Encouraging Men to Get Involved
Here’s my latest article on iibloom.com, posted yesterday.
For some people, it’s a struggle to figure out why men aren’t involved at church and church-related events. When we take a look at a typical parish in the United States, we see a Church that is struggling to entice, encourage and strengthen men as leaders. Why is this? Is it the content, is it the timing, is it the other people in attendance? Is it something internal? Do they feel emasculated by it? Is it a lack of catechesis? Is there a power struggle? Or maybe even something else?
(Please note, this article is a generalization; please keep this in mind. Many men are fully engaged in the life of the Church and many parishes have a thriving men’s population. The point of this article is to find ways to help encourage men who aren’t involved to become involved.)
Men won’t get involved in “stuff” if they don’t see a value in it. Also, they aren’t likely to attend a new event, group or club unless they
know someone else who is attending, and know them well. Another reason men won’t get involved is if they see the stuff as weak, lame or feminine. Unfortunately, many men see Mass, Church events, groups and retreats through this lens. On my website, I have mentioned that the Church is “by women, for women,” and this is a big reason why men aren’t involved. I say this because the vast majority of parishes in the US have a very lopsided attendance and volunteer demographic. The reason for this is because men fail to step up and into leadership and volunteer roles.
Men shouldn’t be forced into praying like women pray, it doesn’t work for us. Men need to pray the way men were created to pray. Men shouldn’t be forced into activities that are similar to women’s activities, it does’t work for us. Men should participate in activities that they were created for. There’s a difference, and that difference is important.
The difference is, as the late Pope John Paul II often talked about, is that men and women were created equal in dignity, but different in role. In order for men to fulfill their role, their lives must be oriented correctly towards what they were created for. A great place to see what it is that men were created for is to read through the creation narrative in The Book of Genesis.
So how do you encourage men to participate? It’s tough to know, exactly. I think that a great way is to get to the heart of a man…that which God put deep inside each man. It’s different from anything else in the world, and hard to explain. See, men want to be rugged and tough. They want to shoot stuff, and fix stuff, and build stuff. They want to protect and defend, they want to love and be loved. They want to feel a purpose and be accomplished. Unfortunately, so many men don’t know how to do any of that stuff.
If we want men to participate, we have to encourage them, build them up and GIVE THEM A PERSONAL INVITATION. Personal invitations, from men they trust and respect, might just be the thing to get a man involved in the Life of the Church. The personal invitation should be in person, not over phone, texting or email. And once the invitation is extended, the event better not stink! Or be lame! And, it better not be associated with ‘sissiness’! If it does, he’ll never come back.
I encourage all the faithful, if they know a man who needs to be involved, to be like St Monica. St Monica, the mother of St Augustine, prayed unceasingly for her son. Augustine was a wandering-soul. He lived a life of incredible sin and his mother still prayed. He became one of the greatest saints and writers of the Church. That man who you know might just be the next St Augustine.
Click HERE for the article on iibloom’s site.
Tools and Resources
TrueManhood Men’s Ministry offers various tools and resources for men. If you don’t see something on this site, but are curious if we have anything for you, please ask. Find us on social media, or email us at Info@TrueManhood.com.
Regarding pornography addiction: There are numerous resources available for men (and women) who have addictions to pornography. The essential element in dealing with an addiction is that the FIRST STEP towards recovery takes place. The next important step is the continual work. The journey is long and hard but the freedom that comes from breaking the chains of an addiction to pornography is almost overwhelming. I highly recommend checking out TrueManhood’s Guide called “5 Step Plan” and then determine what sort of resource(s) you need to make your plan effective. Here are just a few ideas, and a few resources.
- Serious prayer and a life full of the Sacraments!
- Your PLAN is essential, figure out what it needs to be, then put it into action.
- Accountability with your accountability partner. This person needs to be a man and should not be your female friend, sister, girlfriend, fiancée, or wife.
- Spiritual Direction with a priest. I recommend seeing a priest regularly so that you can obtain necessary graces from the Sacrament of Reconciliation.
- Sexaholics Anonymous – check your local area for locations and times.
- Counseling/Coaching (Email us at ContactUs@TrueManhood.com for more information.) Group Counseling may be a good option as well.
- Support Groups/Men’s Groups
- Books, Prayer Guides, DVDs, CDs, Podcasts, Websites, etc.
- Internet filters, software and firewalls.
I also highly recommend installing Covenant Eyes on all of your devices (including each and every device you have access to). For a reasonable monthly fee, Covenant Eyes offers accountability and filtering. Click HERE to receive a free month of Covenant Eyes.
TrueMan up!
Man-ifesto, Needs Context
A message about the Docker’s “Man-ifesto” came through my inbox today and I wanted to draw some attention to it. The point of what Dockers is trying to do comes across, however, I think it needs some explanation in order to make it better. This explanation sets the context of what manhood is, why it is vital and how a man can live TrueManhood.
