Daddy’s Rule – No Boys! It’s Not What You Think

From the time that I learned I was having a daughter (she’s almost 7 now), I began to formulate a rule for her.  I now have 3 daughters, and the rule is the same for all of them.  The rule… very simple: no boys.

As soon as this simple rule came to be, it was often laughed off by those who heard of it.  They assumed it to be some silly new-dad sort of over-compensation for fear of raising a daughter in this crazy world.  It was assumed to be sarcasm, and folly.  Many who thought they knew me associated my burly, rough, sometimes crass and overtly confident exterior with this rule as if I simply wanted to lock my daughter(s) up in the basement, never to see the light of day.

This couldn’t be further from the truth.

Men – if you’re a dad, you should know that there’s nothing more important for a father than getting his children to heaven.  A major stumbling block for many of our children will be their life-choices, especially associated with choices about their relationships (friendships, intimate, romantic, marriage, etc.)  This particular area is not one where we can sit on the sidelines and hope that our children naturally make good choices.  We must be totally invested in them, from the word ‘go’, and know all the details as they grow.

How then do I justify this rule of “no boys”?  It’s very simple.  The opposite of manliness is childishness.  Manliness equals virtue.  So, when a man (read as “virtuous man”) comes into OUR lives… at a MUCH later date… and proves himself worthy of my daughter’s attention, involvement, affection, and potentially her ‘yes’ to marriage, it will be time for her to embrace her vocation to marriage (should it be so.)  I’m not, in the least, afraid of her vocation, because it comes from God and will be a major contributor towards her sanctification.  [FYI – I’ll discuss the topic of “courting” (versus dating) in a coming post.]

The “10 Rules to Date My Daughter” lists, and “Applications to Date My Daughter”, etc. etc. etc. aren’t where we should be.  We also shouldn’t be on the “Her Body, Her Rules – feminist father” side either.  (See a good post by Tom Hoopes in response to a recent pic floating around the interwebs.)  These fail to honor our daughters and their abilities, which speaks poorly of us as fathers.  We should be on the side of total investment in teaching our daughters that they are loved, that they are princesses (more on this below), and that they are worth the very best.

“That they are princesses” is important to explain.  Disney has hijacked the princess for the past 20+ years, and it appears that they will continue to hijack it for many more to come.  Our daughters don’t understand what “princess” truly means, they merely see bad examples of rebellious, poor-decision-making, spoiled little girls in those movies, instead of what a princess really is… the daughter of the King.  Jesus is King, and because He’s God, and we are His (God’s) children, thus we are welcomed into His royal family, and therefore, we’re all princes and princesses.  Princesses deserve the very best, by sheer nature of their birth, and that’s what we must instill in our daughters.  If our daughters know their worth, and how to make good decisions, we won’t have to worry about their choice in a spouse because it will be right.

I could go on and on with this topic, but I won’t.  Just make sure that if you’re a dad, that you spend time investing in your daughters each and every day.  And remember, “No Boys!”

TrueMan up!

“Skirt Covering the Knees, Leg Warmers, Boots, a Half-Sleeved Shirt…”

These are words that have never come out of my mouth as to something I was wearing.  Other than the boots part.  Skirt?  Leg Warmers?  Geez.  I thought this story was a joke when I first saw it about two weeks ago, but apparently, it’s not.  This guy actually exists.  I looked up his “art”… very disturbing.  I don’t recommend it.  In fact, I suggest you don’t.  It’s a bit pornographic and very sacrilegious.  There are very clear and problematic issues with this male’s stance… it is the same problem that we see often in our culture; the oxymoron of feminine-men and masculine-women.  Put plainly, when men and women lose their gender roles and responsibilities, there is a disorder happening and things get all out of whack.  As I’ve written several times before, our Church and many of Her leaders (including Blessed John Paul II) emphatically teach “equal in dignity, difference in roles.”  It’s the only thing that makes sense.

I’m glad the Vatican stands up to this sort of behavior.  If an institution in America did this, they’d be sued, all over the lib-media and denounced as intolerant and judgmental.  The Vatican plays by different rules.  Thank goodness.  Here’s the story…

“Mumbai-based artist Julius Macwan has felt strongly about women’s causes for a long time — in solidarity of which he wears skirts, a statement that he feels underlines his connection with and sympathies for the fairer sex. But this very ‘rule breaking’ got him into a bit of a conundrum in Rome last week.

Julius, a Roman Catholic by birth, inspired by Italy’s greats Michelangelo and Bernini in his art, named after Roman emperor Julius Caesar was ironically stopped at the very gates he was longing to pass through for a very long time — he was forbidden from entering the Vatican because he was in a skirt.

“I was in a state of shock, my mind was numb,” Macwan, now back in Mumbai, recalled. “My most famous work is inspired by the Pieta, it is also called the Pieta/The Death of Magic. I wanted to see the Pieta in the Vatican, had dressed formally for the occasion — skirt covering the knees, leg warmers, boots, a half- sleeved shirt. You can say my outfit was inspired by Roman warriors of the past.”

