Why Fight Porn?

So what’s the big deal with porn, anyway?  Why do we put so much emphasis on how evil and dangerous porn is?  Why fight porn?

Ask any Catholic priest and he’ll tell you that the majority (majority NOT used lightly here) of male confessions heard in the confessional are oriented towards impurity, lust, sexual misbehavior/acting out and pornography abuse.  This is also not to say that many of the female confessions heard in the confessional don’t also cover these topics.  Many priests I have asked about this topic have told me that upward of 85-90% of the confessions they hear from men are linked to pornography abuse.  This is astonishing and could be, if viewed incorrectly, disheartening.  The devil is attempting to kill our souls, our culture and our Church from the inside out through the use of pornography.  Many believe that it is not a public problem, that if “I” use porn in the quiet of my own home, that it doesn’t effect anyone else.  This is FALSE.

Tomorrow, I will dive into the reality of the effects of pornography, as well as the link pornography has to Life issues and social justice issues (such as divorce, rape, incest, abuse of women, domestic violence, etc.) and will attempt to create for you a strong correlation between these links.  The link between pornography (sexual hedonism and sexual utilitarianism) and many other serious issues is strong!

Before we go, I urge all men to educate themselves on the truth!  Don’t take my word for things, don’t take any one single person’s word for anything.  Do your research and go into it unbiased and open to the truth, for the truth shall set you free!  (This comes from a guy who doubted a ton, thought he could make his own truth and eventually got hit upside the proverbial head with the proverbial 2×4.  Take it from me… do your research!)

TrueMan up!

A Review: Cultural Manliness

I haven’t written about cultural manliness in a while, so I thought I’d review it.  Cultural manliness, for those unfamiliar with the term (which I coined a few years ago) is the idea that “the more power, money, sex and stuff a male has, the more manly he is.”  This idea is propagated in our culture virtually non-stop, whether on the television, on the internet, in movies, throughout magazines and newspapers, on billboards, in songs, in advertising and just about anywhere those areas don’t cover.  The idea is propagated for a few reasons: 1. men buy into this lie.  2. women buy into this lie.  3. children buy into this lie.  4. people make money off of this lie.  5. the devil wins souls through this lie.

Cultural manliness – being in pursuit of the things of this world – will kill a man.  Power, money, sex and stuff doesn’t win our salvation, but it certainly can keep us from it.  Cultural manliness easily gets in the way of a relationship with Christ.  Why does this matter?  Because Christ is the true example of manliness!  He is THE TrueMan.  He is the reason this site exists.  He is the reason why the site is called what it is called.  “Blessed be Jesus Christ, True God and TrueMan.”  Anything other than pursuing Christ is futile and unmanly.

The world wants to tell a man that he will be ‘happy’ if he has more power, more sex, more money and more stuff.  This things, in and of themselves are not bad, but they don’t bring happiness.  They may bring emotional counterfeits that men believe to be happiness, but they aren’t happiness.

What then makes a man, if it’s not power, money, sex and stuff?  Virtue!  Prudence, Justice, Fortitude and Temperance – Faith, Hope and Love.  Learn them, live them, be a TrueMan!  (Read the “TrueManhood Guide to Virtue” here.)

If you’d like to read more on the topic, do a search (in the white box on the upper right portion of each page of this site) for “cultural manliness”.  You’ll have plenty of reading material.  Or, go to the blog page and click the “cultural manliness” tab.  I’d like to know your thoughts on this topic – leave a comment.

TrueMan up!

St. Joseph – The Days After Christmas

If you’ve spent any time on the website, you surely know that I am a huge fan of St. Joseph.  He is, besides Christ Himself, the best model of authentic masculinity for a man to emulate.  Wanna be a TrueMan?… be like St. Joseph.  After all, he raised Jesus!  Quite obviously, St. Joseph knew what he was doing.  Have you ever thought about his role in the days following Christ’s birth?