I really like the parts about gentlemanly behavior. I tend to believe that chivalry is dying, but I know that it can be resurrected from the dead if men would take a few extra seconds here and there to help women out (it needs to then become a mindset) AND if women allow a man to be a gentleman. The loss of masculinity in our culture is overwhelming, which is a big reason why I operate this website. Males tend to give into societal pressures (vanity and pride are big here) and because of the idea of “cultural manliness” (if you don’t know what this is, you need to read more of my writings here! Use the search box to find CULTURAL MANLINESS!) are often rewarded for doing so. If you haven’t heard Brad Paisley’s song, “I’m Still a Guy”, he mentions lots of stuff about the decline of masculinity: “These days, there’s dudes gettin’ facials, manicured, waxed and botoxed. With deep spray on tans, and creamy-lotiony hands, you can’t grip a tackle box. With all of these dudes linin’ up get nudered it’s hip now to be feminized…” It’s funny, haha, but true. A way for us to gauge our own behavior and motivations is to look at the most manly men we know. This doesn’t mean Chuck Norris and Charleston Heston, this means TrueMen, like St. Joseph, St. Thomas More and Jesus Himself! These men exemplify manliness, they are our guides.
The Dockers Man-ifesto takes jabs at stuff like salad bars, misbehaved children and complacency, but it never answers the question ‘why’.
The term “wear the pants” is typically misconstrued and misused; typically the term means something similar to dominate, or rule over. This is NOT the role of a man. A TrueMan leads, yes, but not with an iron fist. A TrueMan makes decisions, but not by force. A TrueMan loves and honors and respects. (In the coming days, as soon as I have my voice back, I’m producing a video talking more about this topic.)
And let’s be clear, the “call to manhood” is to live virtue! In Latin, virtus means manliness!
I urge men and women to read through Docker’s Man-ifesto and determine what areas should be worded differently if it was the TrueMan-ifesto. Maybe I’ll do that too, and post my thoughts on it. Your comments are appreciated.
Man up!
“Maybe NOT ‘Just Do It’ Like Nike Says”
If you’re not familiar with the “world’s greatest athlete” Tiger Woods, you have probably been living under a rock for the past 10 years or so. Actually, you were probably dead under that rock. Tiger, besides being an incredible, dominating force on the golf course, is highly endorsed by corporate sponsors. Living the good life, you could say. (Living the “cultural manliness” life, I would say.)
Recently, Tiger has been in the news everyday, and not just the sports news. He’s been on every show that has anyone talking on it… TV, online, radio. Literally, ever single show. And don’t forget the newspapers, magazines and tabloids. He’s been in the news because of some very poor decisions he’s made. Those decisions finally caught up with him and now the “$#!) is hitting the fan”, as they say. Tiger was “caught” by his wife in an affair, details of which are still speculation and may never become known fact in full. What is known is some of Tiger’s interaction with a NY cocktail waitress… listen in to Tiger’s voicemail as he attempts to grovel his way out of his mistakes. Here’s a video about this whole mess, please excuse the celebrity gossip feel and images…
Yesterday at the gym, I watched SportsCenter on ESPN and quite honestly, I was very disappointed in the coverage and even more so on the comments from Tiger’s golf colleagues – except Jesper Parnevik. Parnevik and his wife set up Tiger and Tiger’s wife, Elin, and now, Parnevik is regretting his match-making. He said some pretty impressive statements that don’t typically come out in the news. I like what he had to say. Check him out in this video clip.
One of the things that every show seems to harp on is whether or not this is any of our business, and they’ve continually reported that Tiger has requested privacy for himself and his family. Let’s make it clear, you can’t separate the “good life”, the lime-light, the sponsorships and endorsements and then also expect the world to look the other way when you “make transgressions against your family” (quoting Tiger himself). The whole world knows your business and that’s the way you liked it. Just because you messed up, it doesn’t mean they’re going to stop following you. Tiger, you asked for it, and no, the world isn’t going to give you privacy. When you have the influence you have on the world, you can’t take that responsibility lightly, as it appears you have. Simply because you ask for privacy, doesn’t mean that you deserve it. One golfer, Rocco Mediate (who one time had a 19-hole playoff with Tiger) said that “he simply made a mistake like the rest of the world, we all need to get over it.” Mr. Mediate – the rest of the world doesn’t cheat on their spouses, only cheaters do.
Men and boys all over the world emulate you, Tiger. They buy your products, dress like you, play your video games, hit your Nike golf balls. They drive your Buick, they drink your “G”, they are in love with you. You blew it and you blew it big time. You were the world’s greatest athlete, a husband and father and now, you’re just another cheating deadbeat. I’m with Jesper, I’ve lost all respect for you. I know the world will probably forget about this in time and you’ll go back to being the world’s favorite (sort of like A-Rod, Kobe and others who have cheated and gone on to be world champions in their sports, with continuing success and more corporate sponsorships.) I won’t forget Tiger, and a lot of other people won’t either. You blew it. You are not a TrueMan.
Man up!
Follow Up Guest Post from Catherine DiNuzzo – “You’re Worth It!”
