TrueManhood Podcast – Episode 12 Crazy Family Life, Parenting in Mass, and Being Prepared in the Home

Dave describes the recent craziness in the DiNuzzo household, with ridiculous schedules, kid’s sports, and work-related juggling-of-tasks. He also spends some time talking about a grandfather disciplining a grandchild in Mass, and how we as men can be ready for whatever comes our way in the home.

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A TrueMan’s Marriage – Happy 50th Dad & Mom!

I’ve had a front row seat to one of the greatest marriages in the history of time.  Today, my parents celebrate 50 years of marriage!  A tremendous feat!  I’m extremely proud of my parents and want to publicly acknowledge their love, their sacrifice, and their unfailing commitment.  You make me better, you aid my marriage, and I am so grateful for you.

I’ve written (and moreso, spoken) about my Dad on many occasions.  He’s an amazing man, and is/was a leading example for me in my pursuit of TrueManhood.  He has tons of characteristics that I love and admire, and I wouldn’t be half the man I am today if it wasn’t for him.  Here are some of the major highlights:

• My Father loves my Mother unconditionally; everything he does is directly related to my Mother’s well-being, her concerns, her likes, her desires.  His example of how a man cherishes his wife is second to none. #awesomehusband
• My Father serves my Mother unfailingly.  For the entirety of their marriage, my Father has worked his tail off so that my Mother could have safety, security, comfort, and so that she would be able to do what she was created for. #whenamanlovesawoman
• My Father is the consumate gentleman.  As a child, the example of being a gentleman was constant from my Father.  My virtues related to being a gentleman (mostly in the area of Justice) is 100% correlated to my Father’s behavior and high standards. #gentleman
• My Father cherishes all women.  Sincerely, my Father has a heart of service towards the fairer-sex… never failing to serve a female, no matter what the need may be.  He’s always polite, always charitable, always deferent to the women he encounters.  I cannot recall, even once, when I’ve seen my Father choose himself over a woman.  He has always cherished my aunts and female cousins (there were far fewer of them than male cousins), and treated every female stranger with the utmost respect.  #womenarethecrownofcreation
• My Father is a hard worker.  Still today in his 70’s, with both knees repaired and a major back surgery, my Father does his own maintenance on his house, takes care of his vehicles himself, serves in numerous ways at his parish, helps me and my brothers, and serves on a non-profit board.  The spirit of our bluecollar family, passed down from generation to generation, comes to me from him.  #hardworker

I would also be remiss, especially on this most somber of days for America (9/11), if I didn’t mention my Father’s 30-year career serving our country as an enlisted serviceman in the United States Air Force.  30 years!  Talk about dedication.

My Mother – I certainly don’t want to leave my Mother out of the conversation… and in fact, I couldn’t talk about my Father without talking about my Mother as well.  She is a huge part of my Father’s character.  From the moment they met, my Mother has challenged my Father to be who he is.  She brings the best out of him, and holds him to the very highest of standards.  It wouldn’t be a shock to tell you that their complementarity is so perfect that they make each other more holy; the point of marriage!  The perfect way that my Mother fits my Father, and returns his love and service with more love and service, is a testament to her devotion and care for him.  They truly are the perfect spouses for one another.

Jesus had Joseph and Mary – the Holy Family.  I have Tony and Charlene – great examples of love, service, dedication, and faithfulness.  Thanks Dad and Mom – Happy Anniversary!

TrueMan up!

Keep Your Cool, Dad

I recently witnessed a less-than-ideal situation between a father and his children, and thought I’d relay the story here so that everyone could think about it.  They were doing some yardwork.  His kids were helping with the mowing and edging.  At one point, the father became irrate because the equipment stopped working.  He began to scream at the both of them, as if it was their fault that the machine failed.  A few explitives flew, a few derogatory and demeaning things were said, and I’m sure, some confidence (in the kids) was shot.

OK, so why do I bring this story up?  Lots of reasons!  First of all… anytime I hear yelling and cursing near me, I begin to investigate.  Secondly, anytime I know that a child is being yelled at, I turn my attention to the situation.  The lie to “keep your nose out of other people’s business” isn’t something I subscribe to, and neither should you.  The care of women, children, and other men is always a TrueMan’s business.  Passivity must not be tolerated.   Also, I want to work to highlight not only bad behavior in men, but more importantly, the ways in which the rest of us can learn from the mistakes and shortcomings of other men around us.  Let’s not make the same mistakes as others.  It’s about a dad who’s unable to control his temper and who is misguided in how he deals with stress.

