TRUEMANHOOD PODCAST – EPISODE 14 – SUMMER PLANS

Dave has some special words for college, high school, and middle school students about how to dominate summer time! This episode is great for parents, too! Please share this information with any young person in your life. Be proactive, make a plan, set goals, and dominate! GO!

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But How? Helping Men Overcome

One of the questions I’m asked most often is “If a man is addicted to porn, what can he do to overcome it?”  I’d like to tell you that there’s an “easy button” that a man can push and be done with it, but it’s definitely not that simple.  It’s such a frequent question because so many men are addicted and literally don’t know what to do.  Many will tell me that “I’ve tried everything but nothing worked.”  Some will say “I didn’t know what to do so I didn’t do anything.”  All of them know that they want out of the chains that bind them, and all of them know that something has to happen, but so few know what really works.

I have a “5 Step Plan” that could be a good starting point for you.  It’s worked for many men, I believe it can work for you as well.  There are some areas of the plan that are nuanced, the most important of those areas is accountability.  [I hope to create a video about accountability soon to help explain it further.]  There are plenty of other plans, programs, ideas, formats, resources, and approaches that you can find and try.  For men who are extremely troubled by their addiction and who need a full-on attack, some would suggest Sexaholics Anonymous groups, counseling, and/or reparative brain therapy.   You are obviously welcome to try them – do whatever you need to experience freedom.

Regardless of what method you choose, one thing is for sure… every man needs accountability.  The reason accountability is so important is because it forces us to be honest about our life, and forces us to take responsibility for our actions.  An accountability partner is someone very close to you, with whom you can be honest and forthright.  Failing to be 100% open and honest will result in failed accountability.  If you can’t be honest, don’t even start… you’re wasting everyone’s time.  Don’t get me wrong, I know that it’s extremely hard to be honest and that vulnerable.  It’s not a sign of weakness to be vulnerable, it’s a sign of wisdom.

For some, knowing what other men have done, tried, and what has worked or not is a great benefit.  Other men will want to blaze their own trail.  Either way, a man needs to do something, anything.  Be sure, accountability is not something that is okay or acceptable in the cultural manliness lifestyle, so not many will understand and few will encourage it.  Don’t let them get in your way.

Following Step 3 of the 5 Step Plan, you’ll see that you need to “find a brother”, meet as frequently as you need, and be deliberate about your approach.  Watch for the video on accountability, along with a still-to-come TrueManhood guide to accountability.  Another frequent question or road block I hear is about finding this brother for accountability…. so few men actually have male friends, let alone a man they feel comfortable to invite into this sort of relationship.  For those who need it, I offer my services to work through the beginning stages of accountability and beyond.  Contact me for more information.  ContactUs@TrueManhood.com.

TrueMan up!

Evangelizing a Man

The work of evangelization is a requirement for attaining TrueManhood.  Each man must come to fulfill the Great Commission, when Christ demanded that His disciples “Go, therefore, and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them all that I have commanded you.  And lo, I am with you always, even until the end of time.” (Matt 28:19-20.) This wasn’t the “Great Suggestion” – it is an obligation, an order, a must.

For men who are fathers, our children automatically become our disciples.  This is a huge task, and a mighty responsibility.  I’m not necessarily speaking about this directly in this post, although it may pertain to grown male children, to some extent.

In order to evangelize, we must ourselves be evangelized.  What does the word “evangelization” even mean?  What is it?  There are numerous ways we can think about evangelization – in terms of the definition, the time, place, and style, the programs, the books, the techniques, the strategies, and so forth.  That can become pretty complicated, and for our purposes somewhat unnecessary, so I suggest we break it down to a baseline understanding.  Evangelization = Jesus Christ.

When you hear or see the word, or encounter the concept of evangelization, your mind should automatically go to Jesus Christ.  You should consider who He was, what He did, why He did it, and how it impacts all we do.  It’s not rocket science, it’s really not.  Evangelization is coming to know the person of Jesus Christ.  When we know the person of Jesus Christ (once we’ve been evangelized – encountered Jesus) we are changed.  We are held to a higher standard.  What a great concept for men… to be challenged and held accountable to the highest standard!  How masculine!

How, then, do we go about evangelizing men?  Well, unfortunately, many of us simply don’t.  We fail to take the opportunities to talk to men in our lives, or men we encounter along the way.  We are timid, frightened, and lack gusto.  How a man might respond to us is enough to make us change how we speak, think, act, work, dress, and function.  It’s a powerful relationship.  Why, then, do we shy away from this if that relationship is so powerful?  Wouldn’t we want to make disciples from these powerful relationships?  I believe many don’t evangelize men because of fear.  Fear holds us back and prevents us from sharing who we really are.  Fear prevents us from sharing who Jesus is.  This is incredibly dangerous, because we’re failing to evangelize, not remaining true to the Great Commission, not proclaiming the Gospel, and failing to give a man all that he deserves (see ‘virtue of justice’ in the Catechism of the Catholic Church.)

