you wife!  Give up what you want for the sanctity and holiness of your wife!  Love her as you love yourself!  Want what’s best for her, never thinking about yourself first!”  I can imagine him being incredibly frustrated with men who were lacking as husbands, trying to get them to see that Christ set the example of being a real husband (a TrueMan) for them and that they simply need to emulate Him in order to succeed.

This means, for us men who are or who will be husbands, that we MUST act as Christ acted.  We must be perfected so that our actions, thoughts, words and deeds line up with how Christ would have done them.  We must be sacrificial in the way that we treat our wife.  Christ was a servant leader, He said “I come to serve, not to be served.”  Do that… don’t live to be served. 

On a practical note: as you look at your marriage and begin to digest what you are reading, realize that countless blessings will come from being a servant leader for your wife.  Being a servant leader means that you are serving while leading.  Service comes first.  Want respect from your wife?  Respect her first.  Want your wife to honor you?  Honor her first.  Want your wife to trust you?  Trust her first.  It’s a simple formula and this formula will change your life.  Christ calls us to act in the manner He acted, so guess what… if you are trying to act as Christ acted, you can’t be selfish, ever.  Serve your wife, serve your kids, serve your co-workers, serve everyone, and do it ahead of yourself and your needs.  It will change your life.

Man up!

The Most Important Relationship of Their Lives

I have the privilege of staying home with my daughters on Tuesdays.  Technically, it’s my day off every week.  I cherish Tuesdays with them and know that I am blessed to be able to have such dedicated and devoted time taking care of them.  I cherish this time because I know, without a doubt, that there will never be a more important relationship in either of my daughter’s lives than their relationship with me.  I don’t say this out of pride or out of attention-seeking.  I say this because it is the truth.

Think about it… where does a young girl learn about love?  Where does a young girl learn how to be treated?  Where does a young girl develop her idea of what her future will hold?  Where does a young girl learn self-respect and self-esteem?  From her father.  [This is NOT to underscore the relationships a young girl has with anyone else, especially her mother.  It is to show that a father has a vital role in the future of his daughters.  In my estimation, the most vital role.]  Her father must demonstrate love; love of his spouse, love of his children, love of his God.  What happens if a father doesn’t fulfill this role or if he fails to fulfill it in the correct way?  Simple, the child’s understanding of how a man should act and treat others is skewed.  This skewed understanding can lead to multiple problems, namely disordered relationships.

Fathers, love your wives.  Set the example for your daughters of how they should expect a man to treat them.  Teach them to set the bar high and to never settle for less than the best.  If they see you being disrespectful, unloving and/or hurtful towards their mother, they are going to grow up thinking that similar behavior is normal and okay.  It’s not.  They will learn not only what love is, but more importantly, how to love and how to receive love from your example.  It is a big responsibility, but that’s what you signed up for when you had sex with your wife. 

Man up!

Security in Purity – A Message to Women

So many women in our society (especially young women) have a lack of self-worth and a deeply rooted insecurity in who they are.  They want to fit in, be accepted and ultimately, receive love.  This sometimes (more often than not these days) leads to dressing inappropriately and engaging in promiscuous sexual relationships — all in the name of finding love.  They think that in order for a man to think they’re attractive, to be excited by them and to love them, they must “put out”.  [After all, they are being fed lies from this menu everyday by society.]  The problem arises that this simply is not real, lasting love, and the feelings of insecurity and perpetual emptiness persist.  It pains me to see young women who think this way because they should be thinking the exact opposite… that they are an amazing and precious creation from God the Father and that they should never settle for anything less than the best.  A man is only worthy to be in their presence if he upholds their dignity and shows them the utmost respect.  Women deserve better than what they are typically given and owe it to themselves to require a True Man.

If you are a woman that struggles with self-worth and insecurity, please take my words to heart.  You are worth nothing less than the best.  You are worth being in a relationship with a man who loves you (real love), who adores you and who respects you.  You don’t have to have sex with him before marriage… if he really loves you, he’ll wait for you.  (If he’s a True Man and really loves you, he’ll want to wait for you because you’re that special!)  When it comes to the way you dress, you describe to men what you are seeking by the way you dress.  If you wear something revealing, it tells a man “I want to reveal myself to you”.  *Keep in mind the distinction between dressing attractively and dressing to attract.  If you want to draw in the right type of man, dress with respect and purity.  You’ll find real security, love and worth if you seek purity.  You are worth it.

For the women out there that are confident and content in who they are, continue to be an example to women everywhere and continue to set the standard high for what men should be striving for.  Never lower your standards.

When a Man Loves a Woman

You know those relationships where you can tell, no matter how long a couple has been married, that they really love one another?  I had the opportunity this weekend to experience one of these relationships first hand for the past 5 days out on the east coast.  My wife’s aunt and uncle celebrate their 30th wedding anniversary this year and from the looks of it, they have an incredibly strong marriage… I believe it’s because of how much he loves his wife.  He’s one of those men (a True Man, in my book) that treats his wife with an incredible amount of respect and genuine love.  He’s set an amazing example for their son and for everyone else out there who watches them interact. 

You and I have seen the opposite… relationships where the man is unloving, ungrateful, unsupportive and so on.  A relationships like that is not what men need to see.  We need True Men to set the standard high, to challenge other men to something better and, also incredibly important, we need women to expect this genuine kind of love and to never settle for less.

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