I was keeping an eye on the situation in the event that it got out of hand and needed my intervention.  It never came to that, thankfully.  Whether the dad made the switch on his own, or if he saw me and changed his tune because he knew I was nearby, or whether it was something else entirely, I was just glad to see that it stopped.  To my knowledge, he never hit or struck his kids – I most certainly would have stepped in.

Let’s consider how a TrueMan handles this situation as a father.  If you’re going to have your children helping you, with whatever you’re doing, make it about teaching them and forming them to perform their chores/work properly.  If they happen to break something while learning, realize that stuff breaks and – if you’ve done it correctly – they’ll have truly learned something!  Isn’t that the point?!  Explanations of how things work, processes to follow, safety standards… all good things.  Yelling at them and demeaning them is the wrong approach.  Teaching, forming, encouraging… those are the attributes of a man who can be proud of his parenting.

A TrueMan keeps his cool, in every situation.  This requires so many virtues, they are too numerous to mention here.  Namely, the virtues of temperance, prudence, and fortitude come to mind.  If you aren’t familiar with these words, or want more information on virtue, please check out our “TrueManhood’s Quick Guide to Virtue” under the Resources tab.  Dads, your kids want to be with you.  They want your time, your attention, your affection, your love.  They want you.  They want to be wanted by you.  Give them that.  Give them you!

On a personal note, I work to constantly be aware of my yelling and overall tone when dealing with my kiddos.  I’ve come a long way and still can be better.  I don’t always do the right thing, and I don’t always make the right choices, but my head is screwed on straight and I work to be cognizant of how what I say affects my kids.  And not just what I say, but how I say it.  When we say and do things to our children, it definintely affects them and stays with them.  It changes them.  Work to be aware of your words and actions, because your kids are watching and learning; they’ll become who you teach them to become.

TrueMan up!

My Day(s) in Court

Starting Monday, 1.12.15, I’ll find myself (along with 7 others), on trial in Federal Court.  I’m being sued by an adult store owner (owner of, I believe, 18 or so adult stores in the northeast) for several reasons, including trespassing, public and private nuisance, some anti-commerce claims, as well as coercion, to name a few.  All of the claims are ridiculous.  The case has been going on for some time now (almost 3.5 years) and although I am not worried or concerned – for I didn’t do the things that he claims I did – I would ask for your support and prayers during this time.  The case comes down to a matter of the First Amendment, and my (AND YOUR!) right to free speech and to peaceful assembly.

“Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.” – First Amendment to the Constitution of the United States of America (excerpt)

I peacefully and prayerfully stood as witness to the harm and dangers of pornography.  Personally, I stood there for all the men who are trapped in pornography and also for the women whose lives are negatively affected by those men and their actions.  My favorite sign to hold was “Real Men Don’t Exploit Women.”  Translated… “males who are acting with the proper behavior, who do what they should and not what they shouldn’t, and who uphold the utmost respect for women, don’t USE them!”  I hope that it made a lot of folks stop and think about their actions.  I held this sign, too.

Maybe protesting is crazy.  Maybe it’s ineffective.  Maybe because of the insanity taking place in our country lately, protesting will forever be tainted (maybe it already was.)  But let me put another side to it.  There are people who are caught in the trap of pornography who don’t know that there is another option for them.  They don’t know that there are resources, support groups, counselors, programs, and other people who care about them so that they don’t have to be confined to their addiction.  For many, the addiction to pornography destroys their life, ruining marriages, causing firings from jobs, loss of important family finances, and so on.  Porn can also negatively affect the brain, the ability to perform intimately and sexually, it increases selfishness, and does a serious number on the chemicals in the brain causing dependency and withdrawal symptoms.  Anger can also stem from porn use.  (There’s much more on this in my archives.)

So because of all of this, I stood and peacefully assembled, hoping to help just one person.  And, you know what… on MANY occasions, people told me that it opened their eyes, helped them out, or prevented them from making a decision they knew they would regret.

Being involved in this trial is not something I want to do, but I’m involved and I have to see it through.  True manhood requires it of me.  I will remain calm, I will not be evasive on the stand during questioning, and I will, as always, be honest.  Marks of a TrueMan.  Be steadfast with me and do what you can today to defend the First Amendment.

TrueMan up!

 PS: A HUGE thanks goes out to our lawyers for their help and care in this case, they’ve been great.  Alliance Defending Freedom is the bomb!

