Four Days For Fathers – Day 3

Day 2’s post brings to mind another topic about fathers and sons that should be addressed.  There are a great number of people, both men and women, that believe that men can’t be sentimental, affectionate or caring.  If they are, then they must be effeminate, homosexual or other.  These same people believe that a father shouldn’t have to tell his son that he loves him… that the boy should know merely by what his father does.  Usually, the father (in this sort of situation) ‘shows’ his love by his hard work, by his determination, by what he provides for his family.  What’s lacking, though, is the verbal communication between father and son.  Without this communication, a large gap can take place where the son is longing for affirmation and the father is scared to share his feelings, in fear of not appearing ‘manly enough’ for his child.

Usually, what a son wants most in life (at least at a young age) is to make his father proud of him.  When the son doesn’t receive the communication he desires from his father, it typically results in one of two scenarios.  1. He vows to be a different and better kind of father to his own children… or 2. he perpetuates the problem with his own children.

It’s a bit different between a father and his daughters – a sensitive father of daughters is looked at as if he’s doing it right.  Firm, with high expectations, yet loving, tender and caring.

I know that many of you reading this post have daddy-shaped-holes in your life.  I realize that reading about it and thinking about it may be difficult.  While that may be true, I know that a solid way to get over the problems is to bring them to the light, to discuss them and to try to move past them.  The only way to really get over them is to realize that God the Father is your loving father in Heaven and that He has plans for your welfare.  (Read Jeremiah 29:11.)

Also, I want to address a topic from my first paragraph.  Above, I wrote “There are a great number of people, both men and women, that believe that men can’t be sentimental, affectionate or caring.  If they are, then they must be effeminate, homosexual or other.” A TrueMan is not effeminate or homosexual, but is virtuous.  Virtue is the only way for a man to fully live out ‘manliness’.  Period.

Fathers – talk with your children, grown or young.  Set the example of how to love but also commit to saying the words “I love you” on a regular basis.  I recommend saying it every chance you get.

TrueMan up!

A Way for a Woman to Guard Her Heart

I was asked not too long ago what “guard your heart” really means.  The answer isn’t cut and dry, especially because each of us has different experiences, different relationships, different baggage, etc.  However, when asked this question, I attempted to answer with an analogy that I’d like to share with you now.  I told the young woman the following:

(For the Ladies) Imagine that your heart is inside a giant mansion.  Imagine that at the outskirts of the mansion there’s a guard tower with an armed guard inside.  Surrounding the mansion is a 15′-high electrified fence.  Inside the fence are several Dobermans who haven’t eaten lately.  On this side of the dogs is a large, triple-thick, rock wall with a gate that has a special code used to get in.  Inside the rock wall is a large bullet-proof metal door with 7 deadbolts.

Now imagine that you’re early in a relationship with a man.  Guarding your heart is prudently allowing the guard to take an extended leave of absence.  The fence is still electrified, the dogs are still there, the gate is still down and the door is still locked – 7 times no less.  The man gets a little closer to your heart, but still doesn’t have unlimited access.  Little by little you reduce the security and over time, through prudent thinking and decision making, you begin to allow the man closer to your heart and allow him to have more access to you.  He gazes into your heart from a distance… sort of like looking through the windows of the mansion… and from his gaze, he begins to learn about your heart.  Seeing into the heart is different than having unabated access to the heart.

For many people, it may seem too hard to guard their heart.  For many people, it may seem too late to guard their heart.  If pain from relationships-gone-bad, lack of trust after a break up (or after every break up) and utter disappointment in relationships in general is fun for you, then keep up the common mistakes and lack of protection for your heart.  If, however, you come to understand that your heart is worth guarding because you are a precious daughter of God and because you deserve only the best in life, then take the necessary steps to start guarding your heart now.  If a man in your life is too close to your heart (or maybe inside the mansion), do what’s best for you and ask him to take a few steps back.  It will be hard at first, and may even seem pointless, but in the long run, it will be a blessing.  Trust me.

The analogy is based on the context of a relationship, but we should each be guarding our hearts from evil, sin and unclean outside influences as well.

