The TrueManhood Code
The singing cowboy, Gene Autry, had certain rules about what it takes to be a cowboy. I think what he had to say works not only for cowboys, but for all men.
If you’ll notice, Mr. Autry clearly stated that a cowboy ‘MUST’ do these things… they aren’t options. A TrueMan, too, doesn’t have the option to tell the truth or not, or to be a good worker only some of the time. A TrueMan can’t only respect women on occasion or have clean personal habits from time-to-time. In order to be a TrueMan, we work to possess the character of a real, authentic man, living out the role that God created us for, and we do it at all times. The life of a TrueMan isn’t simply a switch we turn on when we’re in public, or when we’re in a job interview, or when we’re trying to impress someone. It is a lifestyle, a complete and totally devoted lifestyle in which we surrender all unto the Lord, for He is our master and our purpose. The TrueManhood Code is a life of virtue.
May you always live virtue, and in all things, glorify God.
Man up!
Man-ifesto, Needs Context
A message about the Docker’s “Man-ifesto” came through my inbox today and I wanted to draw some attention to it. The point of what Dockers is trying to do comes across, however, I think it needs some explanation in order to make it better. This explanation sets the context of what manhood is, why it is vital and how a man can live TrueManhood.
I really like the parts about gentlemanly behavior. I tend to believe that chivalry is dying, but I know that it can be resurrected from the dead if men would take a few extra seconds here and there to help women out (it needs to then become a mindset) AND if women allow a man to be a gentleman. The loss of masculinity in our culture is overwhelming, which is a big reason why I operate this website. Males tend to give into societal pressures (vanity and pride are big here) and because of the idea of “cultural manliness” (if you don’t know what this is, you need to read more of my writings here! Use the search box to find CULTURAL MANLINESS!) are often rewarded for doing so. If you haven’t heard Brad Paisley’s song, “I’m Still a Guy”, he mentions lots of stuff about the decline of masculinity: “These days, there’s dudes gettin’ facials, manicured, waxed and botoxed. With deep spray on tans, and creamy-lotiony hands, you can’t grip a tackle box. With all of these dudes linin’ up get nudered it’s hip now to be feminized…” It’s funny, haha, but true. A way for us to gauge our own behavior and motivations is to look at the most manly men we know. This doesn’t mean Chuck Norris and Charleston Heston, this means TrueMen, like St. Joseph, St. Thomas More and Jesus Himself! These men exemplify manliness, they are our guides.
The Dockers Man-ifesto takes jabs at stuff like salad bars, misbehaved children and complacency, but it never answers the question ‘why’.
The term “wear the pants” is typically misconstrued and misused; typically the term means something similar to dominate, or rule over. This is NOT the role of a man. A TrueMan leads, yes, but not with an iron fist. A TrueMan makes decisions, but not by force. A TrueMan loves and honors and respects. (In the coming days, as soon as I have my voice back, I’m producing a video talking more about this topic.)
And let’s be clear, the “call to manhood” is to live virtue! In Latin, virtus means manliness!
I urge men and women to read through Docker’s Man-ifesto and determine what areas should be worded differently if it was the TrueMan-ifesto. Maybe I’ll do that too, and post my thoughts on it. Your comments are appreciated.
Man up!
Relationships Relationships
It’s been requested by a frequent reader (I’m fairly certain that she checks the site daily from her RSS subscription!) for some
relationship advice, encouragement and/or help. Since we have several friends either newly married or soon-to-be married, I thought it was a good time to introduce some ideas about relationships. [Thanks for the suggestion!]
No matter what stage of your life you’re in (single, dating, engaged, married), it’s important for us to all strive to be better. Make today better than yesterday and make tomorrow better than today. Personally, I tend to be very selfish (something I work on daily) and I often let my wife down in this area… an area in my life that keeps me from fully obtaining TrueManhood. However, I know that it’s a weakness and I work on it. I try to put her needs first, to think outside the normal day-to-day “to do list” box to go out of my way to show her how much I love her. When I don’t do that, I fail in my role as her husband. When I fail as a husband, I fail to fulfill TrueManhood. If today I make some mistakes, I’ll work very very hard to not make those mistakes again tomorrow.
