TRUEMANHOOD PODCAST – EPISODE 14 – SUMMER PLANS

Dave has some special words for college, high school, and middle school students about how to dominate summer time! This episode is great for parents, too! Please share this information with any young person in your life. Be proactive, make a plan, set goals, and dominate! GO!

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Cultural Manliness – a Review

Back in 2011, I wrote this post to review “cultural manliness”.  I’m posting again because it’s important that people hear this term, understand this concept, and work to fight it.  I was recently at a large Catholic conference, and no matter who I talked to, they all agreed that cultural manliness is in fact rampant, and is in fact, a highly worth-while cause to fight.  I appreciate the support and ask that everyone work with me to explain this concept so that our men, young men, and our boys learn what it means to be authentically masculine, a TrueMan.

Cultural manliness, for those unfamiliar with the term (which I coined several years ago) is the idea that “the more power, money, sex and stuff a male has, the more manly he is.”  This idea is propagated in our culture virtually non-stop, whether on the television, on the internet, in movies, throughout magazines and newspapers, on billboards, in songs, in advertising and just about anywhere those areas don’t cover.  The idea is propagated for a few reasons: 1. men buy into this lie.  2. women buy into this lie.  3. children buy into this lie.  4. people make money off of this lie.  5. the devil wins souls through this lie.

Cultural manliness – being in pursuit of the things of this world – will kill a man.  Power, money, sex and stuff doesn’t win our salvation, but it certainly can keep us from it.  Cultural manliness easily gets in the way of a relationship with Christ.  Why does this matter?  Because Christ is the true example of manliness!  He is THE TrueMan.  He is the reason this site exists.  He is the reason why the site is called what it is called.  “Blessed be Jesus Christ, True God and TrueMan.”  Anything other than pursuing Christ is futile and unmanly.

The world wants to tell a man that he will be ‘happy’ if he has more power, more sex, more money and more stuff.  These things, in and of themselves are not bad, but they don’t bring happiness.  They may bring emotional counterfeits that men believe to be happiness, but they aren’t happiness.

What then makes a man, if it’s not power, money, sex and stuff?  Virtue!  Prudence, Justice, Fortitude and Temperance – Faith, Hope and Love.  Learn them, live them, be a TrueMan!  (Read the “TrueManhood Guide to Virtue” here.)

If you’d like to read more on the topic, do a search (in the white box on the upper right portion of each page of this site) for “cultural manliness”.  You’ll have plenty of reading material.  Or, go to the blog page and click the “cultural manliness” tab.  I’d like to know your thoughts on this topic – leave a comment.

TrueMan up!

5 Myths About Masturbation by Brian Kissinger (thePornEffect.com)

Masturbation is a topic that is rarely discussed.  It should be discussed more, and more openly, and not just with teen boys with raging hormones.  I’ve been speaking about pornography use a lot lately on my radio program, in talks I’ve been giving, and as it comes up in conversation with people and even I fail to discuss this side of the topic.  It’s a serious sin (mortal) and almost always linked to pornography use or disordered fantasy.  Clinicians sometimes refer to masturbation as “self-harm”, “self-abuse”, “self-use”, etc.  Planned Parenthood, and their materials, encourage masturbation for children starting at a very young age.  Let’s expose the lies and bring it into the light.

I saw this article posted on The Porn Effect and thought it was important to share.  The author is Brian Kissinger.

“I have read a few books, I have even taken courses on the subject, but nothing could have fully prepared me for teaching a year-long class of Theology of the Body to 150 freshman boys.  Words can’t quite describe the awkwardness of a room full of 14-year-olds trying to maturely discuss the mechanics of the male reproductive system.  One day, as class was ending, one of the students asked me a question that I thought had to be a joke. He wanted to know i it was true that people will explode if they don’t masturbate regularly.  It took me a little while to realize that he was being completely serious, and it was then that I realized just how confused our world has become.

Here are five lies about masturbation that I believe have infected our culture: 

Myth #1: Only Boys Struggle With it

Even though boys are usually the ones joking about masturbation, the truth is that this is an issue for many women as well. Like other issues of sexuality, this subject of jokes for boys is often a source of shame for the girls who struggle.  Even in youth ministry, chastity talks for boys often include mention of masturbation while the topic isn’t, unfortunately, addressed as frequently with girls.

