Learn It, Then Earn It (For Dads)

Dear Fellow Fathers,

There’s a difference between maleness and manliness.  A person is a male by virtue of his sex (gender), his DNA.  A male is not a man simply because of his age, his profession, his marital status, whether or not he’s a virgin, what he owns, or any other arbitrary factor.  A male becomes a man when his life is manly.  What is manliness?  Virtue.  This is one of the 3 main tenants of TrueManhood.com – nothing new for the readership.

The Catechism of the Catholic Church, in paragraph 1803, states that virtue is “the habitual and firm disposition to do the good.”  The CCC clarifies that virtue is an action… doing… a verb.  So when does a male become a man?  When he does good.  You’re a male reading this… are you a man or are you simply a male?

Thankfully, with the definition that the Church gives us, we don’t have to wonder whether or not a male is a man, which means that we don’t have to wonder whether or not our sons (or the males interested in our daughters) are men.  It’s the benchmark by which we “grade” them.  When we know that, we can move forward to help these males continue to live in a manly way.  This brings me to my point…

Manliness isn’t given, manliness is earned.  Before something can really be earned, someone must know what they are earning, thus males must first learn what manliness is before they can earn it.  As fathers, it is our responsibility to not only live out manliness (ie: virtue) but to teach it.  The world gives various versions of counterfeit manliness for our boys to shoot for (search “Cultural Manliness” on this site for more on the world’s main version) and if we don’t teach them what authentic masculinity is, their only option is the world’s option.

The world’s option isn’t an option for me.  It’s not an option for my son, Dave Jr.  It’s not an option for my daughters Lily, Emma, and Maria.  The world’s option is a lie.

Let’s work together as Catholic fathers to teach our children (male and female) what masculinity is.  If you ever wonder, just refer back to the Catechism, to TrueManhood.com, or to the “Guide to Virtue” found on my site.  More to follow on dads teaching their sons what TrueManhood is all about.

TrueMan up!

‘Sexy’ Pressure for Girls at Halloween – an Article Primarily for Dads

The concept of ‘sexy pressure’ for girls at Halloween had never crossed my mind before my wife sent me a NY Times “parent blog” article – here it is – but now it’s resonating with me.  Makes me think about 10 years from now… what’s life going to be like for our little ones?  (Please read the article so that you understand what I’m talking about.  And not, I certainly don’t prescribe to what the author of the article is saying, but simply bringing it up as a point of discussion.)  I’m a father of 3 daughters, and although they are young, I’m aware of the pending pressure that’s coming – but apparently not aware enough.

In the article, you can sense that the pressure on girls comes mostly from other girls.  They didn’t talk about whether or not the guys thought they were ‘too sexy’, but the pressure stemmed almost exclusively from what the other girls perceived.  (I assert, too, that the pressure they feel isn’t so much real as it is only a perception, and the one quote shows that, when she says, essentially, “it’s not discussed but everyone knows it.”)  I’ve always found this to be true; the guys aren’t aware enough, most of the time, or don’t care enough, to make a big deal out of girl’s clothing.  Although there is that aspect when a girl is dressed in a “slutty” manner (per the article) when guys notice and begin to pay attention to her.  This is age-old.

What’s the big deal here?  Isn’t this just adolescent development, trial-and-error, and growing pains?  No, I don’t think so.  It’s a big deal because of the culture around our kids.  They see particular things online, on TV, in movies, in music videos, etc. and whatever is “it” MUST be emulated.  At least in their minds.  Whatever’s hip, cool, newest, biggest, baddest, and those things that push the moral lines, is what is desired.  Again, this is age-old.  The shiny thing that grabs attention is what becomes so sought after.  So, with our young women, and this idea of “dressing sexy for Halloween”, what do we do?  Fathers… where are you?

Here’s what we do.  I’ve written about this before, I speak about this all the time, I teach my kids in class this concept in all we do.  It’s not a new concept… it too is age-old.  We teach our kids that they are intrinsically good and that God loves them, and that we love them.  We instill in them a self-worth that is so strong that it can stand up against any cultural phenomenon, any peer pressure, any moral dilemma and come out victorious.  Without this self-worth, without this knowledge that they have a dignity that is deserving of only the greatest, they will fall into the pressure of the world to find their happiness, self-worth, and coolness factor from other things.  In the end, those other things won’t bring happiness, only emptiness.

