For Women – Is He Mr. Right?
I recently came across an online article titled “Is He Mr. Right?” I was curious what the article said, doubting that any of it was substantive or even remotely helpful. The information was, well, eh. The article had five main points, and if your “Mr. Next” met all five, then voilà! “You’ve found Mr. Right!” What do you think?
The first point was “He Listens to You”. Huh?, what’s that? Oh, sorry. Although listening is a vital component to just about every human relationship, I don’t know that it’s essential in choosing Mr. Right. The first point continues on, saying “you’ll know he listens to you when he shows genuine concern, consistently remembers things you’ve told him and offers emotional support in honest and thoughtful way.” Well… I don’t think that the actions mentioned here are listening, although listening played a role. The action is ‘showing’, ‘remembering’ and ‘offering’. Listening doesn’t make things happen… doing does. With that said, God gave us each 2 ears and only 1 mouth, meaning that we should probably listen twice as much as we talk.
The second point is rather silly… “He Connects with You.” If a guy isn’t connecting with you, why are you dating him?
The third point is good, although not developed enough for my tastes… “He Wants the Real You.” The author writes about a woman not giving up any part of her identity for a man, which is fine and good. I think that when either person does that, it only leads to falsehood, and eventually, the truth comes out and problems come up. I believe one of the best ways for the guy to really want the ‘real’ you, is for him to know you before you date. This begins the topic of dating with a purpose, although we don’t have time for that here.
The fourth point is even better than the third. Here it is, verbatim: “A relationship without trust is doomed from the start. But a relationship with abundant trust? A fabulous foundation for real and lasting love! Built over time, trust is based on the simple belief system that your partner has your best interests at heart and will never intentionally hurt you (and vice versa). If and when you discover that Mr. Next is 100 percent trustworthy, you’ll have no trouble giving your heart to him. In return, he’ll most likely give you his heart and pave the way for a lasting, loving relationship to unfold.” Here’s my qualm with this on… be overly careful with who you give your heart to. Just because he’s trustworthy, doesn’t make him worthy of your heart. Be careful, please.
The fifth point isn’t all the great, at least not for the ‘all-encompassing’ characteristic that a man must have, blah blah blah. “He Enriches Your Life.” Is that the best this author can do? What about virtue here? What about how he treats you? What about how compatible your life goals, dreams and aspirations are? Again, as with the second point, this seems a bit silly for me.
I think the author is missing the boat, unless, of course, the point of dating is solely to have fun. If that’s the case, then what’s the
point in even caring about Mr. Right? Why not just care about Mr. Right-Now? The point should be that dating with a purpose is the only way that a relationship will truly last and truly bring happiness to both people. These relationships, however, must have Christ at their center if they want that happiness. Ladies, please know that you are incredible. God created you for greatness and you have nothing stopping you from that. You deserve the best and should never compromise for a counterfeit version of the best. So many women attempt to find value in the things that happen to them (compliments, stares, successes at work, awards, etc.) instead of finding true value in the fact that you are a daughter of God. He is the only place for true fulfillment.
GUEST POST – “The Practice of Modesty” by Ashley Crouch
Ashley Crouch is the Assistant Program Director of Love & Fidelity Network, a program designed to equip college students with the resources and training they need to support the institution of marriage, the importance of family, and the integrity of sex on their campuses. She writes:
US Marine Captain John Campbell recently made National Australian News by boldly speaking out about Australian women’s lack of modesty: “It’s about having standards, ladies,” he said. “What are standards? Well, it can begin by dressing in a manner that leaves something to the imagination to say the least…” Later he said, “Come on, ladies, don’t send us mixed messages. That’s what you do every time you dress with less than nothing on.” His voice was an isolated and courageous reminder that women play a significant role in preserving men’s purity; that women bolster men’s’ ability to love authentically.
In today’s culture, our bodies are often treated as instruments rather than as an intimate part of who we are – persons with an
immortal soul. As a result of this disconnect, there is a crisis of modesty prevalent in society. Popular trends and fashions come and go with arbitrary ease, without any thought being given to a specific standard. The virtue of modesty has all but become obsolete, while the few who make an effort to endorse its practice often end up sounding prudish and harping on rules, regulations, and guidelines.
Guidelines are in fact good and helpful, and can be found by doing a simple search online. Modesty, however, is not just about covering up so guys will not be driven to lust. Modesty is more and often depends on the context. For this reason, it is often misunderstood.