Picture this… Mary gives birth to Jesus.  Joseph then sees shepherds, visitors and Magi from the east come to adorn his foster son.  Then, angels appear and sing praises about this baby boy.  What would be going through your mind, if in the hospital labor and delivery room, people come and sing songs praising your child?  We can’t really fathom what was taking place before Joseph’s eyes, nor what was going on in his head.  Then, imagine that an angel comes to him, again, and tells him that someone (King Herod) wants to kill his newborn son.  If you’re anything like me, your first inclination in this situation would have been to grab the firearms and ammo and go on the offensive.  Not Joseph.  He heeded the warning from the angel, then he WALKED HIS FAMILY TO EGYPT!  That would have been approx 300 miles, or more!  They walked!  A woman who had just given birth, a new born and this holy, faithful, virtuous man called Joseph.  He did this to protect his family and the salvation of all of us.

Now imagine being in Egypt.  Joseph has no idea how long they’d be there.  He left his carpenter shop, tools, projects, friends and home behind, back in Judea.  What did he do for work in Egypt?  How did they worship?  Where did they live?  How did he continually protect his family in this foreign land?  What and where did they eat?  Did you ever think of these things?  Have you ever thought about how St. Joseph did all this?  Have you ever thought how you would react in a situation like this?  What you would do if your family was in danger?  In need of shelter, food, protection?

St. Joseph did all of this, and quite handily.  There are good reasons why St. Joseph is the patron saint of so many manly things, like workers, carpenters, fathers and holy death.  His virtue was incredible.  Learn about him, follow him to his son.

TrueMan up!

Comment Response

Not too long ago, I received a comment on a post called “Porn Proves Deadly” about a driver of a big rig who, while driving was streaming porn on his laptop, hit and killed a woman whose vehicle was disabled in the median.  The comment was poorly written, unsubstantiated and downright unnecessary.  I receive occasional comments like this and respond as I can.  Typically, when I respond, I don’t hear back.  Such was the case of this comment and its author.  Here is his comment in red italics:

“While I’m not saying I’m pro-porn, I have to say that logically, you’re using a false correlation here.  Some of the things you post I agree with, some I don’t, but saying that the reason he crashed was because of porn is just misleading.  The reason he crashed is because he was being stupid and not paying attention to the road.  It could have been porn, or a regular movie, or he could have been playing solitaire.  It wasn’t the porn, it was his actions and negligence while he was driving.

Frankly, I don’t appreciate your attempts to whip up a fervor.  Countless accidents happen because people text while driving, but I don’t see you talking about that here.  As far as I can tell, you’re just trying to get people on your side with stories that have an untrue “if-then” correlation.  That’s lying, and that, sir, is just plain unmanly.”

I then responded with the following, below in gray:

Thank you for your comment and continued visits to my site.  I’m glad that you agree with me most of the time.  For those times when you don’t agree with me, as in this case, that is certainly your choice.

I have read over your comment, and after review of my post, I believe you are incorrect in your critique of my writing.  Therefore, I am not approving your comment, which is my prerogative, here’s why:

I am not lying, pornography kills.  I even wrote in there “sometimes figuratively, sometimes literally”.  You are correct; it could have been any number of other distractions.  It wasn’t.  It was porn.  This man was looking at porn and killed a woman.  Besides, texting, or watching another movie, does not involve the chemicals in the brain the way that pornography (or any sexual activity or stimulus) does.  The brain emits oxytocin during orgasm and oxytocin is a bonding agent.  It is the same bonding agent between a mother and child at birth and during breastfeeding.  This was not the man’s first time viewing porn, so the bonds that were created in his mind from previous exposure were firing at incredible speeds and it most likely caused such a stir that he lost all recollection that he was driving.

You are correct in saying that you don’t see me posting about the dangers of texting and driving.  You simply didn’t see it.  I posted on August 27, 2009 about it.  The post came over from my old site, so the majority of the post is missing.  Here’s the link… https://www.truemanhood.com/the-dangers-of-texting-and-driving.  I suggest taking the link from the post and watching it on YouTube.

