Cultural Manliness Catches Up With You

In this video, Tiger Woods issues a public apology for his actions.  Tiger was living a life of cultural manliness, living for money, power, sex and stuff.  It caught up with him, as it does every man who lives it.  His words ring true… he must show his remorse and his changed way of life not by speaking, but by his actions.  It appears to me, an untrained eye, that he is sincere.  He appears nervous and timid, and obviously, when you read a speech from paper, your demeanor is different than when you speak from the heart.  I don’t know that he’ll back up what he says, but I think that his tenacity and determination to be the best, which has made him so successful in golf and business, will aid him in succeeding in this journey towards being a leader, a role model, a good husband and an engaged, active and loving father.

Note: Tiger speaks about Buddhism towards the end of this clip.  Buddhism doesn’t hold the answers to life, however, Tiger is grasping for truth and something to guide him in life.  If I had the chance to speak with Tiger, I would challenge him to live a life for Christ, a life filled with joy, happiness and fulfillment.  If you can’t view the clip, click HERE.

Wood’s words are merely words, yet, he’s right.  He needs to live a life of integrity.  He let people down, and must make amends.  He led people, especially children, astray.  He knows that he needs help, and seems intent to continue to seek guidance and counseling.

I wish Tiger all the best.  “To whom much is given, much is expected.”

Man up!

GUEST BLOGGER: “Two Stories” by Ryan Kraeger

Ryan Kraeger was born in upstate New York, second of seven children, raised on a farm and homeschooled from first grade to highschool. He graduated at seventeen and joined the military the same week, choosing the MOS (Military Occupational Specialty) of Combat Engineer because he thought the video looked cool (it was primarily composed of explosions). Since then he has done many and varied things in the Army, including loading baggage on planes in Fort Hood Texas, spending a year in the Republic of Korea, patrolling and raiding in Iraq, and building bridges and uncovering IED’s in Afghanistan. Currently he is in training to be a Green Beret, learning his target language, Korean, before going on to the world’s finest and most intensive medic course.  Ryan is also an avid reader and amateur writer, you can read more of his writing at his website.

Two Stories:  Stories bump, stories merge, stories permeate each other. Stories can even unite. Only God can keep track of all the stories and how they interact. It is a vast, complex, multi-dimensional web, a tapestry of infinite complexity and beauty. The work of God in each life is not separate from His work in every life. What He does for me, He is doing for everyone else in the world, through me. Whatever He does for anyone else, He does for me, through them, whether we ever meet or not. It is God’s nature to be a union, and it is His nature to bring about union among His creatures, little by little and partially in this world, and then finally and totally in the next world, where all who are in union with Him will be in union with each other.  We get hints of it, even now.

Imagine a young girl, maybe fifteen or sixteen, who is in a bad dating relationship in high school. Her boyfriend is controlling, orverbally abusive, or is pressuring her to have sex or join in with his drug or alcohol habit, or whatever the case may be. She has compromised too much with too many, and isn’t sure how much she has left to give up, or why she’s bothering anymore. She’s not an innocent little girl anymore. She feels tarnished. Her whole life is a scramble to find acceptance, which for her means popularity with the right bunch of teenage girls, and being noticed by the right teenage boys. Her relationship with her parents and siblings has completely unraveled. She is lost, drifting, miserable, empty, and too busy to notice it. All her thought and energy is bent on the one thing that she thinks will keep her head above water, keep her life meaningful and worthwhile, and he isn’t worth the time of day. The preoccupation consumes her, and she doesn’t know what’s wrong, or where she should turn, or what she should do. Now, imagine that one day she is sitting somewhere, perhaps looking out the window of the school bus, or sitting on a park bench, or standing in a group of teenagers on the corner. Purple streaked hair, too much makeup, tight jeans, halter top, book bag and IPod, she looks just like any one of millions of girls her age, but she is not. She is God’s beloved daughter, His Princess, His Darling. I think God sometimes sends parents only one child, as a symbol of how much He loves each one of us, as if I were the only one.

