Ep.15 – How to Fight Lust

Dave discusses an article he recently read, suggesting that a person struggling with pornography should fight their anger – he disagrees. In this episode, he’ll give a better understanding of how to fight lust, or any other vice someone might struggle with. Dave also gives his parenting advice on the topic of teaching your kids expectations.

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The TrueManhood Podcast Episode 5 – Hyper-male vs. Effeminate Male

Dave compares the world’s idea of masculinity, discussing the vice of excess, and what he calls “The Hyper-male” contrasted by the vice of deficiency, and what he calls “The Effeminate-male”. Neither of these ideas about masculinity are correct. Instead, all males should strive for TrueManhood – being like Christ.

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Living Balance? No thanks, I’ll stick with Order.

A lie flying around in our culture – one that is very prevalent, and common-language for many – is the encouragement to “Live a balanced life.” (or other variations of it.)  It’s sneaky in the way that it is extremely mainstream while still flying under the radar.  It’s subtle, yet dangerous.  I’ll explain.

Living balance is the commonly held idea that — if a person does things in a balanced way, or at least in a way that doesn’t emphasize something too much or too little, that he’ll be living rightly.   And thus, by living rightly, he will become happy.  If everything in a person’s life is “just right”, and nothing tips the scales one way or the other, the balance they experience will make all things right.  —  There are many problems with this idea.  First, living balance isn’t rooted in anything tangible, ie: what does ‘balance’ even mean?  Doing merely what I want to do (balance), even if in a moderate fashion, doesn’t mean that I’m doing what I ought to do (order.)  What we ought to be doing, regardless of who we are or what our state in life may be, is to live virtue.  Living virtue allows us “not only to do good acts, but to give the best of our self.”  (Catechism of the Catholic Church #1803.)  Giving the best of myself is what I ought to do.

The “balance lie” would state that as long as the individual isn’t negating some aspect of his life, or at least not too much, he can do each activity in a balanced fashion.  The truth about order is that, I’m called to living a life that is worth the very best.  Choosing activities merely because I want to do them, isn’t necessarily pointing me towards that very best.  Depending on what activities I’m doing, they may or may not be evil in-and-of-themselves, yet they may not be quite what I ought to be doing.  Here, the question must go deeper (again, more than simply what I want to do) and ask the question, do I possess the virtue of temperance?  Am I exercising justice?  What about fortitude?  Am I living prudently?  Are my actions pointing towards charity?  In attempting, however, to live virtue and do the greatest good, I’m challenged to order those things, along with others in my life, so that ultimately, I’m able to possess the virtues and live as closely to the example set by Christ as possible.

Here’s a video where I explain this idea a bit further.  Live order.

TrueMan up!

Thoughts from the Men’s Conference

This past Saturday, March 20th, men’s conferences took place in numerous cities all around the country.  From comments, updates, posts and blogs that I’ve seen, it appears that most of the conferences were huge successes.  The same can be said for the men’s conference in Colorado Springs, emcee’d by my friend Sean Dalton.  The speakers (for the most part) did a pretty good job.  I’m sure that many of the men would be able to find something they would have done differently, but overall, I think it was a success.  Here’s a recap of some of my favorite parts from the conference.

Dennis Murphy, a local Licensed Professional Counselor and teacher at the local Catholic high school, gave an incredible talk on the differences between men and women.  What I liked about what he did was that he used scientific knowledge of the brain to explain the neurological, physical, emotional and spiritual differences.  There’s a clear difference between the genders, and in order for the next generation(s) of boys to become men, we must allow them (encourage them, assist them, enliven them) to embrace their masculinity.  There’s also a big role in leading them toward masculinity.  Instead of suppressing a boy’s innate desire to turn a stick into a sword, bat, gun or bazooka, we should encourage this… not so he can be violent (unless the situation warrants violence for the protection of the defenseless) but so that he can understand how to protect and defend, as God commanded Adam to do in the Garden of Eden.

Later in the day, Dr. Tim Gray gave an incredible talk on “being the first over the wall”, an ancient Roman soldier’s goal when charging an enemy fortress.  He encouraged the men in the audience to be men of action, to stop complaining and take the lead.  The Roman soldier who got over the wall first won a golden crown, for his heroism, abilities in war and his leadership.  We men have the same task, but our crown is in Heaven.  He also spoke about what St. Thomas Aquinas wrote as “effeminacy”, basically calling out every and any man in the place who chooses comfort and pleasure over doing what is right.  He lumped himself in that group, on occasion, but at the same time showed that we are all growing and changing, learning from our mistakes, and that we should be striving to put comfort and pleasure behind what we ought to do.

Other speakers included Bill & Billy Moyer, a powerful father-son duo that emphasized the power of forgiveness, leadership and goal setting.  Unfortunately, I didn’t get to hear their entire talk, although what I did hear was very good.  Check them out at their website by clicking HERE.  We also heard from Curtis Martin, founder and President of FOCUS.  His talk was short and to the point, and great, I might add.  Curtis encouraged all the men to “get up off our fat butts” and do something.  He spoke of how there’s crisis everywhere and how the crisis will only stop when someone steps up and does something about it.  He told a story of how at the end of life, we all sit before the judgement seat and will have to answer for our actions in life.  What are we doing?  Is it worthy of Heaven?  Are we sitting around complaining, and not doing?  Are we waiting around for someone to lead us?  Are we making excuses?  His encouragement to get up after we fail was great for me to hear.  Sometimes, I think that this website, my speaking engagements, my graduate studies, my crazy 60 hours per week schedule at work and all the “other” stuff I do isn’t really worth it.  That sort of mentality comes straight from the evil deceiver.  We have to keep getting up and moving forward.

I want to congratulate the Diocese of Colorado Springs, especially Christian Meert and Rob Faughnan (two friends of mine) who were integral to the conference, for a job well done.

Man up!