When you send a critique like this, do you homework first.  Don’t call me a liar.  Don’t criticize me when you don’t know what you’re talking about.  My site is not intended to make everyone agree with me, it is intended to do 3 things.  1. Fight pornography and the dangers of pornography addiction.  2. Fight cultural manliness, the idea that the world tells a male.  3. Teach men about virtue and how to live virtue.

Why am I sharing all of this with you?  For a few reasons:

1. Because I believe that those of us that understand the Truth, must share the Truth!  So often the world asks us to sugarcoat everything and water it down.  I refuse.  People are longing for the truth and desire badly to grasp it.  (You simply can’t grasp a watered-down, sugarcoated false-truth… it’s all wet and slippery.)
2. To remind the TrueManhood.com Blog readership of the 3 intentions of this site.
3. To remind the men who read this site that we are striving for virtue.
4. To ward off the nay-sayers.
5. To challenge the “status quo” out there that is indifferent to pornography and the dangers associated with it.  Apathy doesn’t change problems, it makes them worse.
6. To show that being charitable doesn’t mean being an old, soggy dishrag that someone can wipe the ground with.  Being charitable may offend or upset someone.  Jesus offended many in His day.

I really do appreciate comments.  And when someone has a legitimate question, concern or suggestion, I typically heed them.  So, if you’ve got a comment, please pass it along.  If it’s negative, poorly written, distasteful or something similar, I won’t be posting it.

TrueMan up!

St. Joseph was, The Man

I’ve written a decent amount about St. Joseph over the past 2+ years.  He was awesome.  He was an incredible example of  faith, trust, husbandry, fatherhood and obedience to God.  Watch for more on St. Joseph later in the week.

Pope Benedict, just a few days ago, had this to say about St. Joseph:

ST. JOSEPH, LEGAL FATHER OF JESUS AND “NEW MAN”

VATICAN CITY, 19 DEC 2010 – At midday, fourth Sunday of Advent, the Pope appeared at the window of his study to pray the Angelus with faithful gathered in St. Peter’s Square. Today’s reading from the Gospel of St. Matthew, he said, “recounts the birth of Jesus from the point of view of St. Joseph. He was engaged to Mary who, ‘before they lived together, … was found to be with child from the Holy Spirit'”.

In the text “St. Joseph is presented as a ‘righteous man’, faithful to God’s laws and ready to do His will. For this reason he is admitted into the mystery of the Incarnation after an angel of the Lord, appearing to him in a dream, tells him: ‘Joseph, son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary as your wife, for the child conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit. She will bear a son and you are to name him Jesus, for he will save his people from their sins’. Thus Joseph abandons his plan to repudiate Mary secretly, and takes her to him because now his eyes see in her the work of God”.

Despite having suffered some anguish, “Joseph acted ‘as the angel of the Lord commanded him’, certain he was doing the right thing. By giving the name of ‘Jesus’ to that Child Who upholds the entire universe, he entered the ranks of the humble and faithful servants, similar to the angels and the prophets, similar to the martyrs and the Apostles. … St. Joseph announced the prodigies of the Lord, bearing witness to Mary’s virginity and to God’s gratuitous action, and protecting the earthly life of the Messiah. Thus we venerate Jesus’ legal father because in him we see the emergence of the new man, who looks with trust and courage to the future, who does not follow his own plans but entrusts himself entirely to the infinite mercy of the One Who fulfils the prophecies, the One Who opens the time of salvation”.

The Pope concluded his remarks by entrusting “all pastors” to St. Joseph, universal patron of the Church, “encouraging them”, he said, “quietly to present Christ’s words and actions each day to the faithful and to the whole world. … Let us trustingly invoke the Virgin Mary, full of grace ‘adorned by God’, that, during the Christmas which will soon be upon us, our eyes may open and see Jesus, and our hearts may joy at this incredible encounter of love”.

TrueMan up!

Most. Disgusting. Thing. Ever.

