“The Physical Part is the Hardest for Us” – Get Rid of the Porn

I recently received an email from a loyal reader of the website. Inside the email contained a story that I have heard many times. The story of a young man, striving for holiness, in a relationship with a wonderful young woman, also striving for holiness. Yet, undoubtedly, this couple has “weakness of the flesh”. Just yesterday I received an email from another young gentleman, a first-time reader of the site, who told me similar information. How does a couple prevent this sort of temptation? How does a couple who has already experienced physical intimacy with one another bounce back and live chastity? How does a couple know when they’ve crossed the line?

Let’s be honest… it’s normal to be physically attracted to someone you are in a romantic relationship with!  Duh! It’s usually a tell-tale sign that the relationship isn’t going anywhere when you aren’t.  That’s not usually the problem.  Typically, the problem is that one or both of the persons in the relationship have had physical relationships before.  One may think that the other expects certain things, or they may think that in order to keep them, they need to “do things”.  They may also think that “it’s normal” or that “it’s what people in love do”.  I’m going to go out on a limb here and say that the majority of relationships that are prematurely physically intimate, one or both of the individuals in the relationship either have a problem with pornography, are infatuated with the media or feel some sort of pressure to perform.  I believe that without these major stumbling blocks in the way, a couple is more apt to lead healthy, chaste relationships.

Why do these stumbling blocks matter?  If someone is involved with pornography, their entire perception of truth, as related to sexuality, is skewed.  They are unable to see the beauty which God created and intended sex to be.  If someone is infatuated with the media, they often put themselves in the place of their favorite star, character or role.  This becomes fantasy and is problematic when reality sets in.  Either way, neither individual is in a place where they are even supposed to be giving themselves as a free-gift to their significant other simply because they aren’t married yet!  Living a life of selfish, hedonistic motivations leads only to more selfishness.  Selfishness kills relationships.

You may be wondering why I’m bringing this up.  I know, from my countless discussions with hundreds and hundreds of men from all over the country, most of whom have/had addictions to pornography, that most of us would not have issues with physical intimacy (prior to or in marriage) if it weren’t for our weakness and failures associated with our addiction.  I urge you to get rid of the porn!  It is secretly destroying your life.  You may not be able to see it, but I speak from personal experience… it’s creeping in where ever it can and it will pounce at the right time.  If you want to have a healthy, long-lasting relationship, with the woman of your dreams (I have this!!!) work on your personal chastity starting RIGHT NOW!  Work on being self-giving, instead of self-serving.  Selfishness is a horrible trait, so get rid of it.

Coming up soon, keeping our eyes on Christ on the Cross.

Man up!