Expounding on “Ditch”

After I reposted my article, “Ditch the Fantasy“, I received a number of comments and critiques about the article.  The same happened last year when I originally posted it.  I’m thankful to receive the comments and critiques, and that’s part of my intent when I write something… especially things that might grab someone and challenge them… to get people talking about things.  To those who disagree, I ask that you forgive the tone of my article, should it have been hurtful or made you feel like I was condemning you, calling you a sinner, or shattering your confidence.  If it was taken in an uncharitable manner, then I sincerely apologize.  I certainly don’t want to tear anyone down, but rather, my goal is to build men up.  If I have torn you down in any way, please accept my apology.  It’s also not my intent to point fingers at other’s sin, as if I’m not a sinner myself; I most certainly sin, and take ownership of my sin. Mea culpa.

 The critiques came mostly in the form of people feeling attacked for their like of, or involvement in, fantasy football.  Although I remain firm in my position on Fantasy, I wanted to take the opportunity to explain it deeper.

What’s taking place in a Fantasy Football League?  In my previous article, I said that I wouldn’t give an explanation of Fantasy, but I broke my rule and am explaining it here in quick terms.  Players organize themselves in a computerized league, draft specialty players (QBs, RBs, WRs, TEs, Special Teams players, etc.), and team defenses, and then as the real NFL season progresses, the players make mock lineup changes and substitutions with the hope of scoring the most points/yards/wins (based off of the actual performances of NFL players) so that their fantasy team beats the other fantasy teams in the computerized league.  To make changes/substitutions, a fantasy player may spend little, some, or many hours researching teams, watching film, checking standings, reviewing the injured reserve lists, listening to and/or watching television and internet shows related to fantasy, rating matchups, and so forth, so as to have the best possible lineup for the upcoming week.  Teams within the league play against another team each week, and the winners racks up points. The standings change each week in the overall ranking within the league.  Depending on the initiative of the players, there may be no, some, or lots of human interaction (in my experience, often in the form of smacktalk) between the actual players.  Some of the leagues are free to join, some cost money.  Some have prizes or purses for the winners, some do not.

Fantasy Football as fantasy.  I received the following quote: “The word fantasy is present, but there isn’t a whole lot of day dreaming or fantasizing involved.”  If you’ll recall in my original post, I mentioned the dictionary definition of fantasy “imagination – to the point of being improbable or impossible.”  Okay, big deal.  Or is it?  The reason I believe that Fantasy Football is absolutely a Fantasy is because it’s made up.  The teams are made up, the leagues are made up, etc.  Along these lines, I linked the playing of fantasy to pornography, and that also got a rise out of some readers.  Notice that I mentioned that “fantasies lend themselves toward sinfulness – idle behavior, sloth, selfishness, and deeper fantasy.”  They “lend” themselves toward sinfulness.  No, I’m not necessarily saying that Fantasy Football will send you to hell, but I believe that addictive behavior can spread very quickly from activities like this, especially when technology is involved, and that is at the very least something we should be aware of.  (Personally, I lived this not only through my pornography addiction but also through my use of television, movies, and video games.)  This opinion of mine is linked to studies and scientific data that show that the brain is negatively affected by stimuli coming through technology.  We condition our brain to react a certain way based on the content we consume and the brain chemicals that create dependency. For this reason, I am also opposed to video games, especially in adolescent boys.

Linking Fantasy to board games.  One major critique is to pull board games into the mix, and argue that fantasy football is no different than playing a board game.  To this point, I disagree.  Board games require human interaction at every turn.  Even the body placement of the players during most board games has the players facing each other around a table.  This body placement promotes conversation, human interaction, and non-verbals and, in my opinion, is much more human than someone merely sitting in front of a computer screen, tablet, or smartphone.  In board games, the opportunity to be compassionate, caring, and/or relate with other players is prevalent.  Not so in fantasy.  I’d say that board games are absolutely a bonding opportunity, and can be a good use of time.  Go for it!

The “All Things Good in Moderation” lie.  Please don’t buy into the lie that “all things are good in moderation.”  This is not the Catholic position!  The Catholic position would never say that drugs in moderation, or unfaithful, extra-marital sex in moderation, or lying in moderation are good things.  Obviously not.  What the Church would say is that we (humanity) should live the virtue of TEMPERANCE in all things.  Temperance “moderates our attraction to pleasures… the temperate person directs the sensitive appetites towards what is good.”  (Catechism of the Catholic Church, 1809.)  The Church would also instruct us and compel us to utilize the virtues of WISDOM, PRUDENCE, and others, in terms of what we do and how we spend our time.  I think this is reasonable to bring into this discussion of manliness and how it relates to activities such as Fantasy.