Have you heard of the couple in Minneapolis that is putting the life of their child up to the results of a “Life or Abortion” poll?  I hate even giving them any publicity because of how heinous and disgusting their actions are.

The couple, who won’t be named, have decided to create a poll on their website, also not named, to let the public determine whether or not they should keep their child or abort their child.  The couple is pregnant, and almost 20 weeks along.  If you visit their site, you’ll see all sorts of stuff, and namely, you’ll see relatively new ultrasound pictures.  They speak of their child as if it is a human child, not merely a blob or a muscle mass, or tissue, or any of the other “choice” words used to diminish the truths of nature.  The couple claims that this isn’t a publicity stunt (clearly it is) and that they aren’t swayed one way or the other just yet.  I’m disgusted by this father’s utter lack of manliness in this situation. Absolutely disgusted.

First off, a TrueFather does everything in his power to protect his children.  He does not put them up for auction, for spectacle, for amusement.  He does not harm them.  He does not take them for granted.  He does not murder them.

Secondly, a TrueHusband does everything in his power to protect his wife.  He does not exploit her. He does not make a spectacle of her.  He does not harm her.  He does not make choices that will cause long-lasting negative emotional, physical and psychological effects.

This male is not a TrueMan.  He’s not being a good father.  He’s not being a good husband.  In fact, he’s completely disregarding everything that is manly (virtue!) and choosing vice.  I am incredibly saddened for this couple, for their child, for everyone who has been exposed to this sort of crap and to anyone who actually considers this legitimate.  Let us unite together in prayer for the conversion of this couple and for the end to abortion and all attacks against human life.

NOTE: It has been speculated that this is, in fact, a publicity stunt in favor of the pro-life movement.  Regardless of the actual intention of the couple, this is incredibly stupid and should not be considered pro-life.

TrueMan up!

Changing a Man

Is it possible to change a person?  Specifically, is it possible to change a man?  I hear this topic brought up a lot, especially in the case of bad relationships.  The question is frequently asked in regards to a man who isn’t doing what he’s supposed to be doing.  The question is frequently coming after hindsight kicks in and someone recognizes that they picked a less-than-perfect-man to date, marry or befriend.

So, what do you think?  Is it possible to change a person?  Is it possible for a person with little-to-no-potential to change?  I firmly believe so!  Why do I believe so firmly in this?  Because I changed!  I change everyday, I strive to get better, I strive to change my ways – further away from my desires, interests and comforts, and more towards Christ Jesus!  I think we all have the internal power to change for the better.

I write this post because I see situations regularly, and some very “close to home”, that cause me to wonder why people (men specifically) don’t change!?!  There are so many wonderful things in life to experience, and so much good to be done, and so many people to influence for the positive… why do some people wallow in their filth?  It boggles my mind.

I look at my life and notice that I desire change.  If my wife isn’t happy with something I’m doing, I don’t become defensive and argumentative, I work on getting better!  If my children aren’t responding to my parenting, I don’t blame them, I work to be a better father.  If my prayer life isn’t as strong as I need it to be, I don’t get angry at God, I pray more.  You see, in my life, I have learned that I must be the cause for the change I want to see.  I can’t blame others for things I don’t like.  I can’t sit around and stay stagnant.  I can’t be okay with mediocre.  I must work to grow, to change, to be the man that God created me to be.  We all must do this!

One other thing here… If you know a guy who needs to change, give him the chance.  Have really high expectations and don’t settle for second best.  He has the potential to be better, he just might need to see that someone expects more out of him and that it really does matter how he lives, treats others and believes.  However, if you’ve given someone a chance, and they constantly choose to make poor decisions, to wallow in their filth and refuse to grow, be careful how much you invest in them.  I’m not telling you to stop investing in them, I’m merely suggesting that you be careful.  Ladies – if you are dating a man who doesn’t want to change, be very weary to stay with him.  You deserve a man who will strive to be the best he can be.  Don’t expect marriage to make it better, it may in fact make it worse.

TrueMan up!

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