Modern Martyrdom – It’s For Real

James Foley is, seemingly, a saint; a living witness to the faith.  He very literally gave his life for the sake of the Kingdom.  He was beheaded for being a Christian.  From what I can tell, he lived heroic virtue, especially in the face of persecution, even to the point of death.  The Catechism of the Catholic Church describes martyrdom as “the supreme witness given to the truth of the faith: it means bearing witness even unto death. The martyr bears witness to Christ who died and rose, to whom he is united by charity. He bears witness to the truth of the faith and of Christian doctrine. He endures death through an act of fortitude.”  (CCC 2473.)

James Foley was a journalist working to make the plight of the Syrian people known to the world.  They have been oppressed and tortured, and most recently, as I hope we are all aware, have been brutally murdered, often by beheading, by Islamic terrorists.  His work put him in terrible situations, and he knew his life was in danger.  He was proud of the work he was doing, and knew well the reality of the holy war taking place in the Middle East.

Jim was a Catholic, and believed firmly in prayer.  During his time in the Middle East, he was held captive, and ultimately, was beheaded by the terrorist cell The Islamic State (IS).  Their cowardly act of absolute destruction of human life was horrific, while Jim’s witness was absolutely beautiful.  He was a TrueMan!  In the face of danger, he was courageous.  In the face of persecution, he was faithful.  In the face of evil, he was true goodness.  He lived charity, and gave his life as a witness.

In a recounting of his first captivity in Libya in 2011, Jim wrote about how prayer, the Rosary specifically, got him through.  He wrote: “If nothing else, prayer was the glue that enabled my freedom, an inner freedom first and later the miracle of being released during a war in which the regime had no real incentive to free us. It didn’t make sense, but faith did.”

Here’s a video showing his parents – talking a little about Jim and his faith.

So the question for us now is, “Do you realize that martyrdom is a real possibility in our world?”  I often hear people talking about “those other people” who were martyrd, as if it couldn’t (and won’t) happen to us.  I suggest that each man reading this post consider what he will do in the face of oppression, so that when that day comes, he will know and will be prepared.  Brothers, we cannot wait to prepare, because the forces of evil are strong, and they are coming for us.  Whether it be terror cells like the IS, or some other form of hatred towads Catholics, we will experience persecution, and it may even lead to our death.  If you’re living virtuously now, it will make all the difference then.  Virtue = authentic masculinity.  Virtue = TrueManhood.

TrueMan up!

Various Kinds of Dads

I was just washing the dishes (yes, I do dishes) and was thinking about my parenting style, what kind of Dad I am, and it brought to mind a bunch of different kinds of fathering-traits.

Some thoughts on the kinds of dads that I’ve either exemplified, or other kinds of dads I’ve come across.

• SPORTS-CRAZY DAD – The dad that just can’t be easy going at the games, and when
  games aren’t going on, they’re living vicariously through their kid as if it was the pros.
• The “I DON’T KNOW HOW TO TALK TO MY KIDS SO I DON’T TALK TO THEM AT ALL DAD” – Dads who are either not educated enough on various topics, or who lack communication skills, or who just won’t take the time to learn about their kids so they fail to talk to them at all, about anything.
• The “I DON’T UNDERSTAND GIRL-STUFF SO MY DAUGHTERS AND I ARE COMPLETELY DISCONNECTED DAD” –  Similar to the above, but specific to daughters and “female issues” – of all kinds.  And there’s lots.
• SCREAMER-DAD – Everything gets this dad going, in a bad direction, and he just screams about it.  Less than effective, if you ask me.  Think: “Don’t make me stop this vehicle!”  or “Do it, or else.”
• INTIMIDATION-DAD (“IntimiDad”) – IntimiDad uses his size, stature, and position of authority to try to force his children to do things.  I typically see this with toddlers.  It doesn’t work.  Again, think: “Do it, or else.”
• OVER-COMMITTED DAD (works too much or is involved in too much) – I’ve written many times before about what kids really want and need from us.  They want us, our time, and that’s how they see and experience our love.  “Kids spell love T-I-M-E.
• TEACHER-DAD – This dad is patient and discusses various things with his children so that they learn from him.  Even when he doesn’t think his kids are listening, he teaches, simply to plant a seed and begin the discussion.  I think I’m this kind of dad most of the time.
• SWEET-DAD – This dad is emotionally sensitive, and takes the opportunity, especially with his daughters, to be sweet.  This isn’t overly sentimental, this is the right amount of sentimentality because let’s face it, sometimes our kids just need it.  Our daughters need sensitivity, and at the right time in the right amount, so do our sons.
• GIFT-GIVING DAD – Don’t buy your kids love, ok sir?  Don’t make it “okay” that you’re not in their lives simply because you buy them stuff.  Now, if your gifts are thoughtful, and you bought it for them because you know them and know they’d really like the thing, and really appreciate it, and that they’ll know you know them, then good on ya.
• APATHETIC-DAD – I see this all too often, unfortunately.  This attitude can extend directly to the children because he just doesn’t care about them (either because he’s too ego-centric, self-centered, or just that insensitive) or because he’s flat out lazy.  “Mom’s got it.”  “Mom’ll talk to ‘em.”  “Honey, you’ve got this one, right?”  Stop it.
• PROUD-OF-MY-KID-NO-MATTER-WHAT-DAD – Thank you for not putting up pretentious walls, facades, or displays surrounding your kid.  They’re your kid and you love them and are proud of them no matter what their accomplishments, likeability, or style.