Properly understood, modesty incorporates who the woman is as a person created in the image of God called to love, while acknowledging that men and women are designed to be attracted to one another. The late Pope John Paul II spoke candidly about the human person “as a creature towards whom the only proper attitude is love.” Authentic love, however, is not defined by a person’s sexuality; Attraction between sexes is meant to exist between two free, full, faithful human persons and to blossom into fruitful love in marriage. Many women yearn to be loved and seek it through immodest dress or action. Tragically, the immodest dress and behavior of some women, while intended to foster and secure lasting affection, ironically attracts men for other reasons. A woman who dresses provocatively distracts men from love. She sends mixed messages.
Modesty, on the other hand, serves to open the gateway of love between persons by revealing who a woman is as a full person, an individual with dignity, not reducible to her sexual features. When a woman practices modesty, she simultaneously protects, preserves, and presents herself to the world as a person of dignity and self-respect; for through modesty, the beauty of her femininity is highlighted rather than objectified. Modesty flows from “moderation,” where all the elements of the woman are shown cohesively and beautifully.
Ultimately, modesty is about more than clothes. It is a disposition of the heart, and a consciousness on the part of the woman that she has an origin in a loving God, who has given her a great dignity and purpose. Each woman was designed to give herself fully as a gift, but if her vocation is marriage, this gift belongs only to one person (not the world.) The woman’s awareness of her beautiful origin carries over into her actions and dress, naturally and effortlessly. Her clothes are not a denial of her sexuality, or a suppression of her femininity. Rather, they integrate her sexuality into her whole being as a person called to love, and open the way for true love to grow. The practice of modesty encourages men to see a woman with respect, and allows authentic interpersonal relationships to occur, free of distractions, free from confusion, free to love.
So the next time you reach into your closet for an outfit, perhaps remember Captain John Campbell’s words ‘Don’t send mixed messages,’ and consider what message you want to send.
What is a Woman’s Role in Helping to Create a Culture of TrueManhood?
— GUEST POST from CATHERINE DiNUZZO, MA LPC (Wife of Dave DiNuzzo) —
When Dave asked me to write a guest post on his site, I was very excited because I believe that to truly change the current situation of manliness in society and to be able to change it to a (virtuous) culture of TrueManhood, men are only a portion of the solution. Another important part in this change are women!
When I first met Dave he was not the man that he is today. Now, I am not going to say that it was because of me alone that he has decided to “change his ways”, but I will say that it was a series of challenges that I posed to him, that began his transformation into the man he is today.
Dave has always been a man who was not afraid to fight for justice and for what he believes in. However, when I met him, he was focused on doing it “Dave’s way”. I remember one time when we were dating when we got into a fight about something trivial, and he told me, “there’s Dave’s way and the wrong way”. This was the way he dealt with stuff – his way… and passionately! Now, what I have always loved about Dave is his passion and self-confidence, but this was an example of a time in his life when he was less-than-virtuous. What I feel Dave was lacking in his life when I first met him was – what I feel most men are missing – a woman to challenge and expect virtuous behavior. Looking back on it now, I don’t think Dave ever knew what to strive for because the women in his life never challenged him to obtain TrueManhood.
The question I pose is “how are we to expect men to behave a certain way, if we (women in general) lower our standards and accept mediocrity?” We simply cannot.
My goal as a guest blogger for Truemanhood.com is to help give women the tools to believe in their own value enough to expect the best out of the men in their lives. I agree whole-heartily with Dave, that if we are going to change the world, we must create a world of truly virtuous men; aka: TrueMen! Also, if we are expecting men to make this change then is it going to take the women of the world to step up and embody their roll in the change.
I hope you continue to check the site as I will be posting regularly. Please pass this along to your female friends… this is a journey that is meant for all of us.
Woman up!
~Catherine
Scandalous Commercial – Bad Manning
Have you seen the new Peyton Manning, DirecTV – NFL Sunday Ticket Commercial? I saw it today. Blah. The commercial has Manning not “manning up” but instead, giving into the all-mighty-endorsement-deal-dollar – and NOT being anything even remotely close to a TrueMan. I used to have so much more respect for him. The commercial is supposed to be about watching football, and seeing every game on NFL Sunday Ticket, in HD. Yet, there isn’t a single scene of a football player, play, ball or locker room. The entire commercial is scenes of scantily clad cheerleaders strutting around, doing high kicks and bouncing up and down.