I’m a firm believer that the best method for evangelization is through relationships.  Relational-Evangelization.  Creating relationships with folks is how we are able to learn about them, see who they are and what is beyond their outer façade, and how we are able to begin to gain moral authority (the right to be heard because we are trusted and respected by the other person.)  Once we gain moral authority with a person, we are able to speak into their lives, with meaning and purpose.  When it comes to the men in our lives, having moral authority with them is essential.  For many men, they need proof before they’ll listen to you.  The proof they want to see is that they can trust you.  Hurt caused by lack of trust (or loss of trust, once gained) is a major wound in the lives of many men.

For others, they want to see what you’re made of.  They want to see how hard you work, how tough you are, or whether or not you back up what you say.  Backing up what you say has to be done with actions, bringing in another important aspect to evangelizing men.  If you and I live as though what Jesus said was true, there will be something about us that is different (radically different) from the world.  Men whom we have relationships with will see this.

Living as a TrueMan in our world today is so important.  If we can achieve this – striving to live virtue, to be as Christ is – we will have great success in our evangelization, and through that, work to spread the Good News.  If we gain the men, we will gain the women and children as well.  Where men go, so goes the world.  May it all be for His glory!

CHALLENGE: consider a man in your life that doesn’t know Jesus Christ and begin to pray for him.  Pray too for the opportunities to evangelize this man through your actions and words.  Be open to the chances that are presented and be bold.  There are countless ways to evangelize, but doing nothing is not one of them.

TrueMan up!

The TrueManhood Code

The singing cowboy, Gene Autry, had certain rules about what it takes to be a cowboy.  I think what he had to say works not only for cowboys, but for all men.

If you’ll notice, Mr. Autry clearly stated that a cowboy ‘MUST’ do these things… they aren’t options.  A TrueMan, too, doesn’t have the option to tell the truth or not, or to be a good worker only some of the time.  A TrueMan can’t only respect women on occasion or have clean personal habits from time-to-time.  In order to be a TrueMan, we work to possess the character of a real, authentic man, living out the role that God created us for, and we do it at all times.  The life of a TrueMan isn’t simply a switch we turn on when we’re in public, or when we’re in a job interview, or when we’re trying to impress someone.  It is a lifestyle, a complete and totally devoted lifestyle in which we surrender all unto the Lord, for He is our master and our purpose.  The TrueManhood Code is a life of virtue.

May you always live virtue, and in all things, glorify God.

Man up!

Evangelization Linebacker Follow-Up…

Yesterday I posted a hilarious video, the “Evangelization Linebacker”; check out the post so you know what I’m referencing today.  So, for some folks, in your face evangelization-tactics work.  For most, it pushes others away.  Therefore, you can’t be “blowin’ people up” and expecting them to “come with you” on the journey.  It’s imperative that you create a relationship with the other person and allow them time to gain trust in you.  Once trust is gained, respect usually falls in place and then you gain moral authority with them; moral authority allows you to speak the Truth to open and willing ears.  If you don’t have trust, respect or authority, you’ll be fighting an uphill battle.  [Always remember, respect is received ONLY AFTER respect has been given.]

Gaining the trust comes from meeting people where they are.  If it’s young people, you have to get in their lives and meet them in their element.  For me, with the cadets, I spend as much time with them doing fun, social stuff as possible so they can see that I’m normal and easy to talk to.  Once they come to fun stuff, they’re more likely to join us for religious education stuff and then to start joining us for Mass regularly.  Once that happens, they are willing and capable of listening to the Truth of Jesus.  We can’t expect people to immediately change their ways and “get it”.  It takes time, and usually, some pushing, challenging and proding.

Most of the time, it’s scary for a person to step out and evangelize, but the Linebacker’s got it right… we’ve got to share our faith.  You need to do it the specific/unique way God created you to do it.  And always, without fail, you must back up your words with your actions.  I’ve written about this a lot, but it requires LOVE and LOVE is a verb.  Go and live Love!

Something, besides fear, that holds people back is their lack of knowledge and/or readiness.  Lots of people think that they aren’t ready because they don’t have enough knowledge, experience or time as a Christ-follower.  You’ve got to start somewhere, so today’s the day.  Go out and, even in little ways, be an example of Christ to the world.

