Porn – Out of Sight, Out of Mind?

I’m now a couple of weeks into my new career as a teacher.  I’m really enjoying it, and the kids are amazing.  We have great conversations about the faith, and I really believe that I’m reaching them.  As I consider each of my classes and each of my students, I haven’t yet breached the subject of pornography.  I’m working now to form bonds of trust and mutual respect, and want to work towards gaining moral authority with my students.  We’ll get there, and I don’t think it will take long.

In one class specifically, but in all seven of my classes generally, I’ll be diving into the topic of The Theology of the Body, and when we dive into that topic, we must (absolutely MUST) discuss the topic of pornography.  So I’ve been thinking about how I’m going to breach the subject, and how I’m going to deal with the responses.  I’ve presented to middle and high school kids plenty of times on the topic, but never in the classroom setting… always in retreat and/or talk situations.  This is going to be much different.

This got me thinking… if parents don’t fail with pornography use themselves, and also don’t know whether or not their children do, does the topic ever cross their mind?  Is pornography an “out of sight, out of mind” problem?  I know it crosses mine because I’m aware of the realities in my own life (past use), as well as the realities of the industry and the prevalence.  Here are some distinct groups when it comes to porn awareness.

1. Users: obviously, they’re highly aware of porn and are abusing it frequently.  It’s on their mind, if not constantly, very regularly.
2. Those fighting: highly aware and trying to create awareness in others.
3. Those in recovery: depending on the length of recovery, it may not be a frequent awareness, but they’re aware.
4. Those oblivious: have no knowledge of the topic, aren’t aware at all.
5. Those in denial: refusal to believe that porn is actually a problem.

What group do you fall in?  Are you a man using porn?  Does it rule your life?  What are you doing about it if this is you?  Or, are you in recovery?  Perhaps you’re oblivious and don’t know much about porn.  (You’ve come to a good site to learn more about the truths of pornography!  Just do a search in the white box.)  Are you a parent who is in denial of how bad pornography is and how likely your child is using it?  Wherever you might be, please continue to educate yourself on the matter and realize that, even if porn is “out of sight”, it can’t be “out of mind.”

I hope to be creating some good new resources for parents on the topic of fighting pornography, and I want to get them out to you very soon.  In the meantime, please look through my site for help.  Email info@truemanhood.com for specific questions.

TrueMan up!

5 Myths About Masturbation by Brian Kissinger (thePornEffect.com)

Masturbation is a topic that is rarely discussed.  It should be discussed more, and more openly, and not just with teen boys with raging hormones.  I’ve been speaking about pornography use a lot lately on my radio program, in talks I’ve been giving, and as it comes up in conversation with people and even I fail to discuss this side of the topic.  It’s a serious sin (mortal) and almost always linked to pornography use or disordered fantasy.  Clinicians sometimes refer to masturbation as “self-harm”, “self-abuse”, “self-use”, etc.  Planned Parenthood, and their materials, encourage masturbation for children starting at a very young age.  Let’s expose the lies and bring it into the light.

I saw this article posted on The Porn Effect and thought it was important to share.  The author is Brian Kissinger.

“I have read a few books, I have even taken courses on the subject, but nothing could have fully prepared me for teaching a year-long class of Theology of the Body to 150 freshman boys.  Words can’t quite describe the awkwardness of a room full of 14-year-olds trying to maturely discuss the mechanics of the male reproductive system.  One day, as class was ending, one of the students asked me a question that I thought had to be a joke. He wanted to know i it was true that people will explode if they don’t masturbate regularly.  It took me a little while to realize that he was being completely serious, and it was then that I realized just how confused our world has become.

Here are five lies about masturbation that I believe have infected our culture: 

Myth #1: Only Boys Struggle With it

Even though boys are usually the ones joking about masturbation, the truth is that this is an issue for many women as well. Like other issues of sexuality, this subject of jokes for boys is often a source of shame for the girls who struggle.  Even in youth ministry, chastity talks for boys often include mention of masturbation while the topic isn’t, unfortunately, addressed as frequently with girls.