Our marriage is strong (one of the strongest I’ve ever come across) because we both strive to be better each and every day. We have our off days, sure. We also have incredibly strong days. What’s great about my wife and me (and I can brag because 1. it’s true and 2. it’s my website!) is that we both desire to continue to grow. We’re never okay where we are. Striving for excellence and perfection in the Lord is our daily goal. (In a spousal way, at work, with our kids, as siblings and in public. Everywhere.) No matter what stage of your life you’re in, strive to be better each and every day.
When we dated, the relationship worked well for us because we were both very grounded in the fact that we wanted to be married with children. We had both had numerous relationships that all went asunder and we weren’t investing in a long term relationship to “just have fun”. We were dating with a purpose. The purpose for us was marriage. If you’re in a dating relationship, I highly encourage you to date with a purpose. You’ve probably heard it before, but I can’t stress enough the importance of having that purpose in dating. It orients your entire being, your will, your mind toward the vocation that you’ve been called to by God. Protect yourself by being in a relationship only with a person you can foresee marrying. If you can’t see them being the parent of your children, and you can’t see yourself growing old with them, or they really really annoy you in a million different ways, then get out! Call it off. Dating isn’t about settling on the person you’ve been dating the longest, it’s about finding the right person for you. If you listen hard enough, God will reveal the person He created just for you. Once you find that person, you’ll know. It’s an incredible thing.
Recently, my wife spoke at a college women’s event. There was a “man panel” where the women could ask the men questions and get frank answers in return. Although the guys tried (sorry guys, you missed the boat here), Catherine told me that they just didn’t get it. When asked, “Tell us about your ideal date”, not a single man on the panel said anything about the girl. They never mentioned doing anything that she liked, or finding out her favorite restaurant, or trying to make the date special for the girl. I tell this little story to illustrate an important point in dating… do what the other wants to do! Be sacrificial. Bite the bullet. Put the other’s needs and wants before your own. Think outside yourself, it will bring great joy to both of your lives.
If you’re engaged, all I can say is, BUMP THE DATE UP AS SOON AS POSSIBLE!!! Engagement was literally an earthly-purgatory for me. I hated it. The worst part of engagement is that you’ve made the commitment (minus the vows and Sacrament) and you want to be with this person all the time. The saying goodnight and driving home at 2:00am. The waiting. The wedding planning. Yuck. I am so glad I’ll never go through that again. If you’re in this stage, embrace it and go with the flow. It’ll be over at some point.
I have a theory (for all stages of relationships)… it’s about arguments/fights/disagreements. I am 100% convinced that in order for an argument, fight or disagreement to take place, one or both parties is acting or speaking out of selfishness. Don’t be selfish! Selfishness kills relationships. Don’t do it! (If you can think of an example where an actual argument, fight or disagreement has taken place where at least one of the people involved wasn’t selfish, I’d like to know about it. Email me at Dave@TrueManhood.com.)
As I’ve written about before, Catherine and I have a saying we use in our marriage. It’s like our motto. It’s simple, really. 
“Always Make the Choice to Love.” If you want to read more about this, check out an article I wrote for www.iibloom.com by clicking this link.
Man up!
Upcoming Schedule for TrueManhood Ministry
Here’s some information on our upcoming schedule of events. More events will be scheduled as they come up. If you’re interested in booking Dave for your event, parish, school, retreat, conference or group, please email us at Info@TrueManhood.com and someone on our staff will get back to you soon!
November 18 – on Sirius Radio Channel 159 (XM 117) with “The Catholics Next Door“. 1120am EST (920am EST). Topic TBD.
November 20 – in New Jersey at Montclair State University’s Annual Catholic Thanksgiving Party. Including Ramapo College. Topic: “The Battles We Face as Young Adult Catholics in the Modern World”.
December 17 – on with Joe McClane “The Catholic Hack“.
December 31 – in Florida at the FOCUS National Conference 2010. Speaking to the Men at the Men’s Impact Sessions. Topic: “Fighting for Manliness” – For men who want to dive into the realities of the battle for men’s souls. What is manliness, why is it being attacked and how do we fight to save it?