Myth #2: It Can’t Be A Sin; It’s “Natural”

The existence of something in nature is never a good argument for moral issues. I’ve heard people bring up this argument after discovering that certain animals have been known to masturbate.  Anyone who’s been outside can tell you that animals do a lot of weird stuff. I’ve seen dogs eat their vomit and monkeys play with their crap, but neither of these “natural” examples should inspire imitation.

Myth #3: It Doesn’t Hurt Anyone

Everything we do in life is training, either toward virtue or vice. Every athlete, musician, actors, and cage fighter can tell you that practice matters. Masturbation trains us to think that sexual desire is something that should be satisfied immediately, and it reinforces the idea that sex is about selfish instant gratification.  While love is all about giving and sacrificing one’s desires for the needs of another person, masturbation is all about training us to do whatever we want to feel good. Masturbation slowly but surely destroys our ability to give and receive love.  

Myth #4: It’s Just A Way To Release Sexual Tension

Did you see that news story about the teen who spontaneously combusted because of pent-up sexual tension? Yeah, me neither. According to this logical, the people who masturbate the most should be the most peaceful and sexually pure people around.  That’s like telling someone with anger management issues that fist fights are a good way to relieve the tension. A momentary sense of relief is not worth the guilt, shame, and loneliness that are tied to the sin.

Myth #5: It’s Just A Phase You’re Going Through 

Like all sins, masturbation doesn’t just go away over time. In fact the opposite is true: the more we do it, the more we become attached to the habit It’s not a problem that magically disappears when you get married.  So many marriages have been ruined by a spouse’s addiction to masturbation. When a husband or wife turns to themselves for sexual gratification, the other spouse will naturally feel like they’re inadequate.  Regardless of your past, your habits, or your lack of will power, there is hope.  God’s not cheering for you rom a distance; He’s living in you to bring power where you are weak. Run to the Sacrament of Reconciliation and you will find both healing and freedom.” 

Google Might be Out, but Porn is Still In

In a story that started buzzing yesterday, Porn Harms reported that Google has agreed to stop advertising sexually explicit material.  Here’s a story from Breitbart.com.  I’m glad to hear this news, but I realize that it’s merely a small (tiny, miniscule, maybe even irrelevant?) step in the fight against internet pornography.  On a positive note, they have removed all of their pornography apps from the Google Play store, a very positive step forward!

It wouldn’t really matter if Google dropped, blocked, and deleted it from their services; porn is available.  It’s so available that it pops up when we don’t want it to, when we don’t expect it to, and in completely harmless situations, like when our children utilize the internet.  If you’re a man, there are countless things you can (and should) be doing to help prevent yourself from falling into the trap of internet pornography.  However, when children are involved, we can’t sit by acting as if nothing is happening, because it is.  The likelihood that your child, anywhere over the age of 3, has seen pornography in some form is astonishing.  Ignorance to this fact is never the answer.

The reality is that parents must teach their children the truths about porn, the human body, anatomy, and sexuality.  The only way to win back purity in our insane culture is to teach the truth and to teach it openly to everyone, including our children.  Age-appropriate education is vital.  There are various ways to talk to your children, starting at a very young age, about their bodies, about appropriate behavior and touch, about sexuality.  As children grow, that age-appropriate information changes, develops, and increases.  It is a misnomer to call any form of sex-ed “the talk”, as if it happens once.  Insteadof “the talk”, it should be “the on going series of education, information, encouragement, explanation, and truth about our bodies, sexuality, and reproductive organs”.  That series should include the appropriate information, and shouldn’t leave out the consequences of poor choices and poorly formed consciences.

Notice that I’m not saying that we should ban sex and never talk about it.  That obviously hasn’t worked.  The puritanical approach towards sexuality can’t last and causes rebellion.  Sexuality is too important, too special, and too powerful to suppress.  Notice, too, that I’m certainly not suggesting that we let our kids go hog-wild sexually, as if there’s no consequence to their choices.  Instead, just as the Church teaches in Her infinite wisdom, we should embrace human sexuality, with full-knowledge of the purpose and plan, and interact within that intended purpose.  Freedom exists there.