Fathers: if you’re not the most loving, caring, compassionate, uplifting source of goodness in your daughter’s life, then why not?!  She needs your attention, your affection, your love, your discipline, your care, your concern.  NEEDS it like she needs water, food, oxygen, and shelter.  An absolute necessity.  If you’ve failed her in this area up to this point, work to fix your mistakes.  You’ve got 10 days before Halloween, it’s not too late.  And let’s be real, Halloween isn’t the issue, but it certainly accentuates the issue.

TrueMan up!

Men, I Exhort You

From time to time, bishops write what are called ‘apostolic exhortations’… a letter or article or writing that calls the people to a higher level of knowledge on a topic… that encourages the reader to live a particular way, or to consider a worldview that may be different from what they currently believe and are living.  Many apostolic exhortations have to do with modern crisis and societal concerns that the bishop desires to spend time and effort working to correct.  The latest of these exhortations comes from a great man, a great shepherd of the people, and a wonderful bishop, Bishop Thomas Olmsted of the Diocese of Phoenix in Arizona.  Watch the trailer below to be inspired to read the exhortation, which you can find by clicking on the link below.

Click HERE to get to the exhortation.  It is lengthy, and the website has much more on it than just the exhortation, so be prepared to save the site and come back to it as you need to.

I applaud the efforts of Bishop Olmsted and all the men and women who support him in this project.  He couldn’t be more right in what he says and writes… we are absolutely in a crisis and need the fullness of the teaching of masculinity to come out and to be spread.  That IS the work of TrueManhood Men’s Ministry and we stand in solidarity with Bishop Olmsted.

TrueMan up!

REPOST – Ditch the Fantasy

I received yet another invitation to play Fantasy Football this year.  That makes, well, several invitations.  Because it was such a big article for me last year, and because I think it needs addressed again, I’m reposting my article “Ditch the Fantasy.”

Brothers, can I be honest with you?  Really?  I mean, can I really lay something out on the table and call you to task?  Bros… it’s time to ditch the fantasy football leagues.  Playing football… awesome.  (Especially local pick-up games at the park.  I played ball as a kid up into college.  It taught me teamwork, hard work, discipline, tenacity, perseverance, and so many other great characteristics.  It even – significantly – helped me pay for undergrad!)  Watching football… fine.  (I thoroughly enjoy it myself.  It’s always been something we do in my family… gathering us together like nothing else can.  Literally like nothing. else. can.  Eating, talking, enjoying one another.  It’s awesome.)  Fantasy football… nah.

I’ve been getting jazzed for this season of late and excited about the Steelers’ run for their 7th championship (stop – don’t send hate mail!)  In watching some stuff about the NFL and listening to some sports talk radio on my long commutes, and following a few threads here and there, I keep getting bombarded with the fantasy talk.  I even went to a game recently (pre-season Vikings vs. Chiefs at Arrowhead – thanks Jeff!) and heard it there.  Over the loud speaker, on the jumbotron, on posters.  It boggles my mind that grown men get so into this garbage.  Don’t you have better things to spend your time on?  Can’t you find something productive to do?  Sure, a lot of us spend time poorly on occasion.  Sometimes it’s leisure, recreation, relaxation, etc.  Sometimes, it’s just blatant idiocy.  I have to be frank about this, even the name evokes the shear viciousness that is fantasy football.

For those who don’t know what fantasy football is, there are countless places to learn about it, but you won’t find that on TrueManhood.com.  Sorry.

If you find yourself ready to attempt to justify fantasy to me, stop yourself, think through it, and ponder this: it is a fantasy.   Fake. Fantasies lend themselves to sinfulness – idle behavior, sloth, selfishness, and deeper fantasy.  We need to live in reality, not in fantasy.  If you look up the definition of fantasy online, it will tell you that it’s “imagination – to the point of being improbable or impossible.”  This is what you spend countless hours on each week?  This is what gets you hot and bothered?  Don’t tell me that you might win a $1,000 if you win your league.  Don’t tell me about bragging rights over your brothers, co-workers, or poker buddies.  Require more out of your life than fantasy.  Our wives and children deserve more than fantasy.  Our world deserves much more than fantasy.