I suppose it also benefits the conversation to ask the question “Is Fantasy Football cultural manliness?”  Is Fantasy telling men that the more power, money, sex, and stuff they consume the more manly they are?  Not necessarily in every case, but I am personally aware of many cases that fit this definition.

Ultimately, we shouldn’t be shooting for something that’s “just okay” or “not as bad as”… we should be shooting for the greatest good.  Our actions as males, whatever they are, are either virtuous or vicious.  They are either working to be like Christ, or they aren’t.  That’s for you to think about and decide.

You may not agree with me.  That’s your prerogative.  I would leave those who disagree with this thought and challenge.  Is it possible that you are abdigating your responsibilities during the time you are playing Fantasy?  (The same could be asked about a lot of activities, most certainly.)  Are you missing out on “greater goods?”  Is Fantasy Football helping you reach your goals in life?  Is it helping you to grow in holiness?

TrueMan up!

“Skirt Covering the Knees, Leg Warmers, Boots, a Half-Sleeved Shirt…”

These are words that have never come out of my mouth as to something I was wearing.  Other than the boots part.  Skirt?  Leg Warmers?  Geez.  I thought this story was a joke when I first saw it about two weeks ago, but apparently, it’s not.  This guy actually exists.  I looked up his “art”… very disturbing.  I don’t recommend it.  In fact, I suggest you don’t.  It’s a bit pornographic and very sacrilegious.  There are very clear and problematic issues with this male’s stance… it is the same problem that we see often in our culture; the oxymoron of feminine-men and masculine-women.  Put plainly, when men and women lose their gender roles and responsibilities, there is a disorder happening and things get all out of whack.  As I’ve written several times before, our Church and many of Her leaders (including Blessed John Paul II) emphatically teach “equal in dignity, difference in roles.”  It’s the only thing that makes sense.

I’m glad the Vatican stands up to this sort of behavior.  If an institution in America did this, they’d be sued, all over the lib-media and denounced as intolerant and judgmental.  The Vatican plays by different rules.  Thank goodness.  Here’s the story…

“Mumbai-based artist Julius Macwan has felt strongly about women’s causes for a long time — in solidarity of which he wears skirts, a statement that he feels underlines his connection with and sympathies for the fairer sex. But this very ‘rule breaking’ got him into a bit of a conundrum in Rome last week.

Julius, a Roman Catholic by birth, inspired by Italy’s greats Michelangelo and Bernini in his art, named after Roman emperor Julius Caesar was ironically stopped at the very gates he was longing to pass through for a very long time — he was forbidden from entering the Vatican because he was in a skirt.

“I was in a state of shock, my mind was numb,” Macwan, now back in Mumbai, recalled. “My most famous work is inspired by the Pieta, it is also called the Pieta/The Death of Magic. I wanted to see the Pieta in the Vatican, had dressed formally for the occasion — skirt covering the knees, leg warmers, boots, a half- sleeved shirt. You can say my outfit was inspired by Roman warriors of the past.”

It might be interesting to note that Macwan’s Pieta/The Death of Magic depicts a self portrait of Julius himself, in a skirt, holding the body of a woman in a bikini, representative of the magic of womanhood dying in a male-controlled world. Macwan’s Pieta is now part of Harsh Goenka’s collection.

The original Pieta, (which has four versions, the most famed being in the Vatican) sculpted by Italian genius Michelangelo depicts the Virgin Mary distraught as she holds the body of Christ.

Despite his knees being covered, Macwan was stopped at the gates and asked if he were Scottish (because his attire resembled the kilt).

“I didn’t know till I reached the Vatican that the dress code requires shoulders and knees to be covered. Mine were covered, though I was in a skirt, but when I said I wasn’t Scottish, the person at the gate wouldn’t let me through,” he said. The person seemed to be a priest – he was in a white buttoned smock. “I was thrilled to be at the Vatican, I’m Roman Catholic, named after the Roman Caesar, I was in his city, my work deals with the Pieta, I was wearing Roman-inspired clothing, thinking in this visit, destiny completes itself.” Clearly, it was not to be. The person at the gate pointed to his skirt, and said, ‘You cannot go in. If you argue, I’ll call the police.”

