TrueManhood More Realistic with the Help of Good Women

I’m striving for TrueManhood.  TrueManhood is what all men are called to, a life of virtue as an imitation of Jesus Christ, the TrueMan.  It is the most fulfilling life a man can live.  I strive, but I am far from perfect.  I fail to live up to TrueManhood, and have a long road towards virtuous living.  This lifestyle is difficult, but it is realistic, and it is achievable.  To my point, TrueManhood is much more realistic with the help of good women.

This is my Mother’s Day post for 2014.  It has been interesting, for me, as I became a father and my children grow older, the shift that has taken place surrounding Mother’s Day.  The focus of Mother’s Day, for husbands of mothers of small children, is no longer on their own mother (although we are still grateful and appreciative – Happy Mother’s Day Mom!) but rather is derived from the family’s appreciation and admiration, thanksgiving for, and efforts of “Mommy.”  This focus, it seems to me, is led heavily by those things specifically from the father’s point of view.  The small children aren’t necessarily capable of intentionally creating, buying, or delivering thoughtful, sentimental, meaningful gifts or performing acts of gratitude, so the responsibility lands on that of the father.

I am notorious for getting the wrong gift, things my wife never asked for, indicated that she wanted, or has any use for.  (Not all of my gifts are horrible, just most of them!)  I lack originality and romance, sentimentality and thoughtfulness.  It is a crippling affliction.  This year, I’m writing this post as an attempt at a textual monument to my wife, the mother of my four beautiful children.  Words cannot begin to explain.  She is a true servant, compassionate, and tender, and incredibly thoughtful.  One of my favorite characteristics of my wife is her intentionality; everything she does has a plan and is thought out and most importantly, purposeful.  In addition to those, she is never self-centered.  She challenges me in so many good ways to raise my level of living, and I am so grateful.

Catherine – you work tirelessly to support me in my endeavors, and are relentless in the rearing of our children.  They are incredible because you make them incredible.  They are lucky little kids, having you as their mother.  I’m the lucky man that gets to call you wife, best friend, and soul mate.  Thank you for all you do for us, we can never live up to your example, but will try our hardest. 

All of these things speak to the beauty of how men and women are complementary, and that complementarity works to build both sides.  For me personally, my wife’s complementarity is the greatest way for me to achieve TrueManhood.  She assists me, as my helpmate, to refine me, challenge me, and inspire me to be the man that I so badly want to be, and the man that she and my children deserve.  Because we are so intimately connected, as one flesh through our matrimony, her life is my life, and I am all the better because of it.

A single day for our mothers is almost a slap in the face, because there are no words, no amounts of gifts or money spent on them, nor thoughtfulness that we can put into anything for our mothers or for the mothers of our children that will even begin to compare to the love, sacrifice, and total self-gift that these women give, day in and day out.  As a small token, for all the mothers out there, please accept this small gesture of thanks.

TrueMan up!

Four Days For Fathers – Day 3

Day 2’s post brings to mind another topic about fathers and sons that should be addressed.  There are a great number of people, both men and women, that believe that men can’t be sentimental, affectionate or caring.  If they are, then they must be effeminate, homosexual or other.  These same people believe that a father shouldn’t have to tell his son that he loves him… that the boy should know merely by what his father does.  Usually, the father (in this sort of situation) ‘shows’ his love by his hard work, by his determination, by what he provides for his family.  What’s lacking, though, is the verbal communication between father and son.  Without this communication, a large gap can take place where the son is longing for affirmation and the father is scared to share his feelings, in fear of not appearing ‘manly enough’ for his child.

Usually, what a son wants most in life (at least at a young age) is to make his father proud of him.  When the son doesn’t receive the communication he desires from his father, it typically results in one of two scenarios.  1. He vows to be a different and better kind of father to his own children… or 2. he perpetuates the problem with his own children.

It’s a bit different between a father and his daughters – a sensitive father of daughters is looked at as if he’s doing it right.  Firm, with high expectations, yet loving, tender and caring.

I know that many of you reading this post have daddy-shaped-holes in your life.  I realize that reading about it and thinking about it may be difficult.  While that may be true, I know that a solid way to get over the problems is to bring them to the light, to discuss them and to try to move past them.  The only way to really get over them is to realize that God the Father is your loving father in Heaven and that He has plans for your welfare.  (Read Jeremiah 29:11.)

Also, I want to address a topic from my first paragraph.  Above, I wrote “There are a great number of people, both men and women, that believe that men can’t be sentimental, affectionate or caring.  If they are, then they must be effeminate, homosexual or other.” A TrueMan is not effeminate or homosexual, but is virtuous.  Virtue is the only way for a man to fully live out ‘manliness’.  Period.

Fathers – talk with your children, grown or young.  Set the example of how to love but also commit to saying the words “I love you” on a regular basis.  I recommend saying it every chance you get.

TrueMan up!