It’s Not About Beer
For most people, the first thing that comes to mind when they hear the name of St. Patrick or St. Patrick’s Day is beer and/or partying. St. Patrick’s Day is about more than beer.
St. Patrick was an incredible man… a TrueMan. Most of what he did in life, including joining the priesthood, being ordained a bishop and working to free the Irish from Druidism, came after several hard years of slavery in then pagan Ireland.
To read more on his life, click HERE.
So today, as you celebrate, remember that just because other guys are being foolish and drinking themselves stupid, you don’t have to. Don’t fall into that trap. Embracing St. Patrick and what he did is wonderful, for he’s a great model of TrueManhood.
Man up!
The Fight – Clear and Present Danger
I write about “The Fight” a good bit on this site. I urge men everywhere to realize that we are in a battle for souls. Most of the time, the battle is spiritual – fighting demons, spiritual unrest and concupiscence. Sometimes, however, the battle is physical. In this video, the persecution of Christians shows us that the battle is a clear and present danger. The persecution of Christians in America is far from as brutal as these persecutions of Christians by Muslims in Nigeria, but still real. In no way am I attempting to compare the two forms of persecution – clearly, the are different. However, there’s nothing to say that they can’t become as real in America as they are in other parts of the world.
If you can’t view the video, click HERE for the link.
Men, we MUST first learn what it means to be a man, then jump into action! We are called to action! Without TrueMen who step up, lead and fight, mankind will continue to suffer. We cannot sit around and wait for this sort of hatred to permeate our culture any more. Step up and do something! How, you ask? How can I possibly help these poor, defenseless people in Africa? Start at home, so that it doesn’t happen here. I’ve been known to joke on occasion about a “Muslim Invasion”, that I want to be armed and ready to respond to this sort of thing. It’s not funny any more. How ready are you if this were to happy in the US?
A note about the traffic on my site: in February 2010, my site was visited by people living in 36 various foreign countries. 6 of those 36 countries were African countries. This is more real for them than me.
In Response – Not the Point
I recently received a comment on one of my posts, “That Blue One’s the Boy One”. The commentor, as you can read below in red, misses the point.
The color examples don’t make any sense. Attributing color to gender is arbitrary. It’s not an instinct. It’s learned. Before the 20th century, most babies were dressed in white because it could withstand hot washes. In the 1920’s in the US, pink was for boys and blue was for girls. Pink was considered a watered down shade of red, think blood and blue was considered dainty because it was the color of the sky and water. The French dressed girls in pink and the Germans dressed boys in pink. It’s meaningless. Think dresses are for girls? Not in this country. Most boys wore dresses in the late 1800’s because fabric was scarce and they grew out of pants too quickly. As for your “men and women are different” arguments, the scientific research has shown that there are more within-group differences than between-group differences for men and women aside from a few physiological differences. The reason that there is a difference is because society has created different rules for different genders. From looking around your website, I guarantee what I am writing won’t make a difference and you probably won’t give it a second thought, but it goes against everything that we know about our society. This site seems to be a giant amalgamation of stereotypical and baseless opinions. It is well-designed though and the layout is phenomenal. I hope that some healthier examples of masculinity, fatherhood and mentoring make their way to your site in the future.
Allow me to respond to Jerrod. First off, thanks for the comment. Secondly, you’re missing the point in the first half of your comment. It wasn’t about the color, which I clearly stated in my original post. You bring up some other points that need clarification.
- The “men and women argument” isn’t my argument. I’m merely stating what others (namely, John Paul the Great; one of the greatest philosophers and peacemakers in human history) have already worked out extensively. To say that there are “more within-group differences than between-group differences” is quite simply, false. Your scientific research is flawed. If you’d like to email me personally, I’m happy to take a look at what you are using as your source(s).
- What you wrote is very important to me. What you wrote is, in part, why I have this website. I’m interested in bringing to light the truths of manhood so that our society can return to a properly functioning society. As of now, in our post-modern society, we do not function properly as a whole. This is mainly because males fail to live up to TrueManhood. I’m working to change that. You say that my website “goes against everything we know about our society.” You’re correct, I’m working to fight the culture we live in. Sin rules our world, and in order for society to thrive, we must fight our tendency toward sin. To say “what we know about our society” implies that what our society does/thinks is correct. What we think is correct, is not. Our society needs conversion of heart to the source of life – Jesus Christ.
- As for the site being a “giant amalgamation of stereotypes and baseless opinions”, I disagree. My articles are based in Catholic truth, the fullness of truth. That’s a giant topic, so I don’t guess we can get into it here. I’m fighting the stereotypes of what is expected of males in our society – just read any of the articles I write about commercials we see. I’m guessing you probably haven’t really read many of my articles, or maybe that you don’t understand them. My apologies. And yes, while my articles are opinion, they are not baseless. My opinions are in line with the Church (many bishops and priests support my website) and are rooted in the understanding of virtue as a way of life. If you’re interested in reading more about virtue, type VIRTUE in the search box and get to reading – there’s lots there. Specifically, you can check out “TrueManhood’s Guide to Virtue”.