I’ve come across many parents as I’ve taught on this topic, and as I’ve presented at parishes across the country.  My presentation “Helping Parents Protect Their Children from the Internet and Technology” has shown me that many more parents need to know the truth, be equipped with resources and information, and be instructed on how to talk to their kids.  It’s never too late, but that doesn’t mean you should continue to wait.  Parents – have the conversations with your kids, and do it today.  Oh, and Dads… this isn’t Mom’s job.  It’s your job.  Do it.

TrueMan up!

More Embarrassing Than Anything Else?

This story has been in the news a significant amount over the past 11 months or so, but I thought it good to discuss it here on, apparently, the last stage of the case.  Lawrence Taylor, former NFL Linebacker for the NY Giants, was indicted on several counts of sexual misconduct, prostitution, having sex with an underage female, etc. etc. in May of 2010.  (For the entire case file and details, google or youtube videos for more specifics.)  Yesterday, Taylor was in court for his sex offender hearing.

There are lots of details to this case, but I want to focus on his response on this FOX News show.  Watch it then read below.

If you watched closely, you may have seen some of the glaring problems that I saw.  For instance, LT tried to justify his actions.  He seemed to shrug off the gravity of his actions.  He attempted to answer several of the questions, but as he proceeded, he seemingly realized that his honest answer would “get him in trouble” at home with his wife and he backed off.  As he stumbled through his answers, you could tell from both his body language and his stuttering that he was trying to give the political answer instead of owning up to what he did.  (From the start, LT’s story changed.  Originally, he said he never had sex with the prostitute, a 16 year old girl.  Then he admitted to pieces of the story, then eventually, he admitted – after taking a plea deal – to all of the charges.)  LT, you should have been honest from the start.  Better yet, you shouldn’t have been looking to a pimp to find you a woman to fornicate with.

And, what’s the deal with “then it’s all clean”???  Prostitution isn’t clean.  It does mess with emotions, with the chemical makeup, with relationships.  It’s not clean at all.

And another thing… yes, some of us are trying to shut down the sex trafficking industry!  One by one, 10 by 10, whatever it takes.

And no, Mr. Taylor, not everyone goes to prostitutes.  In fact, most of us don’t.  Please don’t speak for the rest of us.

Beyond the first interview, (in part 2) LT talks about his 5 year old son.  He appears to believe that his son will be a better man because of what he (LT) has gone through.  Let me tell you something… it doesn’t work like that.  Little boys act like their daddies, whether good bad or indifferent.  For the bad daddies, unless someone, hopefully their daddy himself, intervenes and sets a better example, the little boy is prone to bad behavior.  That’s painting the picture with broad strokes, but it’s the statistics.

In the end, I’m not saying there’s no hope for this guy.  I’m not saying that he won’t make it through.  I’m not saying that he’s going to use prostitutes again, or that his son is hopeless, or that a conversion to our Lord isn’t possible.  What I’m saying, similar to what I said about Tiger Woods, is that men like this, who have loads of influence and power, are detrimental to manliness because of their lack of knowledge and implementation of virtue.

TrueMan up!

Why Fight Porn?

So what’s the big deal with porn, anyway?  Why do we put so much emphasis on how evil and dangerous porn is?  Why fight porn?

Ask any Catholic priest and he’ll tell you that the majority (majority NOT used lightly here) of male confessions heard in the confessional are oriented towards impurity, lust, sexual misbehavior/acting out and pornography abuse.  This is also not to say that many of the female confessions heard in the confessional don’t also cover these topics.  Many priests I have asked about this topic have told me that upward of 85-90% of the confessions they hear from men are linked to pornography abuse.  This is astonishing and could be, if viewed incorrectly, disheartening.  The devil is attempting to kill our souls, our culture and our Church from the inside out through the use of pornography.  Many believe that it is not a public problem, that if “I” use porn in the quiet of my own home, that it doesn’t effect anyone else.  This is FALSE.

Tomorrow, I will dive into the reality of the effects of pornography, as well as the link pornography has to Life issues and social justice issues (such as divorce, rape, incest, abuse of women, domestic violence, etc.) and will attempt to create for you a strong correlation between these links.  The link between pornography (sexual hedonism and sexual utilitarianism) and many other serious issues is strong!

Before we go, I urge all men to educate themselves on the truth!  Don’t take my word for things, don’t take any one single person’s word for anything.  Do your research and go into it unbiased and open to the truth, for the truth shall set you free!  (This comes from a guy who doubted a ton, thought he could make his own truth and eventually got hit upside the proverbial head with the proverbial 2×4.  Take it from me… do your research!)