This post is a follow-up guest post from Catherine DiNuzzo, wife of Dave DiNuzzo. Catherine will continue to guest post on this site. Please leave comments!
Women, you are worth a TrueMan! Believe it!
Women, I want you to listen to me and to listen well. If you come to this site and take anything from it, I want you to remember that
you are special, and a precious gift from the Father! You are worth a TrueMan and you need to expect a TrueMan. I am guessing right now that you may be rolling your eyes and saying to yourself, “if she only knew what I have done or what has happend to me, she would know this is not true for me.” I know you are saying this because every time I talk to my girlfriends or speak to women at speaking engagements about this, I see women look down and shy away from me; their body language screaming these words.
God created you in His image and as the perfect mate for your “Adam”. If God created you, and everything that God creates is good, then you must be worthy of goodness… a TrueMan. When I think about my friends who refuse to believe this “cardinal rule”, most of the time it is because some less-than-virtuous man has taken advantage of them. Sometimes this is done through psychological manipulation and other times by force. To me, it doesn’t matter what has happened in your past. What is important is where you go from here. If women are going to expect men to change then we must also change. The first step in this change is loving yourself enough to except only virtuous men in your life.
How do you do it, you ask? First of all, you need to look inside yourself and break down any walls that are keeping you from seeing the true value you possess. These walls may have been past relationships gone bad, decisions that you made that hurt yourself or others, or anything that holds you back from seeing the marvelous treasure that God created you to be.
I too had to go through this step, and it was not easy. When I was in high school and college, I was in a very abusive relationship, both physically and mentally. It ended badly and with the depression that set in from being a victim of domestic violence, I turned to drinking in excess. With my life spinning downward, I had no confidence that I could ever love myself again. I was certain that I would never find a virtuous “TrueMan” who would want to love me. So, I stopped looking. After many years of this way of thinking, I was at a 3-day party, with lots of drinking and men. As I drove home, I hit my bottom. I had no self esteem, no joy in my life. I could easily say I was empty in every sense of the word. So in tears, I looked up to Heaven and said “GOD, I give up! I can’t don’t do this anymore.” I truly believe that I felt the Holy Spirit come down and shower me with grace and love. I could hear God saying, “I love you, let me take care of you, trust in my love, I am here.” And that is what I did! From that point on, pain from my past slowly started to go away. For the first time in seven years, I was able to see myself as a blessed gift that God had created. That very day, I went on a group date with Dave, my future husband!
Women, love yourself! Force yourself to see the treasure that God has created you to be. If there are walls that are blocking you from seeing this, take it to prayer and ask God to help you break down the walls. Know that in this battle, you are not alone. God is there wait for you to put your hand out and ask for help.
Fr Benedict Groeschel, a TrueMan
To call Fr Benedict a TrueMan is an understatement. What a witness, a leader, a servant! A great example to everyone. I came across this Grassroots Films video – even thought it’s a few weeks dated, I wanted to post it.
For those who don’t know, Fr Benedict Groeschel is one of the most well-known Catholic priests of our times. He started the C.F.R.s, the Franciscan Friars of the Renewal and many other organizations and projects. (For a good article on Fr Benedict, click here.)
What is a Woman’s Role in Helping to Create a Culture of TrueManhood?
— GUEST POST from CATHERINE DiNUZZO, MA LPC (Wife of Dave DiNuzzo) —
When Dave asked me to write a guest post on his site, I was very excited because I believe that to truly change the current situation of manliness in society and to be able to change it to a (virtuous) culture of TrueManhood, men are only a portion of the solution. Another important part in this change are women!
When I first met Dave he was not the man that he is today. Now, I am not going to say that it was because of me alone that he has decided to “change his ways”, but I will say that it was a series of challenges that I posed to him, that began his transformation into the man he is today.
Dave has always been a man who was not afraid to fight for justice and for what he believes in. However, when I met him, he was focused on doing it “Dave’s way”. I remember one time when we were dating when we got into a fight about something trivial, and he told me, “there’s Dave’s way and the wrong way”. This was the way he dealt with stuff – his way… and passionately! Now, what I have always loved about Dave is his passion and self-confidence, but this was an example of a time in his life when he was less-than-virtuous. What I feel Dave was lacking in his life when I first met him was – what I feel most men are missing – a woman to challenge and expect virtuous behavior. Looking back on it now, I don’t think Dave ever knew what to strive for because the women in his life never challenged him to obtain TrueManhood.
The question I pose is “how are we to expect men to behave a certain way, if we (women in general) lower our standards and accept mediocrity?” We simply cannot.
My goal as a guest blogger for Truemanhood.com is to help give women the tools to believe in their own value enough to expect the best out of the men in their lives. I agree whole-heartily with Dave, that if we are going to change the world, we must create a world of truly virtuous men; aka: TrueMen! Also, if we are expecting men to make this change then is it going to take the women of the world to step up and embody their roll in the change.
I hope you continue to check the site as I will be posting regularly. Please pass this along to your female friends… this is a journey that is meant for all of us.
Woman up!
~Catherine