Let’s put our girl on the bus. She’s sitting on her seat, looking out the window, with one hand jealously clutched by the boy who is sitting next to her. She lets him hold her hand, not because she really enjoys it, but just because that is what you do. If you’re in a relationship, you hold hands, you sit on his lap, you argue about how far you are willing to go. That’s just what you do.

Suddenly, through the window, she sees another couple. They are very old, in their sixties or seventies or eighties or something. To her teenage mind they hardly even register as people anymore. They are like museum pieces, totally irrelevant to her world of hard music, slamming lockers, filthy jokes and innuendo, and constant noise, noise, noise, noise. She has passed by this same couple sitting on their porch a hundred times and never seen them, but her King has a gift for her today. He opens her eyes, for a second, an instant, a heartbeat, just long enough. The old man takes the old woman’s hand and smiles at her. The old woman smiles back. All hell screams in fury, as years of lies, deceit, hate, sneering and malice are threatened all in an instant. They rush around, frantically trying to crush the new thoughts and wonderings and vague, painful longings, and they are mostly successful. They are very good at what they do. Before the bus reaches the corner, their rotten construction is standing in all its ugliness once again. God lets it go, because He knows more than they do. Something has been planted deep in her heart, and though she forgets in a minute, anxious not to threaten the card castle she has so carefully built for herself, she can never be the same again. One old man, on an ordinary day, for no particular reason other than that he just felt like it, did what he’d been doing for fifty years. He loved his wife. He never met that teenage girl, but for ever after her heart will be just a little harder to satisfy. She will want just a little more from the man in her life, her standards will be just a little bit higher. It will cause her no end of grief, because the higher your standards, the easier they are to disappoint, but her heart will have moved one fraction closer to realizing the dangerous truth, that she is more precious than this entire planet, and all the galaxies of the universe. Her Prince came to earth and died for her, and so she deserves more. All hell will stand between her and that truth, but because one old man loved his wife, her heart moved a fraction closer to it, and it can never be moved back.

Tuesdays with Daddy – My Primary Vocation & Responsibility

Sometimes it’s hard to clearly determine priorities.  What’s really number one in my life?  Why is it number one?  What else must occur in order for number one to stay number one?  As a husband and father, my primary vocation is to care for my wife and children, and this is where priorities get sticky for me.  In order to care for them, I need to be with them, but at the same time, I also need to provide shelter, clothing, food and safety – the essentials.  In order to provide the essentials, I have to earn money.  In order to earn money, I have to be away from them, either at my office, on the road speaking or at other locations outside the home.  Since I’m also studying for my master’s degree, my time is taxed heavily.  This isn’t even to mention upkeep of the house and vehicles, house chores and other necessary errands that must be completed.  How do I determine rankings of my responsibilities?

I’ve found that taking myself out of the equation is the best way to make the determinations.  What?  Here’s what I mean… I try to remove my desires, my wants, my preferences and instead, place my wife and children (and all of their needs, wants and desires) first.  When I do this, I find that my emotions are kept in check (even though I might want to be making money, hanging with my guy friends or watching a game).  When my emotions are kept in check, I am able to clearly determine what’s important.  Keep in mind, that making money isn’t bad, and hanging with your guy friends isn’t bad.  They are both goods things.  However, if making money, hanging out with your guy friends or any other activity/project/endeavor takes you away from your priorities, they become distractions and hindrances.

So, when determining priorities, I recommend removing yourself and your emotions from the decision making process.  Once you do that, your mind will be clear and you’ll be able to clearly make the right decisions.  Best of luck.

Man up!

My Priority

If you bare with me on this post, I’m going to share something very personal.  I’ve really been struggling with something, and I’ve been letting my wife down in regards to this struggle.  In short, I tell her that she’s my number one priority, but my actions don’t line up.  My intentions are to make her my top priority, and to do everything I can for her, our kids, our family.  I really want this to be the case.  Unfortunately, I’ve really been dropping the ball on proving it to her.  I want badly to be the man that she needs, wants and deserves, however, I fail often.