Wanna know more?  Email me at proveritasspeakers@gmail.com.

Man up!

An Explanation on Ephesians Chapter 5

On semi-regular occasions, I come across stories of men and women who look at Ephesians Chapter 5 in a different way than the Church does.  It often appears that they take the writings out of context and make them something that they are not.  I want to take a few minutes to explain portions of this sometimes mistaken portion of Scripture.  Note: I am not a Biblical scholar – I recommend that you cross-check my words here with other sources for full understanding.

Starting at verse 21 in chapter 5, St. Paul tells Wives and Husbands “Be subordinate to one another out of reverence for Christ.  Wives should be subordinate to their husbands as to the Lord.  For the husband is head of his wife just as Christ is head of the Church, He Himself the savior of the body.  As the Church is subordinate to Christ, so wives should be subordinate to their husbands in everything.”  A few hard-hitting verses.  If we stop at this verse, we see the writer (St. Paul) asking women to be subordinate to their man in everything.  It almost appears that a woman should blindly follow her husband simply because he is 1. her husband and 2. the head of his wife.  We might look at this and say that a wife needs to be “below” her husband and always do as he tells her.  The image of a slave and a master comes to mind here.  After all, it’s right there in Scripture – right? 

Not quite.  We need to continue reading to finish out this section.  25: “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ loved the Church and handed Himself over for her to sanctify her, cleansing her by the bath of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the Church in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.  So also husbands should love their wives as their own bodies.  He who loves his wife loves himself.  For no one hates his own flesh but rather nourishes and cherishes it, even as Christ does the Church, because we are members of His body.”  We see a much different story when we continue reading.  St. Paul isn’t writing this to women alone.  Most importantly, he is writing this to husbands; husbands are the readers who especially need to heed these words. 

Look at this with me: scripture tells us that husbands should love their wives as Christ loved the Church.  Christ didn’t love the Church out of dictatorial power… He loved the Church out of service, out of self-sacrifice and out of pure virtue.  If we leave this part out of our understanding, our understanding lacks truth and our relationship with our spouse suffers.  Again, St. Paul is speaking to the men, saying “Men, serve your wife!  LOVE you wife!  Give up what you want for the sanctity and holiness of your wife!  Love her as you love yourself!  Want what’s best for her, never thinking about yourself first!”  I can imagine him being incredibly frustrated with men who were lacking as husbands, trying to get them to see that Christ set the example of being a real husband (a TrueMan) for them and that they simply need to emulate Him in order to succeed.

This means, for us men who are or who will be husbands, that we MUST act as Christ acted.  We must be perfected so that our actions, thoughts, words and deeds line up with how Christ would have done them.  We must be sacrificial in the way that we treat our wife.  Christ was a servant leader, He said “I come to serve, not to be served.”  Do that… don’t live to be served. 

On a practical note: as you look at your marriage and begin to digest what you are reading, realize that countless blessings will come from being a servant leader for your wife.  Being a servant leader means that you are serving while leading.  Service comes first.  Want respect from your wife?  Respect her first.  Want your wife to honor you?  Honor her first.  Want your wife to trust you?  Trust her first.  It’s a simple formula and this formula will change your life.  Christ calls us to act in the manner He acted, so guess what… if you are trying to act as Christ acted, you can’t be selfish, ever.  Serve your wife, serve your kids, serve your co-workers, serve everyone, and do it ahead of yourself and your needs.  It will change your life.

Man up!

All or None

Christ requires that we are all or none.  There’s no middle ground when you are a follower of Christ – a Christian.  I recently heard it put like this… if life was a game of Texas Hold’em, Christ would ask us to go “all in” – that’s the only bet allowed.  Why is it so hard for some people to “go all in”?  Why is it so hard to let go of control and simply let God?  I’ve been blessed, in regards to this situation, to have a trusting disposition.  I rely fully on and I know, wholeheartedly, that He will provide all that I need and more.

Trust is a huge piece that goes into following Christ.  And trust, although seemingly insignificant at times, plays a vital role in pushing all our chips into the center of the table.  The Catechism tells us that Adam, the first man, lost trust in God his creator, thus, the first sin.  What sort of trust level do you have in God your creator?

I know that some things are uncertain and some things are scary, but relying on God to get you through them is a vital part in following Him.  We’re given amazing examples in Scripture of men who trusted – namely, Abraham.  His level of trust, obedience and faith is incredible.  Read his story in the Scripture and you’ll see what I mean.  When it comes down to it, he chose trust over everything else and God rewarded him for it.

Man up!

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