Macwan didn’t go in. He feels, however, that “more than racist, the episode was chauvinistic.” “I was stopped because I wore a skirt, not because I was showing my knees. There was another guy going in later, in what appeared to be swimming trunks, his knees were showing. But he was let in.”

Though he didn’t get to see the Pieta, Macwan says he feels ‘strangely empowered’ by the incident. “I was in a skirt, I was not allowed in – my work deals with this theme.” And he is not registering any complaints against what he calls the ‘fundamentalism’ of religion. “Though I was humiliated, I am not complaining.” Macwan will instead, channel his experience into another Roman inspired work of art – this time depicting the scene outside the Vatican!”

Couldn’t Disagree More

In this video, Ted Haggard spouts off about forgiveness and restoration.  Haggard, an ex-evangelical preacher, you may recall, was caught up in a web of lies when his gay male prostitute “mistress”, also a meth addict, outed him and exposed him to not only his wife and children, but to his congregation (New Life Church in Colorado Springs – a non-denominational mega church) and the world.  Haggard was destroyed in the tabloids, the news, the reports, on the web and especially in Christian circles.  He was a fraud and led many astray because of his actions.

When Haggard speaks of restoration, he speaks as though he deserves it.  Although he can be forgiven, his attitude doesn’t seem (at least not to me) to be in the right place and it doesn’t seem that he wants to take any responsibility.  I’ve seen him in other videos and have always felt the same about those interviews.  He seems to place a lot of blame and like he doesn’t want to accept his consequences.  Not very manly, if you ask me.  “…Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.”

I couldn’t disagree more with what he says in this video.  He speaks of “the church”, as most Protestants do, as the group of people who believe in Christ.  As Catholics, we speak of “The Church” in a different way and I think that, as She always has, The Church does a great job of restoring people.  It’s frustrating to see a video like this because this ex-pastor, who still has influence on people and can give them reasons not to believe, feels like he can say whatever he wants with complete disregard for who hears it or who he affects.

Watch it and see what you think.  Leave me comments.

TrueMan up!

Tuesdays with Daddy – My Primary Vocation & Responsibility

Sometimes it’s hard to clearly determine priorities.  What’s really number one in my life?  Why is it number one?  What else must occur in order for number one to stay number one?  As a husband and father, my primary vocation is to care for my wife and children, and this is where priorities get sticky for me.  In order to care for them, I need to be with them, but at the same time, I also need to provide shelter, clothing, food and safety – the essentials.  In order to provide the essentials, I have to earn money.  In order to earn money, I have to be away from them, either at my office, on the road speaking or at other locations outside the home.  Since I’m also studying for my master’s degree, my time is taxed heavily.  This isn’t even to mention upkeep of the house and vehicles, house chores and other necessary errands that must be completed.  How do I determine rankings of my responsibilities?

I’ve found that taking myself out of the equation is the best way to make the determinations.  What?  Here’s what I mean… I try to remove my desires, my wants, my preferences and instead, place my wife and children (and all of their needs, wants and desires) first.  When I do this, I find that my emotions are kept in check (even though I might want to be making money, hanging with my guy friends or watching a game).  When my emotions are kept in check, I am able to clearly determine what’s important.  Keep in mind, that making money isn’t bad, and hanging with your guy friends isn’t bad.  They are both goods things.  However, if making money, hanging out with your guy friends or any other activity/project/endeavor takes you away from your priorities, they become distractions and hindrances.

So, when determining priorities, I recommend removing yourself and your emotions from the decision making process.  Once you do that, your mind will be clear and you’ll be able to clearly make the right decisions.  Best of luck.

Man up!

A Fireside "Discussion"

Last night I was up in the mountains with a great group of young Catholics.  We had a great little (easy) hike into a waterfall, played some horseshoes (in the dark) and had a nice meal cooked by our priest.  Somehow [I’m still not certain how exactly] we began discussing the topic of women as altar servers.  I have some pretty firm beliefs on the subject, and stemming from those beliefs, we began to discuss the current state of the Church – all from an opinion/experience standpoint.