I have no excuse.  Even though our work schedules are almost opposite, and when they happen to line up we both have other responsibilities that our family depends on for survival, I have no reason why I can’t prove to her that she’s my honest-to-goodness number one priority.  It’s the little bit of time that I should give fully to her, that I’ve been failing in.  It’s not even like she wants that much from me, just a little effort.  My effort has been completely lackluster and I owe her a huge apology.  But you know what?… she doesn’t want an apology, she wants change.  She wants to hear what I’m going to do and then see me do it.

The important thing to remember is this: in order for my words to mean anything, my actions must back them up.  The ol’ “Put your money where your mouth is” or better yet, the famous, “Don’t just talk the talk, walk the walk.”

Our marriage isn’t perfect and those who know me know that I’m far from perfection.  I run this website and blog and speak to men all over the country not in the sense that I’m trying to teach you everything there is to know about being an authentically manly man… I’m on this journey with you.  I learn something new everyday, and I’m constantly working to be better.  The thing that I think sets a TrueMan apart from other men is that he knows there are areas in his life where he needs to improve and he not only wants and tries to change, he takes action.

I challenge you to look at your own life and see the areas where you’re dropping the ball.  Pick the ball up and get back on track.  Don’t just talk the talk, walk the walk.

Man up!

The Tragedy of a Fatherless Child (Cont.)

As I’ve been thinking about my last post, I feel as if I did this topic no justice.  Obviously, it would take pages and pages of writing to even hit the surface of the effects on a child without a father, yet I want to go just a bit deeper than I originally did. 

The tragedy of a fatherless child – these words don’t even make sense.  It’s an oxymoron, to say that a child doesn’t have a father.  It’s against nature, as we all know.  The effects of these words are evident.  A child without a father is like a pilot without a flight plan, a builder without blueprints, a quarterback with no game plan or signal coach.  Every child needs guidance, discipline, clear expectations and help, just to mention a few things.  When a child goes through life without guidance and direction, they cling to what society shows them will bring them happiness.  Many times, the happiness they find is actually a smoke screen, an illusion of happiness.  Without guidance and direction, a child clings to what they believe will replace their father, or in some cases, they cling to what is opposite of their father as a way of revenge against the father not being present during adolescence. 

What happens to many fatherless children is that they perpetuate this cycle, as we’ve already discussed many times.  It takes strong individuals, who make wise decisions, to break the cycle.  When the cycle is broken, (or in the rare-case where the cycle never started) we see glimpses of hope and change.  Please note, just because a father is present doesn’t mean that a child will automatically turn out great.  On the contrary, it requires a strong man (and his wife) to educate, influence and guide their children through every step of adolescence and youth.

Man up!

Pictures Speak Louder

So I’m on vacation with my wife… we’re here in Florida, enjoying the sun, the pools and the theme parks.  I don’t plan to post every day, but I saw something today that I had to address.  We were riding on our shuttle and a newlywed couple got on.  I knew they were newlyweds by their shirts.  The bride modeled a white tank with rhinestones spelling out “bride”.  The groom, however, sported a black t-shirt with a picture that spoke much louder than words ever could.

This message, “Game Over”, depicting a groom and bride, shows not only a distane for marriage, but a lack of respect for one another in the bond that just took place through the marriage vows.  I’ve got lots of problems with this shirt, but here are my two biggest beefs:

1. He, (if he’s even close to a man) asked her to marry him.  He asked her if she would spend the rest of her life with him.  Why do men (typically, in society) see marriage as “game over”?  Marriage is an incredible gift, an amazing relationship between best friends that work with God to be co-creators of life.  Why can’t this guy, and other men everywhere, see this? 