I’m certain that I could write and write and write on this topic.  There are so many kinds of fathers out there, and so many traits (good and bad) that could be discussed.  Many of them we have discussed in the past and will continue to discuss in the future.

Remember an important concept to TrueManhood… our children learn what is right and wrong by watching us.  If we want our boys to grow into TrueManhood, and our daughters to meet and marry a TrueMan, then we must show them what that is.  “Jesus answered and said to them, “Amen, amen, I say to you, a son cannot do anything on his own, but only what he sees his father doing; for what he does, his son will do also.  For the Father loves his Son and shows him everything that he himself does, and he will show him greater works than these, so that you may be amazed.” John 5:19-20.  A major component here is how we treat our wife.  Being a great-TrueMan-dad, means being a great husband first.

Thanks to my dad, Tony, for being an absolutely awesome dad!  I have many fond memories of my childhood, and am so blessed to have him help me to raise my kids now, but there’s a concept that I always return to when I think about my relationship with my dad, and it’s this: he always SHOWED me how to be a man.  He lived it.  He didn’t have to say a lot, he lived it.  I saw, first and foremost, that he loved/s my mother.  That is who he is, as a man; he’s a husband, and all else stems from that.

TrueMan up!

My Jesus Year

Jesus lived for 33 years.  During His time on earth, Jesus saved the world.  Pretty huge shoes to fill – impossible shoes to fill, actually.  I’ve just celebrated my 33^rd birthday.  During this, my “Jesus-year”… hopefully NOT my last year on earth… I will remain focused on true manhood.

During my life, I’ve been incredibly blessed.  I’m married to a great woman, the mother of my four incredible children.  I have, and have had many, a great job.  I’ve been to 49 of the 50 states in our spectacular country.  I’ve successfully completed 18 years of schooling.  I played college sports.  I’ve bought and sold homes and vehicles.  I’ve met countless numbers of awesome people, and have some of the world’s best friends.  I’ve spoken to thousands and thousands of people, been on numerous radio programs, and helped write a book.  Although these and so many others neat things have happened to me, none of it matters if I don’t attempt to fulfill God’s call for my life, the call to live true manhood.  It’s not about these worldly accomplishments; it’s about who I am and how I’ve lived.

Jesus was THE TrueMan.  Simply put, all that Christ did can be reduced to one simple concept… love.  That is the prevailing mark of a TrueMan… that he loves (verb).  In the most authentically masculine way, Christ loved.  That’s because He was, is, and always will be love.  This isn’t some lame modern-day version of teddy bears, glittery hearts, and boxes of chocolates.  This is the real version of love, to do the greatest good.  To give your life for your friends.  This is TrueManhood.

During this year, I pray that I’ll be able to grow as a husband first (my vocation), as a father, as a leader, and as an evangelist.  I also hope to accomplish some long-standing goals for this ministry.  To follow in Christ’s footsteps and make this year the best it can be.  My impact won’t save the world, but I hope that it, in even a small way, is able to positively influence the lives of men.  One of my goals is to expand TrueManhood’s retreat ministry.  I also have the goal of expanding our scope and reach, gaining back ground that was lost between 2011-2013.  The problems we discuss here are numerous, and there aren’t enough positive voices out there in this fight.  We’ll keep doing what we do, hopefully with “bigger and badder” videos, more impactful content, more frequent posts, more guest contributors, and a wide-array of resources to help men along their journey towards TrueManhood.

Regardless of how old we are, brothers, we are called to TrueManhood.  This call is something special, and the world depends on us to live up to the call.  As I go into my Jesus year, I’m praying for many things, but specifically, my prayer would be this: “Jesus, my Lord.  I love you.  Thank you for your example to me for what it means to be a man.  I ask for guidance, strength, discipline, and courage to pursue TrueManhood with my whole soul.  May my efforts be yours, may my will be yours, may my heart be yours.  Amen.”

TrueMan up!

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