Myth #2: It Can’t Be A Sin; It’s “Natural”

The existence of something in nature is never a good argument for moral issues. I’ve heard people bring up this argument after discovering that certain animals have been known to masturbate.  Anyone who’s been outside can tell you that animals do a lot of weird stuff. I’ve seen dogs eat their vomit and monkeys play with their crap, but neither of these “natural” examples should inspire imitation.

Myth #3: It Doesn’t Hurt Anyone

Everything we do in life is training, either toward virtue or vice. Every athlete, musician, actors, and cage fighter can tell you that practice matters. Masturbation trains us to think that sexual desire is something that should be satisfied immediately, and it reinforces the idea that sex is about selfish instant gratification.  While love is all about giving and sacrificing one’s desires for the needs of another person, masturbation is all about training us to do whatever we want to feel good. Masturbation slowly but surely destroys our ability to give and receive love.  

Myth #4: It’s Just A Way To Release Sexual Tension

Did you see that news story about the teen who spontaneously combusted because of pent-up sexual tension? Yeah, me neither. According to this logical, the people who masturbate the most should be the most peaceful and sexually pure people around.  That’s like telling someone with anger management issues that fist fights are a good way to relieve the tension. A momentary sense of relief is not worth the guilt, shame, and loneliness that are tied to the sin.

Myth #5: It’s Just A Phase You’re Going Through 

Like all sins, masturbation doesn’t just go away over time. In fact the opposite is true: the more we do it, the more we become attached to the habit It’s not a problem that magically disappears when you get married.  So many marriages have been ruined by a spouse’s addiction to masturbation. When a husband or wife turns to themselves for sexual gratification, the other spouse will naturally feel like they’re inadequate.  Regardless of your past, your habits, or your lack of will power, there is hope.  God’s not cheering for you rom a distance; He’s living in you to bring power where you are weak. Run to the Sacrament of Reconciliation and you will find both healing and freedom.” 

Bought with a Price

I am profoundly excited to bring you a great anti-pornography resource, a revised edition of a Pastoral Letter from Bishop Paul Loverde from the Diocese of Arlington, Virginia.  This pastoral letter originally came out eight years ago, but has been reissued because of the severe and overwhelming need.  “Bought with a Price” – Every Man’s Duty to Protect Himself and His Family from a Pornographic Culture.  It includes a new foreword from anti-porn leader, Matt Fradd.

The intended re-release of this letter is March 19, 2014 – the Feast of St. Joseph, patron saint of fathers.  I highly encourage everyone to read this letter and put what you read into action.

“Today’s father must protect himself and his children from the relentless assault of an increasingly pornographic culture; moreover, mothers share this sacred task.  Every home now stands in the pathway of this attack on our children’s innocence and purity.  If we are not vigilant, our sons and daughters will pay a steep and heartrending price.” p.6

Fathers – it is critical that we work to protect ourselves and our families from the evils of pornography.  First, ourselves, and then those around us and under our care. 

In a future post, I will write on the topic of “helping parents protect their children from the internet” – a talk that I give about the harms of the internet and how to practically handle the situation.  One of the most important aspects of this topic is to have conversations with our children.  If you think that your child isn’t or won’t be affected by pornography, you are wrong.  If your children have internet accessible devices and you don’t know that they can (and probably do) access pornography, you are naïve.  How then do you handle this?  You talk about it!  And it’s never too early to talk about it… when done properly, prudently, and age-appropriately.  (Note: the average age of first exposure to pornography in America is now 8 years old and dropping rapidly!)

Do you expect your child to understand mathematics on their own, with no instruction?  What about anatomy, biology, history?  Certainly not.  The old adage, “having the sex talk” is a misnomer, implying that parents should only speak to their children one time about sex.  Simply check a box and it’s handled.  This does not work.  We should instruct our children on a properly ordered understanding of sexuality, and instruct them often.  I start imparting knowledge on the topic very early with my children… even before they can truly understand.  It sets the tone, and creates a solid foundation for them to grow upon.  As each child gets older, the topic broadens, the seriousness increases, and the formation I desire heavily to provide to my children is strengthened. 

Take the time and read this pastoral letter from Bishop Loverde, then act on it!

TrueMan up!