- I appreciate the comments about the layout and design. I work hard to keep the sight going. (And, I’m always working on new stuff, and want more comments of what everyone is hoping for!)
- Finally Jerrod, from your last sentence, I’d like to know what you think is a “healthier example of masculinity, fatherhood and mentoring…” Thanks.
Man up!
Prove It
There’s an aspect to manliness that I haven’t mentioned on the site, to date, and I want to bring it into the fold. The aspect of “proving your manliness” is an underlying requirement to achieving TrueManhood. Throughout all of time, in great civilizations and in small, young boys have had to prove their ability to be considered a man by the rest of the men. Whether it was killing an animal, conquering a task, going on an adventure or enduring a trial of some sort, young boys weren’t considered a part of the group of men unless they accomplished the task. Proving one’s manliness is something that we have forgotten in America.
How can we get back to proving one’s manliness, especially in light of the requirements that our world puts out there for guys “to be manly”? How can we get back to this when what we talk about most on the site, in regards to TrueManhood, is virtue? I think the answer lies somewhere between the older men (fathers, grandfathers, senior men, etc.) setting an example of manliness and the young-to-middle-aged-men who have proven themselves as TrueMen to hold a standard of excellence as the requirements for boys and young men who have yet to prove themselves as TrueMen. 
Somewhere along the way, we let go of the standard of excellence and now we are faced with the cultural issues of boys acting as if life was a fast action, shoot ’em up movie or the opposite, where we have overly-effeminate males walking around aimlessly.
Why would proving manliness change anything? Well, if young boys/men knew that they had to prove their manliness (note: this must happen through a rigorous process of proving that their actions are consistently ordered towards the good) before they could ask a girl on a date, before they could have a job, before they could have any responsibility, etc. I think it would greatly change the level of importance put on manliness, which is needed in the worst way.
Man up!
Fighting Cultural Manliness
Society makes suggestions to us, either directly or indirectly, about what’s manly and what’s not. Typically, society paints a picture that “cultural manliness” stems from all or part of the following: POWER, MONEY, SEX and STUFF. Society calls a man who possesses these things a “real man”. Separately, and in the right context, these attributes are wonderful, and add nicely to life. When used out of context, they can become disastrous. If a male possesses one (or more) of these attributes, than he automatically racks up points on an invisible ‘man scale’. A given amount of points on the cultural manliness scale doesn’t necessarily gain a guy anything, and it’s not like he can cash those points in for anything tangible. Nor is this something that guys sit around and discuss, it just sort of “is”. It comes from movies and music, tv and the internet. It’s the machismo mindset. However, because of the picture that is painted, a man with lots of points is (for whatever reason) elevated to a higher level than a regular Joe. As this happens, men being elevated and esteemed for what they possess and/or what they have done, other men desire to emulate these “real men” and therefore, “get what he has and do what he’s done.” Other men begin to shoot for power, money, sex and stuff, instead of what really determines what manliness is.
What is real manliness??? Or, in our case, TrueManhood??? If real manliness isn’t power, money, sex and stuff, what is it? Where can we find out? What can we do to become really manly? Well, we’re given lots of great examples throughout history of what NOT to do and what’s NOT really manly. Where do we go to find good examples? I’d like to point to a few perfect examples of what manliness is using three Biblical characters.
1. After a storied youth, this man fell away from God and screwed up royally. He engaged in sins of the flesh which led to men dying and problems for others around him. However, instead of remaining lazy and indifferent, he heeded the words of his dear friend and decided to better himself and devoted his life to serving, honoring and praising God. He became faithful, prayerful and humble. He set an example of great virtue for others to see. He, like us, sinned – but repented, asking for forgiveness and continue to grow in holiness.
2. This man was wronged at an early age. After spending many years in confinement for crimes he hadn’t committed, he rose in the ranks and eventually became the king’s trusted advisor. Instead of taking vengeance on the men who wronged him, he chose love, honor and service. This man was a humble and faithful servant to God, never losing his foundation of prayer, trust and faith. An incredible witness of how to work through hardships.
3. This man was given, quite possibly, the hardest task a human father could be given. He was asked to take on a role that no other father had ever been asked to do, but he readily accepted and because he was a virtuous man, he succeeded in this difficult task. Because he trusted God (and His messenger), this man remained faithful and obedient. Due to his successful job-well-done, all men have a perfect example of what it means to be a chaste husband, a loving father and a hard worker.
What is TrueManhood? From these three examples, we see a theme: these three men were virtuous. Their virtue (especially their theological virtue of faith) allowed them to persevere and to continue to serve God.
The idea of cultural manliness is that, as you accumulate more wealth, as you sleep with more women, as you buy more stuff and as
your power “ranking” goes up, the more manly you are. Cultural manliness never takes into account your virtue, your faith, your relationship with God and/or others, how you treat your wife, children, family, friends, strangers, etc. Cultural manliness is a facade, a lie, a demeaning and empty way of living. The glamour of being a “culturally manly” man will wear off in time. How many people will a culturally manly man hurt along the way?