Why do I care?  ‘If I don’t like it, I don’t have to do it.’  Right?  How many of you are thinking that right now?  Guess why I care… because men have too many responsibilities that are going undone because we waste our lives on crap like fantasy football.  To me, this isn’t much different than porn.  Porn is a fantasy land.  Unreality that leads to viciousness.  If you don’t think it effects you and me, you’re wrong.  When men don’t live lives of virtue, they’re living lives of viciousness.  There’s no two-ways about it.  We have tons of males running around like boys, playing games all day long, wasting away the good opportunities to be something, and to do something.  Get it together, bros!

So, what are you going to do instead of fantasy football this year?  I’d suggest anything along the lines of… anything but fantasy.

TrueMan up!

60-Day Free Trial from Covenant Eyes

I’m excited to announce a great offer from Covenant Eyes!  Through my affiliate, new users with be offered a 60-Day Free Trial.  This trial is only available from Aug 1-31, so be sure to act quickly.  Click HERE to get the offer.

What is Covenant Eyes?  Internet accountability and filtering.  What, then, is internet accountability and filtering?  To explain, watch this video with Matt Fradd.

Why do I like and support Covenant Eyes and encourage every man, woman, and family to use it?  It’s simple; transparency in our actions, especially online, leads to better moral decisions and holds us accountable to what we’re searching, seeing, and consuming.  Covenant Eyes brings our accountability partner(s) into each click, search, and scroll.  For parents, it opens a gateway towards conversations with children, and sets up an automatic and recurring system to “check in” with their kids about internet use.  And, it keeps parents and spouses from guessing and hoping that their loved one’s internet use is on the up and up.  Covenant Eyes is easy to set up, and even easier to use because it operates in the background.

I will be putting out more resources, videos, and blogs in relation to internet safety.  Stay tuned!

TrueMan up!

Protecting Boys after High School

High school graduations are upon us, and many of those graduates will be moving on to bigger and better things.  When they’re gone, they’re still your child, and you still have some responsibility for their sanctification.  Although they’re of adult age, and many will be out of the house, your parental role doesn’t stop, it merely changes.  How then do you help your college-aged, young adult children?  Well, here are a few tips.

1. Don’t Lie to Yourself: Realize that they’ve seen more, done more, and have been exposed to more than you’d probably like. If they’ve seen any mainstream media, heard any popular music, or hung out with any other children who have done so, they’ve seen it, done it, and/or have been exposed to it.  The “it” is the junk, filth, and garbage that’s out there in TV, movies, music, magazines, and all over the internet.
2. Be Aware: Most institutions of higher education don’t filter, block, or have regulations against pornography and other filth on the internet. Some do, but those systems are rare.
3. New Found Freedom and Rebellion: Being out of the house lends itself towards rebellious views and ideas of invincibility, especially on the college campus. These institutions are typically not calling the boys towards authentic masculinity, but rather, allows and encourages on-going childishness and “cultural manliness”.

It doesn’t matter what they go on to do, they’ll be exposed to more and more than ever before.  Even faithful, Catholic schools have problems with protecting their students, and your child isn’t the exception to the rule.  Okay, okay… downer Dave here… as usual, killing the excitement and joy surrounding graduation.  Harping on the bad news and leaving everyone scared to raise kids in America.  Sorry.  Well, not really.  Instead of only harping on the bad, I’ve got a great tool to aid you in your parenting.  It’s called Covenant Eyes, and I fully endorse their products.

Covenant Eyes is a filtering and accountability software for PCs, Macs, smartphones, and tablets.  It works on a plethora of devices and they continually develop the software to keep up with the latest and greatest gadgets.  Covenant Eyes does a number of things, and while I can’t tell you all of them in this short post, here are three of the most practical things it does, especially for your boy (or girl) heading off to college.

1. Peace of Mind: Covenant Eyes lends itself towards giving parents peace of mind that the content that their child (even their young adult child) is protected from content that is bad for them. The filtering helps to block explicit, pornographic, and malicious content from entering the device.
2. A Talking Point: Covenant Eyes is a gateway to conversation between parents and children. It gives a parent the opportunity to discuss the content, not ignore it.  It gives the child the responsibility of having the device, with the accountability to back it up.
3. Keepin’ It Real: Covenant Eyes keeps everything honest, open, and transparent. The truth is the truth, and if a site has been visited that shouldn’t have been, or an app has been utilized that shouldn’t have been, or questionable online behavior is happening, it puts it all out on the table.  When it’s out there, it can be dealt with.