Manning has the opportunity to endorse lots of products, and some of his endorsements have been great. (Most of his commercial spots are hilarious.) What I don’t understand is why Manning, and society in general, thinks that it’s okay to objectify women by showing them in this manner? I fault the cheerleaders for objectifying themselves, but they’re only doing what appears to be glamorous by society’s standards. I want to call to action the men involved; if men step up, women will gladly follow suit. That means Peyton, the men at DirecTV, men watching that network and men reading this post.
Come on Peyton. Did you have to stoop to this level? Why didn’t you say, “There’s no football in this commercial.”? Why didn’t you say, “Nope, I won’t make sexual innuendos, they’re unnecessary. People will lose respect for me.” You didn’t. Next time, man up.
How does this affect the rest of us? How do we make a change? By starting in the home, then branching out to schools, work and in the public arena, men who hold women to a higher level of respect must first stand up to this sort of societal objectification of women. Be strong, stand firm. Your example will challenge others and will change hearts. Once a man has truly cherished a woman, in a manner most fitting within God’s plan, he’ll realize the importance of his actions. Men, we can make the difference. Change starts with you. Do it today.
Man up!
A Dating Tip, or Two
The other day, I posted the “Superman Dates” video clip. I got a little bit of feedback on it, and felt like it was important to talk about some other aspects of dating, for both ladies and guys.
Ladies: what I am about to say is always true, in every situation, no matter what. YOU DESERVE NOTHING BUT THE BEST. You do. You deserve a man who respects you, who serves you, who cherishes you, who believes and demonstrates that there is no one more important or special for him and you deserve a man who puts his full energy and attention into your relationship. If he doesn’t, then he’s not good enough for you. Plain and simple. If he doesn’t care enough to do the little things in a dating relationship, why would anyone ever expect him to start caring when you are married? Or when times get tough? Or when you have kids? The little things he does/doesn’t do while dating are foreshadowing his future behavior.
It’s also vitally important that you set you standards high, from the beginning. If you wait until you’re in a relationship to create a list of “must haves” it will be incredibly difficult to see beyond the emotion, history and investment of your current relationship. Once you create your list, don’t stray from it. (Add to it, but don’t stray from it.) If you grow, mature and change as a person, your list can change with you, as long as it’s what best for you and your future.
If all the women in the world increased their standards (and wouldn’t compromise on them) it would force men to change their behavior. Now, I’m not saying that it’s the fault of females that men can be bad in relationships or in society or that they don’t know what it means to be a TrueMan. What I’m saying is that if women were to have a standard and keep it, that men would have to check their crass, immature, childish, destructive behavior at the door and make positive choices to raise themselves up to be worthy of dating a woman. Ladies, you hold the power to make your future bright by choosing a man that deserves you because you know that you deserve the very best.
Guys: I’ll most likely get into our part of the dating world in upcoming posts, but for now, read through the ladies’ section and check yourself. If a woman had a list, would your actions, choices and behavior warrant you being selected as “sufficient”? If not, think about things you can do to change so that when “the one” comes along, you’re ready to treat her like your queen.
Man up!
Security in Purity – A Message to Women
So many women in our society (especially young women) have a lack of self-worth and a deeply rooted insecurity in who they are. They want to fit in, be accepted and ultimately, receive love. This sometimes (more often than not these days) leads to dressing inappropriately and engaging in promiscuous sexual relationships — all in the name of finding love. They think that in order for a man to think they’re attractive, to be excited by them and to love them, they must “put out”. [After all, they are being fed lies from this menu everyday by society.] The problem arises that this simply is not real, lasting love, and the feelings of insecurity and perpetual emptiness persist. It pains me to see young women who think this way because they should be thinking the exact opposite… that they are an amazing and precious creation from God the Father and that they should never settle for anything less than the best. A man is only worthy to be in their presence if he upholds their dignity and shows them the utmost respect. Women deserve better than what they are typically given and owe it to themselves to require a True Man.
If you are a woman that struggles with self-worth and insecurity, please take my words to heart. You are worth nothing less than the best. You are worth being in a relationship with a man who loves you (real love), who adores you and who respects you. You don’t have to have sex with him before marriage… if he really loves you, he’ll wait for you. (If he’s a True Man and really loves you, he’ll want to wait for you because you’re that special!) When it comes to the way you dress, you describe to men what you are seeking by the way you dress. If you wear something revealing, it tells a man “I want to reveal myself to you”. *Keep in mind the distinction between dressing attractively and dressing to attract. If you want to draw in the right type of man, dress with respect and purity. You’ll find real security, love and worth if you seek purity. You are worth it.
For the women out there that are confident and content in who they are, continue to be an example to women everywhere and continue to set the standard high for what men should be striving for. Never lower your standards.