I call this cultural manliness for a reason, a simple reason. The culture is expressing the thought that everyone, man or woman, is in this world on their own, free to make up their own truth, free to generate their own spirituality from within. A man simply goes after what he wants, and his list of wants comes from what gives him pleasure. Seeking pleasure is what drives his actions and pleasure is often the only motive behind actions.
The Biblical characters described above are, in order: King David, Joseph of the Old Testament and St. Joseph, Patron Saint of Fathers and Workers.
Encouraging Men to Get Involved
Here’s my latest article on iibloom.com, posted yesterday.
For some people, it’s a struggle to figure out why men aren’t involved at church and church-related events. When we take a look at a typical parish in the United States, we see a Church that is struggling to entice, encourage and strengthen men as leaders. Why is this? Is it the content, is it the timing, is it the other people in attendance? Is it something internal? Do they feel emasculated by it? Is it a lack of catechesis? Is there a power struggle? Or maybe even something else?
(Please note, this article is a generalization; please keep this in mind. Many men are fully engaged in the life of the Church and many parishes have a thriving men’s population. The point of this article is to find ways to help encourage men who aren’t involved to become involved.)
Men won’t get involved in “stuff” if they don’t see a value in it. Also, they aren’t likely to attend a new event, group or club unless they
know someone else who is attending, and know them well. Another reason men won’t get involved is if they see the stuff as weak, lame or feminine. Unfortunately, many men see Mass, Church events, groups and retreats through this lens. On my website, I have mentioned that the Church is “by women, for women,” and this is a big reason why men aren’t involved. I say this because the vast majority of parishes in the US have a very lopsided attendance and volunteer demographic. The reason for this is because men fail to step up and into leadership and volunteer roles.
Men shouldn’t be forced into praying like women pray, it doesn’t work for us. Men need to pray the way men were created to pray. Men shouldn’t be forced into activities that are similar to women’s activities, it does’t work for us. Men should participate in activities that they were created for. There’s a difference, and that difference is important.
The difference is, as the late Pope John Paul II often talked about, is that men and women were created equal in dignity, but different in role. In order for men to fulfill their role, their lives must be oriented correctly towards what they were created for. A great place to see what it is that men were created for is to read through the creation narrative in The Book of Genesis.
So how do you encourage men to participate? It’s tough to know, exactly. I think that a great way is to get to the heart of a man…that which God put deep inside each man. It’s different from anything else in the world, and hard to explain. See, men want to be rugged and tough. They want to shoot stuff, and fix stuff, and build stuff. They want to protect and defend, they want to love and be loved. They want to feel a purpose and be accomplished. Unfortunately, so many men don’t know how to do any of that stuff.
If we want men to participate, we have to encourage them, build them up and GIVE THEM A PERSONAL INVITATION. Personal invitations, from men they trust and respect, might just be the thing to get a man involved in the Life of the Church. The personal invitation should be in person, not over phone, texting or email. And once the invitation is extended, the event better not stink! Or be lame! And, it better not be associated with ‘sissiness’! If it does, he’ll never come back.
I encourage all the faithful, if they know a man who needs to be involved, to be like St Monica. St Monica, the mother of St Augustine, prayed unceasingly for her son. Augustine was a wandering-soul. He lived a life of incredible sin and his mother still prayed. He became one of the greatest saints and writers of the Church. That man who you know might just be the next St Augustine.
Click HERE for the article on iibloom’s site.
Tools and Resources
TrueManhood Men’s Ministry offers various tools and resources for men. If you don’t see something on this site, but are curious if we have anything for you, please ask. Find us on social media, or email us at Info@TrueManhood.com.
Regarding pornography addiction: There are numerous resources available for men (and women) who have addictions to pornography. The essential element in dealing with an addiction is that the FIRST STEP towards recovery takes place. The next important step is the continual work. The journey is long and hard but the freedom that comes from breaking the chains of an addiction to pornography is almost overwhelming. I highly recommend checking out TrueManhood’s Guide called “5 Step Plan” and then determine what sort of resource(s) you need to make your plan effective. Here are just a few ideas, and a few resources.
- Serious prayer and a life full of the Sacraments!
- Your PLAN is essential, figure out what it needs to be, then put it into action.
- Accountability with your accountability partner. This person needs to be a man and should not be your female friend, sister, girlfriend, fiancée, or wife.
- Spiritual Direction with a priest. I recommend seeing a priest regularly so that you can obtain necessary graces from the Sacrament of Reconciliation.
- Sexaholics Anonymous – check your local area for locations and times.
- Counseling/Coaching (Email us at ContactUs@TrueManhood.com for more information.) Group Counseling may be a good option as well.
- Support Groups/Men’s Groups
- Books, Prayer Guides, DVDs, CDs, Podcasts, Websites, etc.
- Internet filters, software and firewalls.
I also highly recommend installing Covenant Eyes on all of your devices (including each and every device you have access to). For a reasonable monthly fee, Covenant Eyes offers accountability and filtering. Click HERE to receive a free month of Covenant Eyes.
TrueMan up!