I firmly believe that the modern, American Catholic Church is, as I’ve put it before, “by women, for women”.  Yes, the “leaders” are Bishops, Priests and Deacons, but my point is that the lay-portion of the Church is the “for women” part.  This caught some of the young women off guard and immediately put them on the defensive.  This was NOT my intention.  I intended to explain that the problem is not what the women are doing, or their involvement or their faithfulness or anything of the sort… I intended to explain that in order to fix the problem, men must step up and fulfill the call from God to be protectors, defenders, leaders and TrueMen!

Allow me to explain the statement “by women, for women”.  If you look at a typical Catholic parish in America, 80%+ participation and involvement is middle-aged and older women, as well as children.  The liturgies are filled with female volunteers, the events are orchestrated and attended by females and the typical style of worship is geared toward female spirituality – rightly so, since 80%+ in attendance are female.  The problem with this is multi-faceted: First (and FOREMOST) MEN ARE NOT PRESENT.  Men are slacking on their responsibilities and are failing to fulfill their calling as men.  Secondly, when men fail to fulfill their role, women tend to step in and attempt to fulfill the men’s role for them.  This doesn’t work because the male role(s) are meant to be fulfilled by men, and women simply can’t fulfill (rightly) a man’s role.  In the same way, a man cannot successfully fulfill a woman’s role.  If this occurs, the relationships and the fulfillment of the responsibilities are skewed, or disordered.

Another part to the problem is the idea of, an oxymoron, “The Fatherless Family”.  If men are non-existent in the Church, the Church (which is similar to a family unit) will suffer greatly.  This, in my opinion, is the current state of affairs.  The solution to these problems is men stepping up, leading and fulfilling their responsibilities.  As God commanded Adam in the garden, modern men must “shamar” the garden – they must protect, defend and cultivate their world.  My hope is that men begin to learn what it means to live a truly manly lifestyle, within the context of the Life of Faith, as fathers, husbands, sons and friends and that the Church can return to a well-ordered way of operating.  More to come on this.

Disclaimer: This is a generalization.  There are many men, in many parishes, in many dioceses, that are fulfilling their responsibilities and are living well-ordered lives.  There, the Church is strong.  There, the Church is thriving.

Man up!

A Father's Example

I was walking to my truck today in a parking lot, carrying my youngest daughter.  We had just had a nice, leisurely stroll through a store – looking at all sorts of neat things.  As we proceeded to our vehicle, a small car was backing up.  The driver continued backing up, apparently not seeing me walking behind him, or so I thought.  He proceeded to shout something out, throwing in an F-Bomb and getting very agitated that someone happened to be walking behind him while he attempted to back out.  He said, and I quote: “(insert expletive #1 here), don’t walk behind a car when it’s (f-bomb-ing; expletive #2 here) backing up.  (Expletives #’s 3,4 & 5 here)… and so on.”  As I passed his little car, I heard his profane outburst and turned around to look at him, myself agitated that he’d use such language around my daughter.  The woman in the passenger seat saw me staring him down and quickly told the driver to “shut up and get out of here”.  He continued on with his second rant, cut short when he himself turned around and saw me staring him down. 

Now, I didn’t want to have to stare him down, after all, I was carrying my eight-month old daughter.  I figured in this situation that a quick, hard glance might scare him just enough to rethink what he had done.  What made me so frustrated with this guy was that there were little kids (two young boys, no older than eight years old) in the back seat.  I know this because I saw this foursome in the check-out line next to me inside the store.  His behavior inside the store was just as bad as it was in the parking lot, maybe worse.

Here’s my beef with this guy: he doesn’t realize the influence he has on those young boys.  I’m assuming he’s their dad, which is even more upsetting.  These little guys are going to grow up thinking that foul language, anger, aggressive behavior and who knows what other negativity is acceptable and normal.  They’re going to grow up believing that “if I want to be a man, I need to do as Daddy does”.  They’ll be mistaken and will continue to perpetuate the epidemic of males not being TrulyManly.

The reason I write these articles is precisely because of incidents like today’s.  Men everywhere are blowing it.  They’re dropping the ball and passing on incredibly detrimental characteristics to the coming generations.  I applaud the men who are TrueMen that are stopping the cycle and living out manhood the way God intended it.  It’s not easy being a father and having the responsibilities that come with it, yet it’s a must, we have no other choice.

By the way… “old Dave” (the guy I used to be) wanted to yell back, forcefully drag this lame excuse for a man out of his car and pound him until he figured it out.  That wouldn’t have worked out as well.  I think writing about it was a good alternative.

Man up!