January 8 – on with Mark Houck and Damian Wargo (The King’s Men) on Holy Spirit Catholic Radio in Philadelphia. Topic: Man stuff.
February 20 or 27 – @ St. Mary’s Catholic Parish in Littleton, CO. Confirmation Retreat.
March 7 – USAFA TEC Retreat – Topic: Discipleship “Imitate Me as I Imitate Christ”
March/April DATE TBD – on with CatholicTV. More details coming on this.
Fr Benedict Groeschel, a TrueMan
To call Fr Benedict a TrueMan is an understatement. What a witness, a leader, a servant! A great example to everyone. I came across this Grassroots Films video – even thought it’s a few weeks dated, I wanted to post it.
For those who don’t know, Fr Benedict Groeschel is one of the most well-known Catholic priests of our times. He started the C.F.R.s, the Franciscan Friars of the Renewal and many other organizations and projects. (For a good article on Fr Benedict, click here.)
When They Leave God Out
There are some men’s sites out there, trying to do some good work, trying to “get” at the heart of manhood. You may be familiar with The Art of Manliness, the National Fatherhood Initiative or maybe you’ve seen some footage recently on The Good Men Project – I’ve seen them all over the internet and videos of their TV appearances. I’m glad these sites, projects, books and resources are out there for men. However, when they leave God out, they’re leaving out THE important piece. Without God, faith in God and love for God, a male simply cannot fulfill his role as a man. Plain and simple.
Watch this video, and note, starting around 1:23, the attitude about “manhood being up for grabs” and “at a turning point”. And again, starting around 2:10, “there’s no good answer” – in reference to what makes a man “good”. And one last specific time to notice, 4:28 where again the notion of manhood is ever-changing and up to every one’s own interpretation.
I highly disagree with this line of thinking. There IS a standard, a definition. There is a specific way that a man can be a “good” man. It’s called virtue! Same with the *interesting* preacher from two posts ago, they’re missing the essential pieces about manhood. God guides us, strengthens us, enlivens us. Without God, we can’t live TrueManhood.
Man up!
What is a Woman’s Role in Helping to Create a Culture of TrueManhood?
— GUEST POST from CATHERINE DiNUZZO, MA LPC (Wife of Dave DiNuzzo) —
When Dave asked me to write a guest post on his site, I was very excited because I believe that to truly change the current situation of manliness in society and to be able to change it to a (virtuous) culture of TrueManhood, men are only a portion of the solution. Another important part in this change are women!
When I first met Dave he was not the man that he is today. Now, I am not going to say that it was because of me alone that he has decided to “change his ways”, but I will say that it was a series of challenges that I posed to him, that began his transformation into the man he is today.
Dave has always been a man who was not afraid to fight for justice and for what he believes in. However, when I met him, he was focused on doing it “Dave’s way”. I remember one time when we were dating when we got into a fight about something trivial, and he told me, “there’s Dave’s way and the wrong way”. This was the way he dealt with stuff – his way… and passionately! Now, what I have always loved about Dave is his passion and self-confidence, but this was an example of a time in his life when he was less-than-virtuous. What I feel Dave was lacking in his life when I first met him was – what I feel most men are missing – a woman to challenge and expect virtuous behavior. Looking back on it now, I don’t think Dave ever knew what to strive for because the women in his life never challenged him to obtain TrueManhood.
The question I pose is “how are we to expect men to behave a certain way, if we (women in general) lower our standards and accept mediocrity?” We simply cannot.
My goal as a guest blogger for Truemanhood.com is to help give women the tools to believe in their own value enough to expect the best out of the men in their lives. I agree whole-heartily with Dave, that if we are going to change the world, we must create a world of truly virtuous men; aka: TrueMen! Also, if we are expecting men to make this change then is it going to take the women of the world to step up and embody their roll in the change.
I hope you continue to check the site as I will be posting regularly. Please pass this along to your female friends… this is a journey that is meant for all of us.
Woman up!
~Catherine