Men, if you are too close to a woman’s heart, or inside the mansion, do the respectable, virtuous thing and take some steps backward.  This is not to suppress your feelings, your love or your desire for her.  This behavior is to show her that she’s worth the very best.  At the right time, you take the proper steps to win over her heart fully.  Once married, hearts become one in the Sacrament.

TrueMan up!

Opening Day 2010

Today marks the start of the 2010 Major League Baseball season.  Best of luck to all the teams out there, especially to my Pirates, who need lots of help!  There’s something about heading out to the ballpark on a summer day, at least for those of us who like baseball.  If you aren’t a baseball fan, that’s fine… this post isn’t about baseball, per se.  Here at TrueManhood, we wanted to do a “compare and contrast” between baseball and manliness.

• Baseball is a game.  Manliness isn’t.
• Baseball is played during the summer.  Manliness is always.
• Baseball players can “mess up” 7 out of 10 times at bat over their entire career and be considered a Hall of Famer.  Manliness can’t sustain those numbers.
• Baseball is about trying to win most of the time.  Manliness strives to “win” all the time.  (“Win” here means to be a TrueMan.)
• Baseball allows men to throw tantrums, kick dirt, scream, cuss, chew and throw drink coolers.  Manliness never stands for that sort of behavior.

We could continue on for hours with this sort of thing.  I’ve got nothing against baseball, I enjoy baseball, especially when I get to play the game.  I grew up playing from an early age into my adult life, I take my family to the ballpark regularly and I really enjoy the playoff season.  What we need to be careful about, and this goes for everything in life (other sports, the Hollywood mentality, the online community, etc.) is to take baseball in using moderation.  Manliness, however, we should take in with excess!  (Remember, manliness means living a virtuous life!)

Man up!

Follow Up Guest Post from Catherine DiNuzzo – “You’re Worth It!”

This post is a follow-up guest post from Catherine DiNuzzo, wife of Dave DiNuzzo.  Catherine will continue to guest post on this site.  Please leave comments!

Women, you are worth a TrueMan!  Believe it!

Women, I want you to listen to me and to listen well.  If you come to this site and take anything from it, I want you to remember that you are special, and a precious gift from the Father!  You are worth a TrueMan and you need to expect a TrueMan.  I am guessing right now that you may be rolling your eyes and saying to yourself, “if she only knew what I have done or what has happend to me, she would know this is not true for me.”  I know you are saying this because every time I talk to my girlfriends or speak to women at speaking engagements about this, I see women look down and shy away from me; their body language screaming these words.

God created you in His image and as the perfect mate for your “Adam”.  If God created you, and everything that God creates is good, then you must be worthy of goodness… a TrueMan.  When I think about my friends who refuse to believe this “cardinal rule”, most of the time it is because some less-than-virtuous man has taken advantage of them. Sometimes this is done through psychological manipulation and other times by force.  To me, it doesn’t matter what has happened in your past.  What is important is where you go from here.  If women are going to expect men to change then we must also change.  The first step in this change is loving yourself enough to except only virtuous men in your life.

How do you do it, you ask?  First of all, you need to look inside yourself and break down any walls that are keeping you from seeing the true value you possess.  These walls may have been past relationships gone bad, decisions that you made that hurt yourself or others, or anything that holds you back from seeing the marvelous treasure that God created you to be.

I too had to go through this step, and it was not easy.  When I was in high school and college, I was in a very abusive relationship, both physically and mentally. It ended badly and with the depression that set in from being a victim of domestic violence, I turned to drinking in excess.  With my life spinning downward, I had no confidence that I could ever love myself again.  I was certain that I would never find a virtuous “TrueMan” who would want to love me.  So, I stopped looking.  After many years of this way of thinking, I was at a 3-day party, with lots of drinking and men.  As I drove home, I hit my bottom.  I had no self esteem, no joy in my life.  I could easily say I was empty in every sense of the word.  So in tears, I looked up to Heaven and said “GOD, I give up! I can’t don’t do this anymore.”  I truly believe that I felt the Holy Spirit come down and shower me with grace and love.  I could hear God saying, “I love you, let me take care of you, trust in my love, I am here.”  And that is what I did!  From that point on, pain from my past slowly started to go away.  For the first time in seven years, I was able to see myself as a blessed gift that God had created.  That very day, I went on a group date with Dave, my future husband!