2. The bride, who just vowed her life to this man, is okay with him wearing this shirt.  She’s okay with him wearing it in public.  She’s okay with him proudly displaying his viewpoint of what his new and exciting relationship is all about.  Essentially, he’s saying “My past life of fun and freedom is over” and she’s saying “He’s right”.

What a shame.  I hope that somewhere, at least one man and one woman reads this post and changes their viewpoint on what a marriage can be.  I know the other side of this “Game Over” t-shirt.  I know the side of marriage that brings about life, with a woman that I love and share my entire life with.  I actually like being with her, spending time with her, sharing my life with her.  Best of luck to this young couple; I hope they make it past this sort of attitude and have a long and lasting relationship.

Man up!

An Explanation on Ephesians Chapter 5

On semi-regular occasions, I come across stories of men and women who look at Ephesians Chapter 5 in a different way than the Church does.  It often appears that they take the writings out of context and make them something that they are not.  I want to take a few minutes to explain portions of this sometimes mistaken portion of Scripture.  Note: I am not a Biblical scholar – I recommend that you cross-check my words here with other sources for full understanding.

Starting at verse 21 in chapter 5, St. Paul tells Wives and Husbands “Be subordinate to one another out of reverence for Christ.  Wives should be subordinate to their husbands as to the Lord.  For the husband is head of his wife just as Christ is head of the Church, He Himself the savior of the body.  As the Church is subordinate to Christ, so wives should be subordinate to their husbands in everything.”  A few hard-hitting verses.  If we stop at this verse, we see the writer (St. Paul) asking women to be subordinate to their man in everything.  It almost appears that a woman should blindly follow her husband simply because he is 1. her husband and 2. the head of his wife.  We might look at this and say that a wife needs to be “below” her husband and always do as he tells her.  The image of a slave and a master comes to mind here.  After all, it’s right there in Scripture – right? 

Not quite.  We need to continue reading to finish out this section.  25: “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ loved the Church and handed Himself over for her to sanctify her, cleansing her by the bath of water with the word, that He might present to Himself the Church in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.  So also husbands should love their wives as their own bodies.  He who loves his wife loves himself.  For no one hates his own flesh but rather nourishes and cherishes it, even as Christ does the Church, because we are members of His body.”  We see a much different story when we continue reading.  St. Paul isn’t writing this to women alone.  Most importantly, he is writing this to husbands; husbands are the readers who especially need to heed these words. 

Look at this with me: scripture tells us that husbands should love their wives as Christ loved the Church.  Christ didn’t love the Church out of dictatorial power… He loved the Church out of service, out of self-sacrifice and out of pure virtue.  If we leave this part out of our understanding, our understanding lacks truth and our relationship with our spouse suffers.  Again, St. Paul is speaking to the men, saying “Men, serve your wife!  LOVE you wife!  Give up what you want for the sanctity and holiness of your wife!  Love her as you love yourself!  Want what’s best for her, never thinking about yourself first!”  I can imagine him being incredibly frustrated with men who were lacking as husbands, trying to get them to see that Christ set the example of being a real husband (a TrueMan) for them and that they simply need to emulate Him in order to succeed.

This means, for us men who are or who will be husbands, that we MUST act as Christ acted.  We must be perfected so that our actions, thoughts, words and deeds line up with how Christ would have done them.  We must be sacrificial in the way that we treat our wife.  Christ was a servant leader, He said “I come to serve, not to be served.”  Do that… don’t live to be served. 

On a practical note: as you look at your marriage and begin to digest what you are reading, realize that countless blessings will come from being a servant leader for your wife.  Being a servant leader means that you are serving while leading.  Service comes first.  Want respect from your wife?  Respect her first.  Want your wife to honor you?  Honor her first.  Want your wife to trust you?  Trust her first.  It’s a simple formula and this formula will change your life.  Christ calls us to act in the manner He acted, so guess what… if you are trying to act as Christ acted, you can’t be selfish, ever.  Serve your wife, serve your kids, serve your co-workers, serve everyone, and do it ahead of yourself and your needs.  It will change your life.

Man up!

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