And it’s not only good for older kids, it’s great for everyone in the house.  Dads – you need this software on your devices to keep you honest.  Moms can benefit from it too!  (Did you know that 1 out of 4 church-going women admit to being addicted to pornography?!)  And our pure, innocent littles… it’s the least we can do for them.  The least.

So how do you start using Covenant Eyes?  Click HERE to go to the Covenant Eyes site to sign up for your free one-month trial.  That’s right, it couldn’t be easier, just head on over and they’ll let you try it out for a month at no cost.  (The link takes you to my affiliate page automatically.)  Once you’ve signed up, you’ll download the program on your computer(s), laptop(s), and iOS/Android devices (get the app), set up the functionality you want to utilize (in the setting portion of the account), and immediately, the device is protected.  If you have ANY problems, or struggle with technology (like so many parents do), simply call their customer service line and they will walk you through everything.  It’s totally worth it, easy to do, and gives you that all-important peace of mind.  What’s stopping you?  Do it today!

Covenant Eyes has a monthly cost after the initial free month trial.  Considering all of the junk out there, I find the minimal costs to be well worth the souls of our children.  One monthly cost covers ALL of your family’s devices.  Hard to beat.  I’ve tried tons of different blocks, filters, and accountability, and by far, this is my favorite.

TrueMan up!

Knights, No More

How often do you sit back and shake your head in disbelief?  For me, it seems to happen quite frequently.  It’s unfortunate, bewildering, and frustrating to see story after story where people cave to the culture, to the “tolerance” regime, to the mainstream, and to politics.  Why can’t we simply see truth and respond to it appropriately?!  I speak of the males that were formerly known as Knights of Columbus from Norfolk KofC Council #3548.  This likely doesn’t include every Brother Knight there, but for the sake of this argument, one is too many.  As I read the stories, the council is acting, and that includes every member of that council.  For any who did stand with Church teaching, it goes without saying, good job.

In Virginia, the Governor is pro-abortion, pro-same-sex marriage, and stands in conflict to most, if not all, Catholic teaching.  Council 3548 invited, and even after rebuke, are continuing to advocate for Gov. Terry McAuliffe to act as Grand Marshall in the upcoming St. Patrick’s Day Parade (next week, Tuesday.)  The pastor of Holy Trinity Parish, where this Knights council is based, has repeatedly rebuked these former Knights.  I say “former”, because no Catholic man who calls himself “Knight” would allow this to happen, and I wouldn’t call them “Brother”.  If this were my council, heads would roll.  But it’s not my council, because we’re actually Catholic warriors!  We stand for truth, goodness, and beauty, and as defenders of Mother Church.  I’m not sure, but I would imagine that these behaviors and decisions may automatically excommunicate some.  I urge them to reconsider their decision of honoring a person who so vehemently opposes Catholic doctrine, especially on issues that are paramount to Catholicism.  Life and Marriage go hand-in-hand and must be upheld, especially by the “Strong Right Arm of the Church”.

Fr. Beeman, their pastor, has done what he can to teach his parishioners the proper approach to these issues.  He is quoted as saying, “It is the clear teaching of the Bishops of the United States in Catholics in Political Life that, ‘the Catholic community and Catholic institutions should not honor those who act in defiance of our fundamental moral principles,’” he wrote in his letter. “‘They should not be given awards, honors, or platforms which would suggest support for their actions’.”

So here’s the deal… in one way or another, we’re all faced with decisions of how we stand against evil.  How we react is important.  When faced with “going against the crowd” or “ruffling feathers”, are you courageous enough to do it?  Do you back down and shy away from confrontation?  Do you buy into the “church of nice” and “want people to like you”?  Men, there are times in life when we can step back and let things play out.  There are other times, especially when it comes to fundamental Church teachings, that we must fight.  This situation in Virginia is one of those times.  The TrueMan is wise enough to know the difference.  The vicious man would choose incorrectly.  I can promise you that Fr. Michael J. McGivney, founder of the Knights of Columbus, would have stood and fought.

TrueMan up!

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