Women, love yourself!  Force yourself to see the treasure that God has created you to be. If there are walls that are blocking you from seeing this, take it to prayer and ask God to help you break down the walls.  Know that in this battle, you are not alone.  God is there wait for you to put your hand out and ask for help.

Covenant Eyes – Protect Yourself & Family

TrueManhood Men’s Ministry has teamed up with Covenant Eyes to bring you and yours important accountability and filtering software protection for your electronic devices.  Today is the day – start protecting yourself now.

Click this link to receive your first month free.

Covenant Eyes provides not only a filtering service, but also accountability for the user.  For any man working on personal growth, accountability is essential.  This software not only protects you from what you see and come across online, but also sends a list of all sites and content viewed while online to your accountability partner.  (Your closest friend, your spouse, whomever.  Hey, you could send it to your grandma if that’ll help you stay pure!)  Covenant Eyes can track across a wide variety of devices and operating systems, with many more to come.  For more info on this product, check out covenanteyes.com.

TrueMan up!

The Tragedy of a Fatherless Child

There’s an epidemic in our country of children growing up without a father.  It might be because their father gave his life serving his country.  It might be because their father is a workaholic.  It might be because of artificial birthing methods where the father is merely a donor.  It might be because of divorce.  It might also be because the father is a deadbeat.  There are probably millions of reasons why a child might grow up without a father… how do we stop this trend? 

In order to stop the trend of fatherless children, men must work to stop the trend.  They must work hard to reverse the relationships in their lives that are headed toward (or already in) disaster.  If men everywhere were virtuous, the percentage of fatherless children would greatly decrease.  Another way for the trend to be stopped is for women, everywhere, to choose wisely who they have children with.  Women, do not settle.  Have high expectations and never lower them.  These two factors play the biggest role in children growing up with their father as an active participant in their life.

This hits close to home for me, as I see three (and soon four) little kids close to me deal with their deadbeat father leaving them and their pregnant mother.  The father doesn’t see anything wrong with what he did.  The father couldn’t choose them and their needs over himself.  Now, the tragedy is being extended to four more kids.  I hope, by my life and decisions, that I can show them what a TrueMan and TrueFather are really like.

Man up!

All Eyes On Me

All eyes on me… and you… 

I know Dennis Rodman said “I never asked to be a role model”, but he’s in the spot light.  And you – although probably not in the spot light – probably never asked to be a role model either.  Guess what?  You are a role model.  You’re a role model whether you want to be or not.  Whether you are at home (with siblings, parents, spouse, children or friends) or at work, or at Church or in public… all eyes are on you.  Maybe you didn’t ask, but it’s the fact of the matter.

So why does this matter?  So what if everyone is watching me?  It matters because all of those eyes are connected to brains that are forming impressions about you.  And you don’t only represent yourself, you represent all men, everywhere.  If you are a father, you represent fatherhood.  If you are a Catholic, you represent Catholicism.  If you’re doing a great job of setting a great example, then great!  Keep up the good work!  If, however, you are setting a poor example, then you are making my job much more difficult.  If women look at you and think that the behavior you live out is what a man is, shame on you.  If children look at you and think that the behavior you live out is what a man is, how dare you.  If non-believers look at you and think that the behavior you live out is what a Christian (man) is, may God have mercy on you.

You might not ask for it, but all eyes are on you.  You can make this seemingly gigantic task have an incredible outcome if you live as a TrueMan should.  How does a man live as a TrueMan?  First and foremost, he is virtuous.  This includes being faithful to God and being loving.  After these two vital virtues, he respects others, honors his wife and children and is hard working.  I could continue on for pages.  Summed up, a  TrueMan is a virtuous man.

Man up!

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