It might be interesting to note that Macwan’s Pieta/The Death of Magic depicts a self portrait of Julius himself, in a skirt, holding the body of a woman in a bikini, representative of the magic of womanhood dying in a male-controlled world. Macwan’s Pieta is now part of Harsh Goenka’s collection.

The original Pieta, (which has four versions, the most famed being in the Vatican) sculpted by Italian genius Michelangelo depicts the Virgin Mary distraught as she holds the body of Christ.

Despite his knees being covered, Macwan was stopped at the gates and asked if he were Scottish (because his attire resembled the kilt).

“I didn’t know till I reached the Vatican that the dress code requires shoulders and knees to be covered. Mine were covered, though I was in a skirt, but when I said I wasn’t Scottish, the person at the gate wouldn’t let me through,” he said. The person seemed to be a priest – he was in a white buttoned smock. “I was thrilled to be at the Vatican, I’m Roman Catholic, named after the Roman Caesar, I was in his city, my work deals with the Pieta, I was wearing Roman-inspired clothing, thinking in this visit, destiny completes itself.” Clearly, it was not to be. The person at the gate pointed to his skirt, and said, ‘You cannot go in. If you argue, I’ll call the police.”

Macwan didn’t go in. He feels, however, that “more than racist, the episode was chauvinistic.” “I was stopped because I wore a skirt, not because I was showing my knees. There was another guy going in later, in what appeared to be swimming trunks, his knees were showing. But he was let in.”

Though he didn’t get to see the Pieta, Macwan says he feels ‘strangely empowered’ by the incident. “I was in a skirt, I was not allowed in – my work deals with this theme.” And he is not registering any complaints against what he calls the ‘fundamentalism’ of religion. “Though I was humiliated, I am not complaining.” Macwan will instead, channel his experience into another Roman inspired work of art – this time depicting the scene outside the Vatican!”

7 Days of Super Bowl Stuff – SBXLIV – Day 2 “Crowning a Champion”

This is my latest article on iibloom.com, posted Feb 1, 2010:

The countdown has begun; t-minus 6 days and counting until the big game. Super Bowl XLIV is upon us, one of the biggest spectacles in all of sports and entertainment. The anticipation of the game is on the minds of many sports fans across the country. The anticipation of the commercials, which might be the larger anticipation, is on the minds of television fans and of “people who like parties with lots of food.” In the end, there will be a winning team (the champions) and a losing team. It may be the team you are rooting for, it might not. 50/50. Win: go down in history. Lose: be forgotten.

It’s easy for us to get into the stereotypical (“dumb ox”) mindset when it comes to football…”ugh…me like football, mmm, smash, kill, score, win…ugh.” It’s easy to yell at the television, even though we know they can’t hear us and that the play we’re yelling about is already history. It’s easy to stuff our faces full of greasy food during any given game. It’s easy to become involved, in an unhealthy way, in the fantasy of the game. Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing intrinsically evil about football, and in the right context, is perfectly normal and healthy, however, we should guard against a few tendencies that are common in our society.

1. We must realize that football is a game and has no bearing on what our goal in life should be – getting to Heaven.
2. We shouldn’t try to live (vicariously or otherwise) through our favorite football team or all-star players.
3. We should never allow football to take precedence over family time.
4. We should never allow football to take precedence over our responsibilities.
5. We should “consume” football in reasonable, moderate amounts.

Maybe football isn’t your thing, and you could care less about the Super Bowl, or the commercials. That’s fine. Substitute the worldly thing in your life that you enjoy the most for the word football in the five sentences above. (Shopping, Watching movies/television, Going to concerts, etc.)

Reporters often ask coaches what their “game plan” is and if getting to the Superbowl was in the plan from the beginning. What a ridiculous question! Of course it was in their plan, it’s every coach’s plan, and it should always be their plan as long as they’re coaching! No coach, or player, ever goes into a season playing for second-best. The goal is always to win! Liken this to our goals in life. If we go into our season without a game plan, without a set of plays and without the playbook, we’ll easily be defeated. We should go into the game of life with the goal of winning. 

Our “season” is our life. The “game plan” is our daily plan of how we’re going to grow closer to Christ. The “set of plays” are our everyday prayers, actions, choices and the Mass and our “playbook” is Sacred Scripture. If we set a goal of achieving the title of “champion” (a Saint in Heaven), we’re much more likely to be granted that salvation than if we never decide to shoot for anything in life. Set your goal towards God.

Many coaches are constantly telling their players to be humble, play hard and to not underestimate their opponents. They realize that their team isn’t perfect, while at the same time continuing to shoot for perfection. Their positive and optimistic outlook guides their team towards greatness. We should all be shooting for greatness too. God wants our best, given freely to him, in all we do. 

In the little things (hosting a Super Bowl party, being a guest at one, making comments about the plays, the calls or the commercials) during the game (and always), be aware of your words, your actions and your thoughts. A true follower of Christ never makes someone call into question his motivation, his intent or his character. Give God your very best and you’ll be crowned a champion!

Man up!