TrueMan up!

New Law in Louisville Could Be Big

Taking small steps to curb or end the trafficking of pornography and illicit sexual activity throughout our communities might seem like it doesn’t make a big difference.  The absolutely massive amounts of pornography and scandalous sexual activity (not to mention illegal and morally reprehensible) running rampant everywhere, often seems like a daunting task to overcome.  Many believe that we can’t even make a dent in the $100+ Billion dollar pornography industry.  This is not the case!  Small chunks will eventually make all the difference in the world.  Here’s a great story about a law in Louisville, Kentucky that will help.

Taken from a Louisville, Kentucky based website:

Operators of adult businesses in Louisville are pinning their last hope on an appeal to the U.S. Supreme Court in a seven-year battle with the city over a no-nudity ordinance they say would effectively shut them down. Unless the nation’s highest court intercedes, city officials say they’ll begin enforcing the ordinance as early as February, effectively ending nude dancing and, eventually, alcohol sales at the city’s strip clubs.  If that happens, then adult businesses may as well shut their doors, said attorney Frank Mascagni III, who represents Déjà Vu and PT’s Showclub, because he said no one is going to go to a strip club to buy an overpriced soda and watch a woman dance in a “G-string and pasties.”

“They’re going to run all of these businesses out of town,” he said of the city.  About 25 adult businesses, including several adult DVD and bookstores, have sued to stop the ordinance, which would eliminate all-nude dancing and alcohol sales, and force club owners and employees to pay licensing fees. Clubs will be allowed to sell alcohol until their current license expires, but they will not be allowed to renew, officials said.  The ordinance also would halt touching and direct tipping of dancers by patrons, prohibit lap dances, and enact a 6-foot buffer zone between dancers and patrons, as well as restrict hours of operation and force clubs to make structural changes inside and outside to deter illegal activity.  Owners of adult businesses have been battling the ordinance, trying to get the courts to rule it unconstitutional, since the Louisville Metro Council passed it in 2004.  They’ve lost each step of the way, most recently last spring before the Kentucky Supreme Court.

Mascagni has until the end of January to file an appeal, and says he’ll do so, even as he acknowledges that chances are slim that the U.S. Supreme Court will hear arguments in the case.  Even if the high court decides to hear the case, Mascagni said, that likely wouldn’t happen until 2012.  City officials, meanwhile, are moving ahead with plans to enforce the ordinance, said Bill Patteson, a spokesman for the Jefferson County Attorney’s Office.  “The process has not stopped,” Patteson said.  Initially, he said, citations and fines will be issued only on violations related to portions of the ordinance that are the easiest to enforce, such as eliminating direct touching and private lap dances.

Mascagni said he felt he had to try to fight the new law because he believes Metro Government is trying to legislate morality.  “Politicians shouldn’t be regulating human behavior,” he said.  Metro Council member Madonna Flood, D-24th District, who was one of the sponsors of the ordinance, said it arose from planning and zoning issues with some newly opened adult bookstores in south Louisville and was intended to combat property devaluation and criminal activity.  It was not designed to “legislate morality” or shut down the businesses, she said.  “They have the right to operate, but I have an obligation to protect property owners,” she said.

Mascagni said club owners have indicated to him they would look at the economic impact of the ordinance and consider closing or moving if profits suffer.  “I believe the government has the right to regulate industries — we all know civilized society needs rules,” Mascagni said. “My problem with this (ordinance) is the city government is making conduct that is otherwise lawful so restrictive that my companies will have to go out of business.”  A letter outlining the guidelines of the ordinance is being crafted, and will be distributed to businesses, Patteson said.  Bill O’Brien, director of the civil division for the County Attorney’s office, called the potential high court appeal a “last desperate attempt to avoid regulations.”  “I really do believe they’ll say no,” he said of the Supreme Court.  Jim Mims, director of the city’s Department of Codes and Regulations, which will oversee enforcement, said he understands some businesses will have to make structural changes to comply with the guidelines, such as moving stages or adding lighting. He said the city will give them 30 to 45 days once they receive the letter to do so.  “We will work with operators and property owners to make sure that is the case,” he said. “Our mission is not just to penalize people; our mission is to get these operations in compliance with the ordinance.”

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